SKA said:
It is true what I thought. So many of you are confirming it.
What I thought was: "Aren't the things DMT have showed me actually disturbing inner peace? "
I came there looking for answers. Answers that could possibly give me more understanding of the true nature of this
reality. Asnwers we've all gotten: Answers we can completely not comprehend. Answers that are pretty much useless and in the end bring more questions in return.
I found this to be true for all psychedelics. Sometimes they've given me some deep insight into my own psyche. And into the general psyche of the human being. But ultimately they've raised more philosphical questions than they've answered.
I've long seen Psychedelics as invaluable tools of healing, but more and more...I'm not so sure anymore.
I've witnessed the same icecold, mechanical thing that has been mentioned here countless times. It horrified me.
Much more so than the obviously evil entities: They were still recognisable as vaguely reminiscent of terrestrial beings. They had a soul and an intent( even if it was a malicious soul & intent), but this cold, alien, gigantic being has no soul at all. No emotions. No intentions.
Though my mind was open to it and thought "let's not judge this being", my heart fiercely rejected it.
I could not relate in any way to this being. I could not accept the existance of this being on an emotional level.
Not at all.
The problem with me is: I didn't forget half as much as you did, Gibran. And you too know I wish I did.
Too much sticks with me and I must admit: it's making my life very difficult to live, emotionally.
I'm having the hardest time enjoying mundane experiences like going out to dance, socialising, jamming...etc
I'm filled with a sense of futility. That it's all so purposeless and devoid of true meaning. Because I saw things that show how much of a joke, an illusion this entire reality is. I cannot remember it on a cognitive level, but the emotional aspect of the memory stuck. I feel doomed to suffer the rest of my life in boredom, claustrophobia and depression. I genuinely wonder if I can get out of this dreadfull state ever again. I'm sure as hell going to try.
More and more I'm starting to guess this is the result of my Psychedelic experiences, most notably those on DMT.
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a difficult time right now.
Life changes, and someday when you least expect it, these difficulties will be behind you. At least that has been my experience time and time again.
The experience I described in the original post was just one of many that I’ve had over the years. I’ve had some very life-affirming experiences, some deeply sacred journeys, and one in particular that made it clear our lives here are filled with purpose. I’ve had hilarious irreverent good times, I’ve stood face to face with my “inner-self”, I’ve seen beauty so overwhelming I had to look away, I’ve laughed, cried, and felt a few non-human emotions along the way. Once I died. Many times I’ve been reborn.
The lesson learned form the experience posted here wasn’t that there is a cold indifference pervading all of existence, but rather that the human mind, the human psyche --MY psyche -- isn’t capable of understanding what really is. And that’s OK. Our time here is to learn about what is here – about what appears to be. Your deeper self already knows what really is. Everything will be revealed in its time.
I gave up expecting answers to questions very early on in my psychedelic exploration. It was clear to me that that’s not what it’s all about. I’m also not sure that it’s about healing either. The DMT experience allows us to participate in the divine mystery, and to realize that we are always and have always been participating in the divine mystery.
If you’re finding it hard to enjoy life these days, then seek out someone who can offer to help. If you believe that DMT use has led to this situation, then consider not using DMT.
Finally, never forget the important role you play in this mystery!
