OT but i really need some advice

[Path of misery]

I am a long time lurker and even had anotver account here at one one point.

Ive been using the sacred tools for a few years and have grown alot on the path they set me on.
The thing though is that the recent years have been very rough for me.

Life has thrown alot of heavy problems on me ranging from physical pain to financial chaos, somehow ive managed to stay positive and tackle these issues one by one.


So a new year is here and i had hopes for stuff to change and just maybe i could get the wind bmowing in my direction.


But yesterday something happened that i could not explain, a voice in my head told me that my partner who ive lived with for almost 10years had lied to me and that i need to confront her about something.

First i tried to ignore it but the feeling just got stronger untill i could not take it..


So i asked her straight up if she had ever cheated on me which she denied right away, but her reaction was so strong i knew right away something was up.


I told her someone had called me and said that she had a secret which that person could not homd anymore...

Finally she cracked and admitted that at one point when we had broke up she had been with someone else cause she thought she had lost me forever.



I was stunned by this notion, the fact that she had been with someone else i could forgive maybe.

But the fact that we got back together after this and have been together for years after without her telling has devistated me.


She has been depressed for years and she admits now that the fact that she been lying to me is why.


Im heartbroken and on the verge of going berserk, i would never hurt someone but i trashed my kitchen yesterday and if someone would tick me off today im afraid of what i could do.


I dont know why i put this here but i feel that all my work with psychs gave me a strong sixth sense to know this was true without anyone telling me.



Also all of this happened over 5years ago and neither she or me are the same people but i dont think i can ever trust a female again and tvis whole ordeal is very messy since we have kids together.

Please anyone help me with this how can i ever go on and love again?

 

[steppa]

Sorry to hear this. It must be hurting mate.

She didn't cheat on you. As you both broke up back than she was free to do whatever she wanted whithout asking you for permission. Keep that in mind.

Not telling you something isn't the same as lying to you. Also she told you when you confronted her.

Then there's the question, why she didn't tell you. I guess the main reason for this is fear. Maybe fear of loosing you, fear of you becoming angry or something like this. Another reason could be shame. Shame for what she did and that she might have been ashamed of herself. Or the shame to have disappointed you.

Do you wanna be with her? Then it's on you now to accept what happened.

You both need to come together and talk about this in a peaceful and calm way. Ask her about her feelings, tell her about your feelings, BUT _DON'T ADDRESS REPROACHES_ as this won't get you both anywhere. There are always two people involved when something goes wrong in a relationship.

If you want to be with her, you won't have another choice, than rebuilding your trust. Cause that's what a good relationship is all about imho...unconditional trust.
This will take time, maybe even years.

Mate, talk with her. Open talk is the key. There's nothing you can do about the pain. Only time will make it subside.

Not sure if this was what you wanted to hear. But he truth is, it won't be easy. BUT if you both want to sort this out and you both can talk about this without raging at each other, chances are, that trust will be rebuild and your relationship will gain strengh. It could even grow stronger than before if you both put effort in it.

 

[Path of misery]

Yeah you are right its not i want to hear but i hear you...


I wish i could be the bigger man and just put this mess behind me but right now i feel pety and spitefull.


You can argue semantics of words and what they mean but the bottom line is that this person did something i deserved to know.

And only a few months after that she got pregnant with my child.

I should have been given a choice there and then if i wanted to proceed but i didnt get that option. I was deceived and now i feel i cant trust any human being.


Also she didnt confess untill i basicly said i already knew and her lying just made it worse.

Then she said like half the truth and even later that night i felt she was hiding more and she finally confessed the whole scenario.


But whatever i didnt expect to get help cause noone can really help me now.

I have to try to think of my daughter and not let her mothers actions hurt her further.

 

[steppa]

So, I hope another member may find some wiser words than me.
The only thing I can do so far is to wish you the strength to go through this and this is what I do.

Best wishes!

 

[Path of misery]

Your advice is sound but my mind is cluttered, im sorry if i sound harch and not very nice.

I do appreciate all opinions and im thankful for you taking your time and energy to help me out.

 

[steppa]

Your advice is sound but my mind is cluttered, im sorry if i sound harch and not very nice.

Hehe...absoloutly no problem mate. I can't even imagine what must be going on inside your head now. And I guess it's totally okay to be angry in such a situation.

So again...best wishes!

 

[Dimethyltryptoman]

You need a hot bath.
about 20,000ug of vitamin D.
A Warm drink//alcoholic.
Some Weed.
Some solitude dude. Turmoil is turmoil.
Inner becomes outer, it's all a projection.
You can make yourself calm and then look back at all of this with a different set of eye lids. The frustration doesn't help anything, and humans for some reason love to be frustrated.

You are vibrating at a pretty low frequency and you should try to center yourself.
I mean this. It all sounds stupid. I once thought it sounded stupid. But you can harmonize yourself and look back at everything.

Children need their mother as much as they need their father. This isn't about whose property the child is nor the lies surrounding it. If there is any love here. You need to just relax at the moment and not let emotions get the better of you. They are more insidious and addicting than cocaine. Embrace the fact you have created a child. i may not know all of the information behind this story.

But this is just love from one Brother to Another.
Some of the greatest things in this world started out as lies.
The truth made it that much richer.

 

[hug46]

I agree with Steppa, your girlfriend didn"t lie to you she just chose not to tell you something that happened while you were not together. Not to mention that it happened 5 years ago... Ancient history. Get over it. You will both be better off for it. Unless there is a subconscious ulterior motive for your outrage, then you would be far better off addressing that instead. (that was speculation on my part from personal historical references).

Maybe when you finally confronted her on what happened (all those years ago) she initially lied for an easy life, because she knew your reaction might be over the top.

Try and see it from her point of view. She is pregnant, more than likely very hormonal and in need of reassurance and comfort. You asked if she cheated and she denied it because technically she didn"t cheat on you. Grow a set of balls, step up to the mark and look after your preganant girlfriend.

I am sorry if this advice is a little strong but if you are saying that you will never trust another female again then i deduce that you are in dire need of a little tough love. Everyone lies to eachother at one time or another. Sometimes it is necessary to keep a relationship stable.

 

[Path of misery]

She is not pregnnt, this all happened before she got pregnant, our daughter is over 5 years old now...

But whatever, should have known everyone would side with the female in this. I guess they can never do wrong huh


You bet my vibration is low, i just found out that someone i respected and loved thinks its more important to keep me around than give me a choice if i wanna be with her even if she blows off some dude around a couple days after we have big fight/break up.


And why should i take drugs to lessen my pain? sounds like the worst idea ever, i need a sober mind to figure out if i wanna live with someone who obviously thinks her happiness is more important than being honest about her actions.


And i dont care to much about the event per se, but how the hell can i trust her after not telling me this? could be the tip of a fucking iceberg for all i know...



But yeah obviouslyi made a mistake by posting here so im out.

 

[hug46]

But whatever, should have known everyone would side with the female in this. I guess they can never do wrong huh

I am not siding with her, i am just suggesting that you see it from her point of view.

And i dont care to much about the event per se, but how the hell can i trust her after not telling me this? could be the tip of a fucking iceberg for all i know...

After 10 years of being together you should have a pretty good idea on the trust thing.

But yeah obviouslyi made a mistake by posting here so im out.

Maybe. If you are going to throw a hissy fit when you don"t hear what you want to hear then maybe your girlfriend had a point in being coy with what happened in the past.

 

[steppa]

if i wanna live with someone who obviously thinks her happiness is more important than being honest about her actions.

That's exactly the question. Not the first part of the quote, but the second. Do you really think she acted like she did couse this would make happy? I can't know it, but could imagine that there could be other reasons too. I mean...man...you wrote she got depressed because of not being able to tell you. Doesn't sound like happyness...to me at least.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not on anyones side here. But you are angry, which is of course a normal reaction if someone breaks your trust. Especially loved ones.

But don't make important decissions when you are that angry. Wait to decide, at least till you both talked about this without yelling at each other. As you said...you need a clear mind.

Image this...If you both manage THIS situation, you'll be stronger then before. She might overcome her depression. If you act the right way now, she might learn that theres no reason not to tell you anything. This would be great for all three of you!

I know...it will be hard. But maybe at least worth a try. Best whishes mate.

 

[AgentClaret]

I do have to agree with the other posters, this is technically not a deep betrayal but I still understand where you are coming from.

I would say try to look at it this way; she ended up with you. Not saying you 'won' in the end, but whatever troubles you had back then were obviously judged by both of you to be worth working through.

You've been good up til this point (ignorance is bliss, eh? Whatever!). It's good you now know because you'll be aware of any potential crap like that in your future.

You've spent 10 years of your life with this woman and brought a new one into the world. So 'we always hurt the ones we love'... but from my perspective it sounds like she's your partner for life.

It sucks, but you can work through it. You're obviously a strong and introspective person or you wouldn't be on these forums in the first place, right?

<begin good vibe transmission>

 

[Path of misery]

Once again i am sorry for acting like this, this is not me but i cant see through this lense of anger and sorrow.

This whole ordeal has brought forth a side i didnt think i had, i thought i was better than this.


I get angry and upset cause i know your words to be true but my inner child just wants a reason to act like this and be right.


I have lived the last years of my life being generous and gave alot of love and time to people around me. But the last six months ive realised some people have been abusing my good will for free stuff and stealing my energy.

I guess this has put me in a paranoid state and this ordeal was the last straw.

 

[anrchy]

I would take some time to reflect on all this. Make some changes to aid in your happiness. Rid yourself of the energy vampires and talk with your chick. Let her know you have negative feelings of the past and need her help to combat them.

You and her are a team. I have been in the same situation minus the kid. You cant blame her for doing it nor for not telling you. After getting back together that isnt something that you would tell someone that would be received in a positive manner.

Put it behind you my friend, you will feel better.

 

[hug46]

I have lived the last years of my life being generous and gave alot of love and time to people around me. But the last six months ive realised some people have been abusing my good will for free stuff and stealing my energy.

I guess this has put me in a paranoid state and this ordeal was the last straw.

I might have been a bit of a dick with the wording of my replies. If so i apologise.

It seems to me as your story unfolds that you feel that people have been taking advantage of you and you have lumped a mistake that your girlfriend has made into the same pile of misdemeanors.

As far as your relationship goes you need to weigh the good points and bad points on a set of imaginary scales. See which way the balance tips, and go from there. If you love her then you are going to have to get over it. Not doing so and dwelling on the matter will only cause suffering to the 3 of you.

I still stand by my statement of seeing the events from her point of view.
Perhaps you were being a dickhead at the time (i know that i have been in the past) and she blew someone off in a pique of raging vengeance. Regretted it almost immediately and then just wanted to bury the whole sordid event because it meant nothing emotionally to her. The only real emotions that she was having were directed at you. The sex with another individual was just an oblique statement of her love for you.

 

[Entheogenerator]

I agree with most of the replies so far. For starters, this forum is not a place where people will just tell someone what they want to hear, which may or may not have been what you were seeking when you posted this.

It has nothing to do with "siding with the female". If it were the exact same situation but your partner was the one posting I would feel the exact same way, as I'm sure would the others who have replied to this thread.

If you were not together at the time, then it wasn't cheating. End of story

Also, it was five years ago. There is no reason to let something from that long ago ruin the present for you or your relationship. What matters is now. I have yet to encounter a single person on this Earth who has a flawless past, without a single mistake, and has never done anything that they regret or wish they had done differently. From what I can tell, it sounds like you have a woman who loves you (and who suffered a great deal of emotional distress for an action that really didn't warrant it), and a beautiful child. The cat is out of the bag, the truth has surfaced, and it is up to you how you let it affect you, your partner, and your daughter.

I don't blame her for not telling you about the incident the second that you two got back together. She probably anticipated that it would threaten the future of the relationship as well as that of your daughter, which sounds like exactly what has happened. How is it morally acceptable for you to lie to her by saying that someone called you and told you some secret, but immoral for her to choose not to share an incident in her past in which she was not even cheating or being unfaithful? To me, that seems illogical.

I sincerely wish you luck in this situation, and I hope that it works out for the best. I have been in similar situations in the past, and I know that they are far from pleasant. But you really have most of the power over how the situation unfolds, and I hope you are able to make a decision that will have minimal impact on you, your partner, and perhaps most importantly your daughter. Good luck, my friend.

 

[Path of misery]

Ive had some trips the last year which has given me a sense that i have some demonic or parasitic entities feeding of my rage and sorrow.

Esp one trip with dpt had me haunted by totally realistic demons that tortured me for what felt like eons.

These beings are smart though and i rarely see the them in sober life, but if i take something which gives me the visions the there presence is undeniable.


Im starting to suspect they were the ones whispering to me and telling me the truth before i knew anything.

The fact that i knew more details than possible without some kind of telepathic connection makes this very plausible in my mind.


Also im not the kind of person who normally would believe in stuff like this but my behaviour in the past days has scared me to beleive that something is up.



I am normally a person who people would call self aware and confident, but my childhood was tough and ive always had a hard time fitting in and getting friends.

I believe i somewhere made a deal with something evil, to give me courage and confidence but now i suspect they come to claim their price.

Yesterday i was in so much sorrow that i started cut myself with a razor and wrote the words pain, hate death on my wall with blood!

I felt possesed and was afraid of where this is gonna end.



I have never acted crazy like this, at least not im my adult life, i see the evil and im trying to fight it with love.


Thank you for trying to reason with me, its helping alot and today i could actually smile again since i realisise im in control and not my emotion or demons.

 

[Entheogenerator]

I sincerely hope you will seek professional help for this issue. Self-destruction will do nothing but cause more sorrow, pain, misery, and hatred for you and those around you.

 

[Path of misery]

Well i dont think any proffesional could really help me with this.

Any psychologist would just label me crazy and put me on some shitty meds that would get me to deny what i know.

I realise from an outward perspective i sound batshit crazy but i dont really act irrational atm.


If you had seen what i have seen then you would not doubt the existence of dark entities and the power they can have over humans and out behaviour.


I think denial of these things is what makes some people loose their shit from heavy psych use.


If you only accept happy trips and listen to ligjt beings but go into denial as soon as shit gets dark then i think you can get into deep problems.

All native tribes talk of these beings and how they can corrupt naive humans only because we dont believe in silly stuff like that.


Looking backwards i see what triggered my episode yesterday and it was reading all your ansvers here, i guess realising that my anger was misplaced and that my logical mind was right pissed my demons off and they responded by making me do stupid stuff.


The reason i posted here is cause i know some people here have experience with darkness and i was hoping for someone to share tools to figjting thwm off.

Right now im just working and listening to powerful trance music which always helps me to clear my mind of darkness.

 

[Path of misery]

Also im going throuhg nicotine withdrawal atm aftet stopping smoking weed with tobacco after new years eve.

This amplifies all my negative eemotns, although this might be a good thing since it makes everything more clear.