This isn't my first rodeo.
My first and only extration of DMT was in 2019 using the STB method. I remember the process well. I managed to procure all of the equipmet and ingredients online and for less than the price of a gram of spice. I can still put myself there, the bleachlike aroma of the NaOH in solution, the indole heavy "new car" smell of our friend, the potent petrochemical hint of naptha. After about 3 days of work, there it was - a number of clear crystals suspended in sticky yellow goo, about 1 g total from 50g MHRB. A low yield but I was happy. After some research into what exactly the "goo" was comprised of, I decided I did not want to waste any more time on further pruifying what I had obtained. So I took out my pipe, (one of those round glass meth pipes) and loaded up a measured dose. I can't remember exactly how much this was as this was 7 years ago. However, I remember that it was enough to encourage me that what I had was a potent psychedelic.
At this time in my life I had already tried a number of substances, starting MDMA, then LSD, followed by 2CB, psilocybin (synthetic and natural) and 2CE. I remember that first hit felt like an entire acid trip crammed into the space of 5 - 10 minutes. That first hit made me feel like an Alchemist. The excitement that I felt at my ability to manifest something so profound still resonates with me to this day. Where I had started out with caution and respect for the molecule, this soon made way to excitement and hubris.
I wanted to break through.
I was very naive. I threw all caution to the wind and loaded up a big clump of the sticky goop that was in my dish and clumsily put it in the pipe. This was a mistake, I implore that you do not repeat my mistake.
In hindsight I set myself up for failure as before taking the megadose I was watching the Trialogue between McKenna, Sheldrake and Abrham. This video was dealing with some pretty heavy topics and filled me with existential angst before I even picked up the pipe (what's that they say about set and setting?). What insued was an eternity of torment, my being stretched to infinity and back, unable to percieve what I was, where I was or how I was, only that it was wrong. I was one with the infinite space and that space was comprised of existential terror. it burned. From my research I was expecting some kind of build up, some sort of continuity but there was none. One minute I was me, sucking down the spice, the next I WAS a demension of terror, with no reccolection of this mode of existance, no gradient, no transition, just as if I'd been in that space forever. Then all of a sudden after an eternity of paint, I was back - still loaded beyond belief but convinced that something was fundimentally wrong. I remember not having any clue what was going on around me, convinced I had broken my brain, "I've finally done it now". Every thing that had ever given me existential fear was now present in my head, I had lost my mind, it was my fault, my parents knew everything, and the police were coming to arrest me. Gradually I came back to reality and I felt as though hot liquid had spilled all over my lap, or whatever concept slowly morphed into my lap as I came back around. The pipe had fallen onto my lap. I looked at it and then it all made sense. "Oh, oh my god, that.. I did DMT... thats what that was" - I thought .
At this point I was working an office job full time and I lived alone in my parents old house, I hadn't really lived much life and most of what I had lived was filled with worry and dread. I was absolutely terrified of everything, the spice showed me this as clearly as it could by condesing down my state of mind and making it my whole reality.
I had been a daily weed smoker at this point for at least 4 years, but that expereince left me so rattled I didnt smoke for a week. When I did smoke after that week, it was like something was slowly dragging me back to that place, like the DMT had opened something in my brain. I had to really pull my mind back from going down that tunnel. I had heard of the gateway process whilst doing some lunchtime reading at work. I found the technique from the CIA database. That night I had woken up at 4 in the morning and decided it was a good idea to smoke a huge joint and try this process, with my mind as delicate as it was this was a terrible idea - (this is a recurring theme in my life, no half measures eh?). I synchronised the hemispheres of my brain then fucused the energy to a point behind my eyes, I pushed forwards out into the void and Bam! - an overwhelming prescence filled my head - a mocking, devious intelligence. At the time I though I had let a demon into my brain. But after 7 years of diplomacy with this prescence, I have come to understand that it is simply my subconcious, or some culmination of the subconcious and my higher self (if theres even a difference?). The reason for its mocking nature was in response to my taking everything too seriously. At the time I was absolutly terrified of what was happening, was I schizophrenic? If i hadn't broken my brain before, I'd deffinitely done it now. The morning after this I was in work, I couldn't tell anyone what had happened or that it was still happening. There was a sort of overlay to reality, I could see the prescence of this subconcious entity overlayed on every physical thing in my vision, always there right in front. Watching. Its attitude was no longer mocking, or mean but almost benevolant, and craving attention. It wanted to be seen and acknowledged. Seeking solace I was nudged toward the Dao de Jing, which helped me greatly with the integration of many of these themes. It feels like all of this was an attmept from my subconcious to push me further towards my interest in esoteric knowledge and mysticism and to integrate it with my more traditional scientific interests.
That would remain the most potent experience of my life, untill i started experimenting with heroic doses of Ketamine, i'll save these experiences for a different post.
Now in the years since I have been terrified to attempt breaking through again, I have experimented with changa, lsd, psilocybin, all with varying degrees of insight. but nothing makes me sweat like good ol Dimitri. I've lived some life sife these experiences and it has tempered me. I'm now in a place where I can start to think about these thing again, in time.
I hear her calling... the spice.
PS- Crazy synchronicity - Last year at my local gym, I ended up meeting the sound engineer for the terrence video- the one that filled me with so much existential terror. His name was Tim Freeke, hes a pholosophy professor with a very interesting youtube channel (just - Tim Freeke - on youtube)
My first and only extration of DMT was in 2019 using the STB method. I remember the process well. I managed to procure all of the equipmet and ingredients online and for less than the price of a gram of spice. I can still put myself there, the bleachlike aroma of the NaOH in solution, the indole heavy "new car" smell of our friend, the potent petrochemical hint of naptha. After about 3 days of work, there it was - a number of clear crystals suspended in sticky yellow goo, about 1 g total from 50g MHRB. A low yield but I was happy. After some research into what exactly the "goo" was comprised of, I decided I did not want to waste any more time on further pruifying what I had obtained. So I took out my pipe, (one of those round glass meth pipes) and loaded up a measured dose. I can't remember exactly how much this was as this was 7 years ago. However, I remember that it was enough to encourage me that what I had was a potent psychedelic.
At this time in my life I had already tried a number of substances, starting MDMA, then LSD, followed by 2CB, psilocybin (synthetic and natural) and 2CE. I remember that first hit felt like an entire acid trip crammed into the space of 5 - 10 minutes. That first hit made me feel like an Alchemist. The excitement that I felt at my ability to manifest something so profound still resonates with me to this day. Where I had started out with caution and respect for the molecule, this soon made way to excitement and hubris.
I wanted to break through.
I was very naive. I threw all caution to the wind and loaded up a big clump of the sticky goop that was in my dish and clumsily put it in the pipe. This was a mistake, I implore that you do not repeat my mistake.
In hindsight I set myself up for failure as before taking the megadose I was watching the Trialogue between McKenna, Sheldrake and Abrham. This video was dealing with some pretty heavy topics and filled me with existential angst before I even picked up the pipe (what's that they say about set and setting?). What insued was an eternity of torment, my being stretched to infinity and back, unable to percieve what I was, where I was or how I was, only that it was wrong. I was one with the infinite space and that space was comprised of existential terror. it burned. From my research I was expecting some kind of build up, some sort of continuity but there was none. One minute I was me, sucking down the spice, the next I WAS a demension of terror, with no reccolection of this mode of existance, no gradient, no transition, just as if I'd been in that space forever. Then all of a sudden after an eternity of paint, I was back - still loaded beyond belief but convinced that something was fundimentally wrong. I remember not having any clue what was going on around me, convinced I had broken my brain, "I've finally done it now". Every thing that had ever given me existential fear was now present in my head, I had lost my mind, it was my fault, my parents knew everything, and the police were coming to arrest me. Gradually I came back to reality and I felt as though hot liquid had spilled all over my lap, or whatever concept slowly morphed into my lap as I came back around. The pipe had fallen onto my lap. I looked at it and then it all made sense. "Oh, oh my god, that.. I did DMT... thats what that was" - I thought .
At this point I was working an office job full time and I lived alone in my parents old house, I hadn't really lived much life and most of what I had lived was filled with worry and dread. I was absolutely terrified of everything, the spice showed me this as clearly as it could by condesing down my state of mind and making it my whole reality.
I had been a daily weed smoker at this point for at least 4 years, but that expereince left me so rattled I didnt smoke for a week. When I did smoke after that week, it was like something was slowly dragging me back to that place, like the DMT had opened something in my brain. I had to really pull my mind back from going down that tunnel. I had heard of the gateway process whilst doing some lunchtime reading at work. I found the technique from the CIA database. That night I had woken up at 4 in the morning and decided it was a good idea to smoke a huge joint and try this process, with my mind as delicate as it was this was a terrible idea - (this is a recurring theme in my life, no half measures eh?). I synchronised the hemispheres of my brain then fucused the energy to a point behind my eyes, I pushed forwards out into the void and Bam! - an overwhelming prescence filled my head - a mocking, devious intelligence. At the time I though I had let a demon into my brain. But after 7 years of diplomacy with this prescence, I have come to understand that it is simply my subconcious, or some culmination of the subconcious and my higher self (if theres even a difference?). The reason for its mocking nature was in response to my taking everything too seriously. At the time I was absolutly terrified of what was happening, was I schizophrenic? If i hadn't broken my brain before, I'd deffinitely done it now. The morning after this I was in work, I couldn't tell anyone what had happened or that it was still happening. There was a sort of overlay to reality, I could see the prescence of this subconcious entity overlayed on every physical thing in my vision, always there right in front. Watching. Its attitude was no longer mocking, or mean but almost benevolant, and craving attention. It wanted to be seen and acknowledged. Seeking solace I was nudged toward the Dao de Jing, which helped me greatly with the integration of many of these themes. It feels like all of this was an attmept from my subconcious to push me further towards my interest in esoteric knowledge and mysticism and to integrate it with my more traditional scientific interests.
That would remain the most potent experience of my life, untill i started experimenting with heroic doses of Ketamine, i'll save these experiences for a different post.
Now in the years since I have been terrified to attempt breaking through again, I have experimented with changa, lsd, psilocybin, all with varying degrees of insight. but nothing makes me sweat like good ol Dimitri. I've lived some life sife these experiences and it has tempered me. I'm now in a place where I can start to think about these thing again, in time.
I hear her calling... the spice.
PS- Crazy synchronicity - Last year at my local gym, I ended up meeting the sound engineer for the terrence video- the one that filled me with so much existential terror. His name was Tim Freeke, hes a pholosophy professor with a very interesting youtube channel (just - Tim Freeke - on youtube)
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