The vicious pain cycle

[VoidTraveler]

It's almost a year ago since I first ventured into the realm of psychedelics. Since that moment the world has been transformed into a place that I find significantly more bearable and pleasurable than before.

But it has also opened my eyes to suffering more than ever. Wherever I look, I seem to see pain and suffering in the people around me. Sure, I see plenty of joy, and I see plenty of people enjoying life. But plenty of folks are actually suffering from a plethora of issues. They can't find a job, health issues, money problems.

And I'm starting to see a pattern in their suffering: it's all a vicious self-reinforcing cycle.

Example:
I recently had to deal with ex-girlfriend with whom I've spend nearly nine years in a relationship and we broke up four years ago. A mutual friend is getting married and since the wedding date approaches rapidly I'm seeing my ex-girlfriend during activities concerning the weeding. Since the break up she got diagnosed with cluster headaches, which is a truly horrible condition in itself, but she's also suffering greatly under the lack of compassion from others. She encounters a lot of people who think she's pretending, complaining for no apparent reason or just lazy and uses her headache attacks as an easy way out. Suffering from cluster headaches is somewhat similar to being repeatedly stabbed in the face with a red hot needle for periods that last up to 30 to 60 minutes.

It hurts her a great deal that most people think that way. And while I totally understand that she feels that way, it does not help her in any case. She mostly comes off as a bitter and disgruntled woman that strongly believes that she deserves recognition of her condition. And while I agree she deserves that recognition, it will not come or very rarely.

How do my fellow Nexians deal with this? In this particular case I can't go around and tell her how she'll has to deal with it. Nobody would accept a "You know, nobody is going to care about this so you're better off changing your attitude to exclude those people". Currently, I see it and shrug it off. I can't change it, I can't help her(I did try to provide aid, I've pointed her to several sources that state that Psilocybin is very effective but she doesn't seem to want to go down that road), so I shouldn't carry her problems.

I have no intention of getting involved with the personal life of my ex-girlfriend, but I am interested to see how others handle seeing people around them in a circle of vicious suffering.

 

[SnozzleBerry]

Just to chime in on your case...many 5-HT2A agonists/serotonergic substances have been shown to help mitigate (and in some cases stop) cluster headaches for many people. I believe LSD, psilocybin-/psilocin- containing mushrooms, and LSA have all been written on with regards to them having this effect. I've felt DMT (and mushrooms) work magic with certain cranial pressure issues I've experienced throughout life. Additionally, there are a few tribes that use DMT-containing plants to make eye-drops for cluster-headaches/migraines.

The dosages for prevention/treatment are well below the psychedelic threshold for these substances, so even if she's averse to psychedelics/entheogens...it may be possible to provide her with a safe option she could be comfortable with. I had a friend who suffered from migraines (slightly different) who HATED taking her meds as a result of their effects on her and was fascinated by these alternative. Look around online, there's some great info, I was floored when my friend expressed an interest in micro-dosing mushrooms for her migraines.

Personally, I think suffering, in people who are unconscious of it or who are consumed by it (or just having a rough day), breeds more suffering as it's easy to give in to the pain and lash out at other people or yourself. It takes more effort to search for the root of the suffering and try to address it. I think jamie's signature "Hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people" is a good, if not overly simplified/dichotomous presentation of this general sentiment.

 

[Kobranek]

The psychedelic journey is a door which you can't step back and undo...the knowledge obtained will forever be known-for both the good and bad. Many people can't/and will not for the life of them want to deal with their bad or dark side of themselves...imo is what causes the suffering.
My father was a prime example of someone not wanting to deal with their dark side of themselves which in turn ruled every aspect of his life...unfortunately alcoholism got the best of him before he could make the change.
My wife is currently having problems accepting herself with all her emotional garbage that her family spews onto her, I'm currently trying to help her through this journey which is like trying to pull teeth... her family conditioning hasn't helped her, in fact it had only made things worse to try and break the cycle - especially without psychedelics (soon when the time is right we will journey with psilocybin)...her sister suffers with severe migraines but sounds almost identical to your ex's description.
At times I feel overwhelmed with the knowledge that I have been given with psyches but I am in a much better head space then before and more importantly much more grateful/appreciative for everything in my life. The psychedelic journey is a road less traveled and definitely isn't for everyone.

 

[VoidTraveler]

Just to chime in on your case...many 5-HT2A agonists/serotonergic substances have been shown to help mitigate (and in some cases stop) cluster headaches for many people. I believe LSD, psilocybin-/psilocin- containing mushrooms, and LSA have all been written on with regards to them having this effect.

While I specifically don't want to make this thread about dealing with cluster headaches, I am going to chime in on this a tiny bit: I've shared my knowledge of the sacred mushroom with my ex girlfriend. I know her well since we were together for a long time and based on that I've left out LSD because I know it frightens her.

I did provide her ample information on Psilocybin containing mushrooms, including links to support groups that use mushrooms, case studies from the scientific field, various Youtube videos and even the erowid page on treating clusters with Psilocybin. However, she said she wasn't sure if she would be going down that path. I know her well enough to assume it scares her, but I don't believe that bringing up the subject again so short after providing her with all the information is going to be helpful.

But that is the reason I started this thread: how do deal with the suffering of others without making it your own.

 

[VoidTraveler]

My father was a prime example of someone not wanting to deal with their dark side of themselves which in turn ruled every aspect of his life...unfortunately alcoholism got the best of him before he could make the change.

Sorry to hear that. Must have been hard, esp. since you're also dealing with the suffering of your partner. How do you deal with it on a personal level?

 

[SnozzleBerry]

how do deal with the suffering of others without making it your own.

Can you?

In "dealing with" someone else's suffering, are you not taking it on? Are you not, at least to some degree "making it your own?" It would seem to me that the only way to interact with the sufferings of others is to allow them to deal with it and to be present for, receptive of and compassionate towards them as they do so...beyond that, anything you do makes their suffering yours, by default.

 

[smokerx]

VD I am sorry to hear your story and completely understand you. It is very very difficult to see all the suffering out there. For some it may be hard to disconnect from it. You have done all you could to help her , you showed her the options but as you can see she does not want to walk that path. You can not force her to do so. It is only her decision and her responsibility.

How to deal with it is only up to you my friend nobody can tell you what you should or should not do in this situation. You are there for her if she needs and ask for help and that's all you can offer right now. At least that is what I think IMHO

I do see all the suffering around me and I know in my heart it could be undone very easily, but till all of us realise, it is every each of us that needs to change, I know I can not do much about it. All I can do right now is give love and help to all that need it and accept it like you are trying to do your self.


I am sending lots of love to you my friend.

 

[Icon]

I was friends with our valedictorian in high school and our senior year he was diagnosed with the cluster headaches or chronic daily headache or something. It did seem a pretty unbelievable disease, but it kept him from work, school, and seeing just about any one. He picked up vaporizing weed that he said helped a lot more than the pills they gave him. It was crazy, on sunny high-pressure days he'd be running across the room randomly to throw up from the pain, and on cloudy low-pressure days he'd be at peace.

He quickly turned into a really nasty person, manipulating the few friends around him that cared about him. He too showed the same need of wanting to be recognized and babied constantly for his condition. I can't blame him; but as you've already said, I think this is the wrong path for them and very self destructive. Be a friend, but not a cure or their tool.

 

[DMTripper]

She needs to step into her fear and do mushrooms. I think that's why she has these cluster headaches.
If she doesn't even want to try that, her condition can't be serious.
You can't always have an easy way out.

 

[Kobranek]

My father was a prime example of someone not wanting to deal with their dark side of themselves which in turn ruled every aspect of his life...unfortunately alcoholism got the best of him before he could make the change.

Sorry to hear that. Must have been hard, esp. since you're also dealing with the suffering of your partner. How do you deal with it on a personal level?

I make sure to set aside personal time for myself each day to allow time to reflect. If I don't do this it makes it very difficult to be there for my family without getting bogged down with emotion. I try to not let my thoughts become so much that they turn into full blown emotions which are easy to act out.
I love to recharge the batteries by going fishing, camping, snowboarding, pretty much anything in nature/outdoors works wonders with keeping stress at a minimum. Oh yeah I love to eat mushrooms and vape dmt!

 

[Electric Kool-Aid]

Real people here. Real problems. Real life.
Thanks for sharing your life with us.
I hope we can all achive the things we seek.
I hope we can cure the problems we have.
I am just happy we have people to be here and listen to us.

Thank you everyone for caring!!

 

[carlinesque]

I think part of our own unrelenting suffering in this life comes from seeing people we love or care about suffering, with nothing that can be done about it. We kind of have to sit back and watch our loved ones suffer physically and emotionally, then die. Sounds morbid, but that really is just the cycle. I don't think there is anything to be done beyond talking about possible pathways to getting well again. Your ex will have to find a way to ease her pain on her own. She's probably so fogged by her suffering she can't see that her own ignorance on medicine and pain management is what is holding her back completely from ever even almost finding out how to get well. She's going to need to be at her wits' end. Doesn't sound like she is there yet.

Do what you've been doing, VeeTee. There is nothing more to be done. One day, she might get to a low point where she's going to try just about ANYTHING just to see if it works. I don't personally know about cluster headaches but OH MAN have I heard the stories about what they're like; I can only imagine it's just a matter of time before you get a message from her inquiring about those drugs you've been telling her about that might help. And then that will be your time to really be there for her.

You're a good guy, Hubbz
Carlinesque

 

[VoidTraveler]

Thank you all for replying. You have given me plenty of material to contemplate and integrate into how I stand into the world. Thanks for sharing your opinions and views.