Void's Journey Into Silence

[Voidmatrix]

I just looked back at the report, and the degenerative discs are in my L5 through S1...

I'm looking after my elderly mom, and she has a few of these lumbar disk issues. It looks scary when one gets older.
She can barely go longer than 30m (100ft). And any kind of work or weights above 2kg (4lb) are out of the question.
Her health deteriorated very quickly after a certain age. These lower back injuries are no joke.

I'm so sorry.

I will have to augment physically and mentally. Not feeling well? Go deadlift or squat heavy, and while I've been doing that with this injury for years, I don't know if I've exacerbated the problem.

Yoga, and maybe stem cell therapy if it is possible in your case.
It's not even about being kind to yourself anymore, but a simple matter of survival.

I'm broke and have government insurance, so while shots and surgery or on the table, I'm not holding my breath. Fortunately I have other resources by proxy of some of the people that I know.

I've been an idiot to my body for years. Finding balance is tough, and I still struggle to be kind to myself.

I tell people that how my body looks is just a symbol of how hard I contain my insanity. I'm partially joking. Find the balance is really hard.

One love

 

[Jamie01]

keep your muscles strong and dont stop being active. My back is screwed too I have 2 herniated disks and (had?)bilateral sacroiliitis with bone marrow oedema. I can still out surf most kids but have to constantly work at it.

I think being a landscape gardener helps because I’m forced to squat a lot and carry trees etc around. I have to push myself to work, surf, skate daily but it’s maintained my ability to support my screwed up back.

 

[Voidmatrix]

keep your muscles strong and dont stop being active. My back is screwed too I have 2 herniated disks and (had?)bilateral sacroiliitis with bone marrow oedema. I can still out surf most kids but have to constantly work at it.

I think being a landscape gardener helps because I’m forced to squat a lot and carry trees etc around. I have to push myself to work, surf, skate daily but it’s maintained my ability to support my screwed up back.

Thank you. I don't plan on stopping movement, my life is built around, but I am going to have to navigate differently.

Glad I'm becoming a yoga teacher...

One love

 

[blig-blug]

Thank you. I don't plan on stopping movement, my life is built around, but I am going to have to navigate differently.

Glad I'm becoming a yoga teacher...

One love

Have you considered calisthenics? It needs a lot of bodily control, something it shares with yoga. It could be a good way to stay strong while being more forgiving for the back.

 

[Jamie01]

If you have not tried already void, a tense machine might help if you have pain while immobile, at night etc..it won’t heal a labrum tear but it helps the muscles to relax and increase blood flow.

I use one a lot on my shoulders for rotator cuff tendinitis that keeps recurring, as well as my back and hips. Esp while driving my hip and SI joint can ache a lot and the tense machine really helps there.

 

[northape]

Self-doubt makes me worry about the time frame, though all of my pharma experiences have been great. Changa is nice because it's longer and more coherent the just freebase NN-DMT, and it's easy to redose, which I try to do.

To each his own. If it works for you, that's good. Relationships with medicines are complicated and personal. I feel like they choose the practitioners and not the other way around.

I will have to augment physically and mentally. Not feeling well? Go deadlift or squat heavy, and while I've been doing that with this injury for years, I don't know if I've exacerbated the problem.

No one knows. It's part of your karma/destiny. You work with what you have.

I'm broke and have government insurance, so while shots and surgery or on the table, I'm not holding my breath. Fortunately I have other resources by proxy of some of the people that I know.

Same here. Maybe some fortunate opportunity would come up, like winning a lottery.

I tell people that how my body looks is just a symbol of how hard I contain my insanity. I'm partially joking. Find the balance is really hard.

The real spiritual quest leads toward insanity [from a normal standpoint].
Insanity comes from ego. When ego disappears, there is only sanity.

I was thinking about you and reflected a bit. No one can put themselves into your skin and feel what it's like.
All our advice is only wind. You end up alone with your predicament and life. All we can truly do here is to hold space for you.
Your healing is in your hands. I know how difficult it could be, but never lose faith. The basis of this reality is LOVE

 

[Voidmatrix]

To each his own. If it works for you, that's good. Relationships with medicines are complicated and personal. I feel like they choose the practitioners and not the other way around.

No one knows. It's part of your karma/destiny. You work with what you have.

Same here. Maybe some fortunate opportunity would come up, like winning a lottery.

The real spiritual quest leads toward insanity [from a normal standpoint].
Insanity comes from ego. When ego disappears, there is only sanity.

I was thinking about you and reflected a bit. No one can put themselves into your skin and feel what it's like.
All our advice is only wind. You end up alone with your predicament and life. All we can truly do here is to hold space for you.
Your healing is in your hands. I know how difficult it could be, but never lose faith. The basis of this reality is LOVE

I apologize, I must've misspoke or given the wrong vibe at some point in this thread, but I'm not seeking help, I'm not seeking advice. I'm expressing myself and exploring a situation.

If I'm as enigmatic and on a different wavelength as seems to be the case, then I great deal of advice won't be fitting anyway. There may not be much advice for me out there.

All the same, as always, thank you for reading and your kindness.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Have you considered calisthenics? It needs a lot of bodily control, something it shares with yoga. It could be a good way to stay strong while being more forgiving for the back.

Already practice a lot of calisthenics. Not to brag, but to highlight, I can explosive pushup, pike push up, pistol squat, dragon squat on a bosu, dragon flag, muscle up, and skin the cat to name a few. I love it and it flows well with yoga.

If you have not tried already void, a tense machine might help if you have pain while immobile, at night etc..it won’t heal a labrum tear but it helps the muscles to relax and increase blood flow.

I use one a lot on my shoulders for rotator cuff tendinitis that keeps recurring, as well as my back and hips. Esp while driving my hip and SI joint can ache a lot and the tense machine really helps there.

Thank you. I have one. I just need to use it more. I find it's hit or miss for how helpful it is, and it's kinda tedious to set up, but I'll have to just deal with it at this point.

One love

 

[northape]

I apologize, I must've misspoke or given the wrong vibe at some point in this thread, but I'm not seeking help, I'm not seeking advice. I'm expressing myself and exploring a situation.
If I'm as enigmatic and on a different wavelength as seems to be the case, then I great deal of advice won't be fitting anyway. There may not be much advice for me out there.
All the same, as always, thank you for reading and your kindness.
One love

I know that you are not seeking help. It's mostly my innate tendency to try to help.
Maybe, I wrote it to myself - who knows? I honestly pray for your happiness and peace of mind.
May all be Well

 

[Voidmatrix]

I know that you are not seeking help. It's mostly my innate tendency to try to help.
Maybe, I wrote it to myself - who knows? I honestly pray for your happiness and peace of mind.
May all be Well

I appreciate that. And I appreciate the desire to help. I really do.

I'm just out here blubbering though, telling myself it's false that "no one wants to hear what I have to say."

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Little changes in the silence.

Before running errands I plugged in my mod to finally try out my DMT cart that I made a couple months ago.

I get back. I'm nervous, but tell myself that it won't be like my first journeys over a decade ago. I screwed it in and checked to see if it would fire. The device said there was no coil, meaning it wasn't registering the cart. So I tried I regular battery. Also didn't work.

Moving instead to my GVG, the batteries in my scale were dead. So I went downstairs and got new batteries.

I had my journey. It was nice.

I'm mentioning this because in the past I would've saved the attempt for another day after the mod failed.

One love

 

[northape]

Thank you for sharing

From my experience, any resistance close to a ceremony (mental or material, if there is even a difference) hints that some good work could be done.
Resistance always comes from ego, which doesn't want to change or let its king position go.
Working through it all, we little by little see a bigger reality behind ourselves. That reality is filled with love and grace.
Just Be

 

[premeditated]

The pure breakthrough I had with nasal spray was maybe 4 times but after my system got used to it...it ended up being kinda of a let down. But im super satisfied with the results giving me a break from rumination.

Glad to hear you are back in hyperspace.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Disclaimer: The following is simply a further discussion and reflection around my difficulties in doing psychedelics, which I cover repeatedly. If it bores you, don't torture yourself. I am constantly on this merri-go-round, and if it's annoying to me, then it's probably annoying to others, but it helps to get it out to the right audience.

Through a series of thoughts I ended up here. Still in silence, preparing for a dab, thinking about it again; the usual trepidation and indecision around my journeying. Digging deeper, dodging the ever present negativity bias, and taking a step back, what steps and growth has been taken recently that directly addresses this repeated issue? For one, not giving a f helps. It means that I care less about going as deep as some weird part of me feels I "ought" to go. If I'm not going the distance, I'm not going the distance. It's just what it is, the big deal, I'm not sure, but it's just where I am. Secondly, such feelings are a cue, and once recognized becomes a reminder to journey. Much of this is self-doubt. The way through self-doubt is to do what there is doubt in oneself about doing. As such, this [journeys in general] are practice in exorcising self-doubt and practicing doing what I want, because a vast part of me always wants to be in the space. Third, the space has "gotten real" for me, and has for a long long time.

Now, I'm remembering, there are hints I need to be taking... remember them in general is the hardest part of all this

Round and round we go. In silence. What's funny to note is that I've had some nice mild experiences in the recent days, but here we are. Round and round we go.



One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Another appropriate and encapsulating image that I just stumbled across...

 

[premeditated]

Another appropriate and encapsulating image that I just stumbled across...

View attachment 104583

To me it contradicts itself. Once ppl feel like they have risen above the normal pressures and become less egotistical....then they become more egotistical in proving they have risen above. Like super religious ppl. Saying come follow my god he will not judge...meanwhile judging all your choices.

 

[northape]

To me it contradicts itself. Once ppl feel like they have risen above the normal pressures and become less egotistical....then they become more egotistical in proving they have risen above. Like super religious ppl. Saying come follow my god he will not judge...meanwhile judging all your choices.

People never go all the way, and they enjoy playing ego games at all levels. When you have truly risen above societal restrictions internally, you can easily engage with society. It will never have the same grip on you or govern your behavior. Preachers are just another part of a culture selling stuff. A real preacher never assumes this role; it is forced upon him by others. Westerners are crazy, by the way. We are all crazy here and trying to sell it as sanity. I would laugh every day if it were not so sad.

 

[Voidmatrix]

To me it contradicts itself. Once ppl feel like they have risen above the normal pressures and become less egotistical....then they become more egotistical in proving they have risen above. Like super religious ppl. Saying come follow my god he will not judge...meanwhile judging all your choices.

That's just one interpretation of the picture. It's also feasible that one elevates themselves in such a way that they do whatever they want and the things they want fall within a gradient of grace and non-malice. It's not a guarantee that someone in this position becomes more egotistical.

Case in point, why do I, an enigmatic, intelligent, well-rounded individual really have use for caring about what another person has to say or think about my psychedelic use (a societal pressure)? I don't. It's beneath me, that doesn't mean I don't have to navigate it. But it being beneath me doesn't mean I'm being egotistical.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Another note is how one thinks, which informs and directs them through the world. Again, myself as an example, not showing any egotistical side, one can see even here I'm on a different wavelength. While many pick conceptual camps of one form or another, it's very hard for me to. I juggle metaphysical principles and hop merrily along through and in paradigms (to address cultural narratives since I covered societal pressures on a personal note).

One love

 

[premeditated]

That's just one interpretation of the picture. It's also feasible that one elevates themselves in such a way that they do whatever they want and the things they want fall within a gradient of grace and non-malice. It's not a guarantee that someone in this position becomes more egotistical.

Case in point, why do I, an enigmatic, intelligent, well-rounded individual really have use for caring about what another person has to say or think about my psychedelic use (a societal pressure)? I don't. It's beneath me, that doesn't mean I don't have to navigate it. But it being beneath me doesn't mean I'm being egotistical.

One love

Absolutely. Sorry if I came off pessimistic. I was just giving another perspective. If only I had this knowledge 20 years ago....or better yet maximize the next 20 years in joy