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Why DMT Scares Me
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
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I am finally ready.
I'm confident about the inclement depth that I can go with just 15mg. There is a note in my DMT book that says I can always handle 15mg. This is true. This is known on an intellectual level. But on a soul level, and on an emotional level, levels of felt senses, this is something to still be realized.
Receiving and allowing, it's not arrogant or inaccurate to realize myself.
My skepticism has no exceptions, not me, not itself. To say "I got this," I then want to know how I know. What satisfies this? Nothing of the sort that can satisfy conviction. I don't have many.
I can have conviction that I've got this. That I have the capability, capacity, resilience, strength and determination. All of these things come from choice. As I reflect, I have been staunch in conditioning myself for more depth. That's what a lot of my work over the years has been: training.
I can say these things, but the barrier of strict standards must fall in order to allow them into my being. Saying them helps to hammer that wall down, or dismantle it gracefully brick by brick.
Really, one can observe a heuristic at play. I can't remember the name of the cognitive bias, but it goes as follows: the more times one hears something, even when they initially know or feel it to be untrue, the more likely they are to see it as true.
The more I acknowledge my capacity, capability, resiliency, strength, determination, the more likely I am to believe it's true.
We can't neglect to see the double edge here. Many people delude themselves in this way.
Am I deluding myself? I guess hyperspace will tell me. And perhaps not all delusions are unwelcome... slippery slopes in these parts.
I packed 15mg after coming home from work between two layers of cannabis. I was very tired, but was glad to be tired because I wanted to show some determination in getting to where I am going. The more tired I am, the less confidence I have, and the more mellow of an experience I have, though I want moar. After unpacking my bags, prepping the space, and chilling out for a bit, I went for it... a lil too much.
It was a very strange, very mild experience. Not much happened, and I sat with that while my heart beated hard from the nervousness of intentionally going deeper than I have in a while. I didn't care that my fear was there. I was disappointed. Instead of redosing, I stayed with everything that I was feeling allowing myself to rest, because I'm feeling burnt out again.
Every now and then some light visuals would grace my eyes, but overall it was a reflective space.
After resting in it a bit, I grabbed the changa pipe with remnants in it from two days ago. I took two hits, and laid back down. While not super visual, I was moving through a realm or two, and thinking about how, yes, I am finally ready. I'm still concerned about going too far, but that's hard to do. When they take me, it's not too far, but surprising, and only too far relative to my intent in that moment.
Gleaning confidence, I keep going back to that visual 10mg experience as well as my second to last mushroom journey (well and now the last one too). In all of those experiences, I could've gone deeper and it would've been fine. Receiving my own acknowledgement.
If there's time tomorrow and I feel I have the energy, we're going to try and do 15mg again. I know @yatyas314 would say to go for it again right now, and maybe I will tonight, but there's other self-care to be done in this moment.
One love
I'm confident about the inclement depth that I can go with just 15mg. There is a note in my DMT book that says I can always handle 15mg. This is true. This is known on an intellectual level. But on a soul level, and on an emotional level, levels of felt senses, this is something to still be realized.
Receiving and allowing, it's not arrogant or inaccurate to realize myself.
My skepticism has no exceptions, not me, not itself. To say "I got this," I then want to know how I know. What satisfies this? Nothing of the sort that can satisfy conviction. I don't have many.
I can have conviction that I've got this. That I have the capability, capacity, resilience, strength and determination. All of these things come from choice. As I reflect, I have been staunch in conditioning myself for more depth. That's what a lot of my work over the years has been: training.
I can say these things, but the barrier of strict standards must fall in order to allow them into my being. Saying them helps to hammer that wall down, or dismantle it gracefully brick by brick.
Really, one can observe a heuristic at play. I can't remember the name of the cognitive bias, but it goes as follows: the more times one hears something, even when they initially know or feel it to be untrue, the more likely they are to see it as true.
The more I acknowledge my capacity, capability, resiliency, strength, determination, the more likely I am to believe it's true.
We can't neglect to see the double edge here. Many people delude themselves in this way.
Am I deluding myself? I guess hyperspace will tell me. And perhaps not all delusions are unwelcome... slippery slopes in these parts.
I packed 15mg after coming home from work between two layers of cannabis. I was very tired, but was glad to be tired because I wanted to show some determination in getting to where I am going. The more tired I am, the less confidence I have, and the more mellow of an experience I have, though I want moar. After unpacking my bags, prepping the space, and chilling out for a bit, I went for it... a lil too much.
It was a very strange, very mild experience. Not much happened, and I sat with that while my heart beated hard from the nervousness of intentionally going deeper than I have in a while. I didn't care that my fear was there. I was disappointed. Instead of redosing, I stayed with everything that I was feeling allowing myself to rest, because I'm feeling burnt out again.
Every now and then some light visuals would grace my eyes, but overall it was a reflective space.
After resting in it a bit, I grabbed the changa pipe with remnants in it from two days ago. I took two hits, and laid back down. While not super visual, I was moving through a realm or two, and thinking about how, yes, I am finally ready. I'm still concerned about going too far, but that's hard to do. When they take me, it's not too far, but surprising, and only too far relative to my intent in that moment.
Gleaning confidence, I keep going back to that visual 10mg experience as well as my second to last mushroom journey (well and now the last one too). In all of those experiences, I could've gone deeper and it would've been fine. Receiving my own acknowledgement.
If there's time tomorrow and I feel I have the energy, we're going to try and do 15mg again. I know @yatyas314 would say to go for it again right now, and maybe I will tonight, but there's other self-care to be done in this moment.
One love
My hands and other parts of my body have been shaking as I hit the bowl. Trembling. In the past, I've thought that I ought to be able to steady myself enough that that doesn't happen, and because it's happening, maybe I'm not ready for the given dose.
My legs shook too before jumping off the Bloukran's Bridge, but I still did it.
All of the stuff that I look at as weakness in myself; shaking/trembling, feeling like I'm going to poop my pants, an incessant need to burp, racing mind, etc are just there and it's intended for me to get up in hyperspace in spite of them being there, existing in a way for me to experience.
I just did 15mg. Nothing to report. I know I'm burning some of it. But after my eye appointment, I'll do it again.
One love
My legs shook too before jumping off the Bloukran's Bridge, but I still did it.
All of the stuff that I look at as weakness in myself; shaking/trembling, feeling like I'm going to poop my pants, an incessant need to burp, racing mind, etc are just there and it's intended for me to get up in hyperspace in spite of them being there, existing in a way for me to experience.
I just did 15mg. Nothing to report. I know I'm burning some of it. But after my eye appointment, I'll do it again.
One love
yatyas314
Established member
I did in fact I got inspired and went for a long journey last night. It was a perfect evening cooler and crisp weather light wind on my cheek, after the ride I just laid down and slept outside for a few hours until the sun came up. I don't weigh anything I just intuitively go until the feeling is right, that's the mode I am currently operating in and it helps me trust myself more and more.
Y
Well... that was pretty effin dope.
As promised, I did it again after my eye appointment. An intuition told me to only add in another 10mg on top of the itty bitty amount that was left over from the earlier 15mg.
I switched up how I pulled, having an initial strong inhale to cherry the material, and then slowing it greatly to allow it time to burn well and effectively. With changa, I just smoalk it, I don't focus on how I'm inhaling, just inhaling hard enough to pull the flame down.
Well, I knew I could be smoalking it better and figured if out. While I could still access my body, and certain resources, like my breath, this one was very vivid, and I was somewhere else.
A fluxing sentient room.
Occasionally cracks would appear showing there was someplace further to go... it was at least orange black in that other space, because the one I was in was more of subdued greens, blues, and grays.
I can't remember what exactly right now caused it, but I spent most of the experience laughing hysterically and maniacally, likely sounding as though I was losing my mind... well, I did a little.
Now, there was obviously more than 10mg in there... but how much moar? I mean the bottom was almost all out, but some of that initial dose was certainly melted in the tiny amount of ganja that was in there.
All in all, I'm not that worried. I plan on always packing 10-15mg, aiming to be closer to 15mg. I'm confident I would've been fine even if I'd entered a hellscape.
That's more of the depth I'm talking about! And I did it while I'm so damn tired.
And I've said it before, I'll never get how sensitive I've become. I was gone. I recall reminding myself that there wasn't anymore than 20mg smoalked in that moment when the usual worries started to creep in. But abductions do happen...
There's no turning back. I found myself ready for what was to come today and I will be ready in the future...
The shit is weird.
One love
As promised, I did it again after my eye appointment. An intuition told me to only add in another 10mg on top of the itty bitty amount that was left over from the earlier 15mg.
I switched up how I pulled, having an initial strong inhale to cherry the material, and then slowing it greatly to allow it time to burn well and effectively. With changa, I just smoalk it, I don't focus on how I'm inhaling, just inhaling hard enough to pull the flame down.
Well, I knew I could be smoalking it better and figured if out. While I could still access my body, and certain resources, like my breath, this one was very vivid, and I was somewhere else.
A fluxing sentient room.
Occasionally cracks would appear showing there was someplace further to go... it was at least orange black in that other space, because the one I was in was more of subdued greens, blues, and grays.
I can't remember what exactly right now caused it, but I spent most of the experience laughing hysterically and maniacally, likely sounding as though I was losing my mind... well, I did a little.
Now, there was obviously more than 10mg in there... but how much moar? I mean the bottom was almost all out, but some of that initial dose was certainly melted in the tiny amount of ganja that was in there.
All in all, I'm not that worried. I plan on always packing 10-15mg, aiming to be closer to 15mg. I'm confident I would've been fine even if I'd entered a hellscape.
That's more of the depth I'm talking about! And I did it while I'm so damn tired.
And I've said it before, I'll never get how sensitive I've become. I was gone. I recall reminding myself that there wasn't anymore than 20mg smoalked in that moment when the usual worries started to creep in. But abductions do happen...
There's no turning back. I found myself ready for what was to come today and I will be ready in the future...
The shit is weird.
One love
12mg.
I'll keep it short. Lots of laughing again, because this is just wild. Got visual, but not as much as yesterday, though I fumbled in my smoking approach. While maintaining a visual component, it became deeply somatic, shaking hard, accompanied by glossalalia.
Therapeutic.
One love
I'll keep it short. Lots of laughing again, because this is just wild. Got visual, but not as much as yesterday, though I fumbled in my smoking approach. While maintaining a visual component, it became deeply somatic, shaking hard, accompanied by glossalalia.
Therapeutic.
One love
Mmm, that nagging little itch. Bitter little scratch, like a papercut, whispering at me. Giving me that inkling, that feeling. It comes in the form of "you've done it a lot lately, don't overdo it, be careful."
It's all under 15mg! I do what I want!
My plan today is to load between 10mg-15mg, see what happens, and follow it up finishing a changa bowl.
Let's reread this situation: the space seems to have created the environment for me to get up in there and get up in there often. I have "easy access," in the sense that such a small dose needed makes it easy to go for it and get it all in one toke. Minimal effort needed.
As we ask at work, "what if it's easy?"
One love
It's all under 15mg! I do what I want!
My plan today is to load between 10mg-15mg, see what happens, and follow it up finishing a changa bowl.
Let's reread this situation: the space seems to have created the environment for me to get up in there and get up in there often. I have "easy access," in the sense that such a small dose needed makes it easy to go for it and get it all in one toke. Minimal effort needed.
As we ask at work, "what if it's easy?"
One love
I'm very happy with myself in this moment.
While being as tired as I am, and it being Sunday, I managed to train one of the other guides and run her through a workout, run integration with a client, prepped and participated and broke down a meet and greet at the center.
THEN I came home and held ceremony for myself, loading 12mg of DMT.
In my torpor, I inhaled to hard and didn't let the DMT really bake in the cannabis. A lackluster experience.
But I went for it, and I felt comfortable and confident about doing so.
Then finished the changa bowl... then packed another an took several hits.
Nothing was really that visual, putting them as items in the background overall. But it's the acts and the approach that are meaningful. They build an internal habit.
One love
While being as tired as I am, and it being Sunday, I managed to train one of the other guides and run her through a workout, run integration with a client, prepped and participated and broke down a meet and greet at the center.
THEN I came home and held ceremony for myself, loading 12mg of DMT.
In my torpor, I inhaled to hard and didn't let the DMT really bake in the cannabis. A lackluster experience.
But I went for it, and I felt comfortable and confident about doing so.
Then finished the changa bowl... then packed another an took several hits.
Nothing was really that visual, putting them as items in the background overall. But it's the acts and the approach that are meaningful. They build an internal habit.
One love
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The saga continues. Nice altar you have there. I felt cozy looking at it 
Mountain climbers train away from the mountain or at least away from the peaks before traversing to the summit (regarding the Alps and Himalayas).
A deep sea diver trains in shallower waters before going into the depths.
An astronaut trains on the planet and inside the atmosphere before disembarking into space.
After only a few rough experiences, I've trained in lighter experiences.
I'm well trained.
One love
A deep sea diver trains in shallower waters before going into the depths.
An astronaut trains on the planet and inside the atmosphere before disembarking into space.
After only a few rough experiences, I've trained in lighter experiences.
I'm well trained.
One love
Finally a day off. Minimal stimulation overall.
11mg after the gym and a great conversation with a girl that I often talk to and hang out with at the gym. She's pretty awesome, I must say.
I'm going to hang out in these sub 15mg doses for a while. It's such a crapshoot, even this low, but I have a lot of confidence that I'll manage it just fine. And I'm aware I can go higher, but there's a practice and a discipline and an aim to what I'm doing now.
This experience had me on edge, with that suspended expectancy feeling, because I had enough somatic activation that I couldn't help but anticipate a more visual component that never arrived.
It was intense, but it was good. Left me feeling in good spirits, reinforced what needs to be reinforced, and was a good little reset. If I shake, it's a good thing. It was needed.
Ima get more stoned, eat, and take a nap.
Love you peeps.
One love
11mg after the gym and a great conversation with a girl that I often talk to and hang out with at the gym. She's pretty awesome, I must say.
I'm going to hang out in these sub 15mg doses for a while. It's such a crapshoot, even this low, but I have a lot of confidence that I'll manage it just fine. And I'm aware I can go higher, but there's a practice and a discipline and an aim to what I'm doing now.
This experience had me on edge, with that suspended expectancy feeling, because I had enough somatic activation that I couldn't help but anticipate a more visual component that never arrived.
It was intense, but it was good. Left me feeling in good spirits, reinforced what needs to be reinforced, and was a good little reset. If I shake, it's a good thing. It was needed.
Ima get more stoned, eat, and take a nap.
Love you peeps.
One love
I am going to take a little break. Just a little one. It might be a day, it might be a week or two. This isn't worry or neuroses. This is wisdom. While physically safe and well-tolerated, there is still the idea of too much of a good thing, and that's a tilled field for inclement trouble that can creep in. In short, I do feel that there is such a thing as too much DMT use and overuse, and I'll be damned if I fall into that category. If we're going to be heavy psychedelic users, we have to be even more mindful. I have a lot to let in, receive, process, and integrate anyway.
One love
One love
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yatyas314
Established member
Why DMT Scares me, what a perfect name for a thread. I can tell you....I just stepped back in from my patio where I do my thing. Tonight everything I thought about Dmt changed, I don't know what I did differently or what happened but tonight was the most intense experience I have ever had. I want to instinctually say that it was what I imagined dying might feel like. It was so intense and new in the sense that I have never felt anything like what just happened. I take notes and have a talk to text app just for trip reports nothing in my whole psychedelic experiences prepared me for what just happened. This thing that we are all here for and talk about has changed the way I think about all aspects of my life. I don't mean to ramble I have more detail but I will do it in an experience report.
Y
PS @Voidmatrix I thought of you when I started to cling to the edges of reality. I see folks have opinions about how much or how often. If I am thinking about you at the edge of reality your doing a fine job here sir.
Y
PS @Voidmatrix I thought of you when I started to cling to the edges of reality. I see folks have opinions about how much or how often. If I am thinking about you at the edge of reality your doing a fine job here sir.
Thank you for letting me know I'm doing something right. Touching my heart and something beautiful to read upon waking up. Thank you
One love
Break is over. I really just wanted to check in with myself.
While I do have my stance on overuse, we're not all the same and I've conditioned myself for my current frequency of work.
I'd be remiss to not also acknowledge the personal benefit I am experiencing on many levels as well as the even deeper bonding occurring with this medicine and myself.
I am going to dose it with cannabis and follow it up with changa. But the next step for me is to keep playing around with doses under 16mg and start using a dedicated rig that I've had for a long time. It needs some use. It'll be interesting to see how far these low doses take me when it's less likely I'm burning any of it.
One love
While I do have my stance on overuse, we're not all the same and I've conditioned myself for my current frequency of work.
I'd be remiss to not also acknowledge the personal benefit I am experiencing on many levels as well as the even deeper bonding occurring with this medicine and myself.
I am going to dose it with cannabis and follow it up with changa. But the next step for me is to keep playing around with doses under 16mg and start using a dedicated rig that I've had for a long time. It needs some use. It'll be interesting to see how far these low doses take me when it's less likely I'm burning any of it.
One love
Well this is a strange feeling to finally recognize and name in myself...
A feeling I ought to do this medicine.
I should do this medicine.
It expects me to...
I recieve you as much as you receive me, medicine
I think @Panpsychic gets it.
One love
A feeling I ought to do this medicine.
I should do this medicine.
It expects me to...
I recieve you as much as you receive me, medicine
I think @Panpsychic gets it.
One love
11mg
Heavy. Vivid. The veil. It was amazing.
At the end I said aloud, "thank you for holding me and for holding space and helping me through that," and responded with, "It was my honor, thank you for saying yes." Roughly.
And before, I stated, "I receive you as you receive me."
@northape Yes, the saga continues...
One love
Heavy. Vivid. The veil. It was amazing.
At the end I said aloud, "thank you for holding me and for holding space and helping me through that," and responded with, "It was my honor, thank you for saying yes." Roughly.
And before, I stated, "I receive you as you receive me."
@northape Yes, the saga continues...
One love
Interesting. I decided to treat myself for all my hard work. This is my first DMT/changa bonga.
View attachment 20251017_110251.mp4
One love
View attachment 20251017_110251.mp4
One love
Though wiped out, I still went for it. I couldn't not use my new piece that has a whole lot of meaning to and for me. It helps me to celebrate myself (something I've never really known or understood how to do, so much so I didn't walk with my class for my college graduation) and all of the hard work that I've put in. It celebrates rounding a corner that I've been trying to get around for a while. A page, that at the time, was too heavy to turn. And again, it's my first dedicated DMT/changa bong. While I don't need anymore glass, I'm really happy I got it. I also vibe with the imagery a lot. I find it more intimate when taking my dose in that I can look directly down in the bowl and watch it burn, coverting the dose for me, as the result of the conversion, the smoke and vapor, glide up the chamber and into me.
"I receive you as you receive me."
11mg. I burned some of it, obvious by the slight burn felt at the back of my throat. Then I packed a little bit of changa on top after landing and went back in.
It was great. Here's to more great experiences, better memories of them, and more good times to come.
One love
"I receive you as you receive me."
11mg. I burned some of it, obvious by the slight burn felt at the back of my throat. Then I packed a little bit of changa on top after landing and went back in.
It was great. Here's to more great experiences, better memories of them, and more good times to come.
One love
ommani
Titanium Teammate
I didn’t walk for my college graduation, either. To be honest, I don’t think the thought of doing so even crossed my mind. Instead, I’m pretty sure I took some cactus that day and went on a walk about, which I would still consider a better use of my time. Now, if I ever make it back to grad school and actually graduate, that feels different, somehow, but I’ll cross that bridge if/when I get there.