Cool, All Free-bases covered then.
So when's D-mt-Day?
Bon Voyage....
So when's D-mt-Day?
Bon Voyage....
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Why DMT Scares Me
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
- Start date
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- Tags
- dmt
It might be next weekend... I won't know until maybe Wednesday if not the day of.
One love
Had a funny talk with my boss yesterday. After being informed about my new roles and duties, we talked about my potential for DMTx. While simply revisiting preparing for such an event, he mentions to probably not smoalk the day before... 
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One love
I am excited to read about the experience, Safe travels @Voidmatrix .
Y
Y
There were unfortunately some hiccups picking up medicine so the foray is on hold. Will keep everyone posted.
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One love
Alrighty, so it's looking like late February/ early March is when I'll get to go. So much busyness at the center until then.
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It's the self doubt the curtails and stifles my liberation. While I am the one self doubting, it ain't my self doubt. Shedding what's not mine, cyclically, burning and peeling layers away. The more it is acknowledged, the moar it is assuaged. Aligned and accessing my sovereignty and agency, I am pushing the periphery of comfort with my own choice.
I'm smoalking later!
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I'm smoalking later!
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Hmm, another permutation that explores this fear.
Given that I had complex ptsd before doing DMT, that means I brought a traumatized and hypervigiliant nervous system into the space. I was predisposed to a trauma response. It put me on a pedestal the first time, which I am not cool with, and subsequently went back two more times. And now I am where I am. And that's okay.
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Given that I had complex ptsd before doing DMT, that means I brought a traumatized and hypervigiliant nervous system into the space. I was predisposed to a trauma response. It put me on a pedestal the first time, which I am not cool with, and subsequently went back two more times. And now I am where I am. And that's okay.
One love
A lot has transformed throughout all this time. Revisiting and reliving, learning what's mine, and discarding the rest. There's a lot to discard. There's a lot to burn in the incinerator. I am less worried about overdoing it. While I'd like to have bar or metric that I can look at to gage where I am and if I ought be concerned, such a bar doesn't exist in the way I want it to. It's an internal meter that I have to pay attention to on my own and by way of reflections of my peers and by way of my own recognition of my own coherence. That being said, something I wrote in my little black journal that I take everywhere, "you're not doing too much DMT until you're doing too much DMT. Wait for if and when, but more if, that ever happens." Everytime I feel a want and doubt myself and don't enter, even a little, and everytime I don't answer the call, are signs of not being centered in self, aligned, and trusting. Plethora of beauty in the work, each and every time, when aligned, how could I turn away my eye.
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My DMTx experience will be this upcoming Saturday.
I am nervous. A needle in my arm with a stream of DMT moving through it, into my vein and throughout my body. But as I sit here, writing this now, I am going to go in with no pressure, and just hoping for healing. While I have goals and intents around sovereignty, my sense of self, how to best serve the world, deepening my experiences, deepening my bond with space, I plan to approach it with openness, surrender, and gratitude. I go as far as I go, I stay in as long as I stay in. I am not putting any plans around it anymore.
What if I approach vaping in a similar way. Above, I am removing the pressure. But there is so much pressure when I am alone. What if I load the vape intuitively and just take the hits I need as I need them, and put it down after, instead of weighing and preparing a dose intending to finish it?
One love
I am nervous. A needle in my arm with a stream of DMT moving through it, into my vein and throughout my body. But as I sit here, writing this now, I am going to go in with no pressure, and just hoping for healing. While I have goals and intents around sovereignty, my sense of self, how to best serve the world, deepening my experiences, deepening my bond with space, I plan to approach it with openness, surrender, and gratitude. I go as far as I go, I stay in as long as I stay in. I am not putting any plans around it anymore.
What if I approach vaping in a similar way. Above, I am removing the pressure. But there is so much pressure when I am alone. What if I load the vape intuitively and just take the hits I need as I need them, and put it down after, instead of weighing and preparing a dose intending to finish it?
One love
I think that's a great way to approach it, not having a goal but seeing where the night takes you instead of having the buildup throughout the days or weeks before.
I tend to forget about myself and my own agency, unfortunately. A work in progress. May I just put some in and take some puffs...
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
One love
I still plan to share a more detailed report, but that won't come down the pipe for a bit longer as I am still distilling the experience, am pretty tired pretty often, and am also pretty busy.
However, there is something I would like to share relative to my claimed fear in juxtaposition to my doubt around my low dosing over the past many years.
My DMTx experience was never vividly visual. The space seemed to be playing with me, allowing them to become more pronounced only to turn down the acuity a short time later, almost as though there were other things, particularly in myself, to pay attention to.
It was a medicine experience far more than it was a journey into hyperspace. While I know I need healing, I didn’t know how much I needed this. I am the type to only satisfy my needs minimally and that curbs my healing overall.
My low dosing has been two pronged in it's effects. On the one hand, it puts me with myself more than any distraction, but two it's a reflection of self-doubt. The fear is self-doubt.
I am still going to stay fasted from the medicine for another week or so, but am looking forward to getting back to wherever I go.
And a good morning. I guess I ought to get up soon.
One love
However, there is something I would like to share relative to my claimed fear in juxtaposition to my doubt around my low dosing over the past many years.
My DMTx experience was never vividly visual. The space seemed to be playing with me, allowing them to become more pronounced only to turn down the acuity a short time later, almost as though there were other things, particularly in myself, to pay attention to.
It was a medicine experience far more than it was a journey into hyperspace. While I know I need healing, I didn’t know how much I needed this. I am the type to only satisfy my needs minimally and that curbs my healing overall.
My low dosing has been two pronged in it's effects. On the one hand, it puts me with myself more than any distraction, but two it's a reflection of self-doubt. The fear is self-doubt.
I am still going to stay fasted from the medicine for another week or so, but am looking forward to getting back to wherever I go.
And a good morning. I guess I ought to get up soon.
One love
conscious_wonderer
Esteemed member
Happy to hear from ya
Something that seems to be sort of automatic, part of the process, for most people is generating confidence from past success.
I don't. I rarely have. It's developmental. It's why my body is broken. Successfully deadlift xlbs? Was it a fluke? I don't know, so do it again.
DMT is no different. Changa is no different.
While I am skeptical, with certain things I do subconsciously seek certainty. It's programmed. I've sought a certainty in order to align with a confidence. But the proper reframe isn't about a certainty, but about an acknowledgment of a breadth of capacity. That's a valuable lesson.
One love
I don't. I rarely have. It's developmental. It's why my body is broken. Successfully deadlift xlbs? Was it a fluke? I don't know, so do it again.
DMT is no different. Changa is no different.
While I am skeptical, with certain things I do subconsciously seek certainty. It's programmed. I've sought a certainty in order to align with a confidence. But the proper reframe isn't about a certainty, but about an acknowledgment of a breadth of capacity. That's a valuable lesson.
One love
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