Why DMT Scares Me

[TransistorBass]

Cool, All Free-bases covered then.
So when's D-mt-Day?
Bon Voyage....

 

[Voidmatrix]

Cool, All Free-bases covered then.
So when's D-mt-Day?
Bon Voyage....

It might be next weekend... I won't know until maybe Wednesday if not the day of.



One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Had a funny talk with my boss yesterday. After being informed about my new roles and duties, we talked about my potential for DMTx. While simply revisiting preparing for such an event, he mentions to probably not smoalk the day before...

One love

 

[yatyas314]

I am excited to read about the experience, Safe travels @Voidmatrix .
Y

 

[Voidmatrix]

There were unfortunately some hiccups picking up medicine so the foray is on hold. Will keep everyone posted.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Alrighty, so it's looking like late February/ early March is when I'll get to go. So much busyness at the center until then.

One love

 

[fink]

And now, you enter the phase that shall be known henceforth as.... The Great Waiting

 

[Voidmatrix]

It's the self doubt the curtails and stifles my liberation. While I am the one self doubting, it ain't my self doubt. Shedding what's not mine, cyclically, burning and peeling layers away. The more it is acknowledged, the moar it is assuaged. Aligned and accessing my sovereignty and agency, I am pushing the periphery of comfort with my own choice.

I'm smoalking later!

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Hmm, another permutation that explores this fear.

Given that I had complex ptsd before doing DMT, that means I brought a traumatized and hypervigiliant nervous system into the space. I was predisposed to a trauma response. It put me on a pedestal the first time, which I am not cool with, and subsequently went back two more times. And now I am where I am. And that's okay.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

A lot has transformed throughout all this time. Revisiting and reliving, learning what's mine, and discarding the rest. There's a lot to discard. There's a lot to burn in the incinerator. I am less worried about overdoing it. While I'd like to have bar or metric that I can look at to gage where I am and if I ought be concerned, such a bar doesn't exist in the way I want it to. It's an internal meter that I have to pay attention to on my own and by way of reflections of my peers and by way of my own recognition of my own coherence. That being said, something I wrote in my little black journal that I take everywhere, "you're not doing too much DMT until you're doing too much DMT. Wait for if and when, but more if, that ever happens." Everytime I feel a want and doubt myself and don't enter, even a little, and everytime I don't answer the call, are signs of not being centered in self, aligned, and trusting. Plethora of beauty in the work, each and every time, when aligned, how could I turn away my eye.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

My DMTx experience will be this upcoming Saturday.

I am nervous. A needle in my arm with a stream of DMT moving through it, into my vein and throughout my body. But as I sit here, writing this now, I am going to go in with no pressure, and just hoping for healing. While I have goals and intents around sovereignty, my sense of self, how to best serve the world, deepening my experiences, deepening my bond with space, I plan to approach it with openness, surrender, and gratitude. I go as far as I go, I stay in as long as I stay in. I am not putting any plans around it anymore.

What if I approach vaping in a similar way. Above, I am removing the pressure. But there is so much pressure when I am alone. What if I load the vape intuitively and just take the hits I need as I need them, and put it down after, instead of weighing and preparing a dose intending to finish it?

One love