I've put it in a basket somewhere for another time, I have a short backlog of reading material at the moment which I mean to get through first. Thanks
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Why DMT Scares Me
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
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- dmt
I wish I could share this class video I am in with you where my boss guides me. It's a psychedelic cannabis breathwork session and I shake the whole time. Really hard.
My only point is you don't have to worry or fear it. It's part of a medicine experience. It's what healing can look like.
One love
My only point is you don't have to worry or fear it. It's part of a medicine experience. It's what healing can look like.
One love
I'm not knowingly fearing it as far as I can tell, it feels more of an inconvenience that happens before I can get to the main event. I have been letting it happen for the simple fact that it seems to need to. I think I've been experimenting with DMT since October last year, and this is something that has slowly developed, and honestly during that time my personal apprehension towards a session has eased off loads.
I've so far only had one big tearful moment where I found myself deeply saddened for the aggressor in a certain war and I let that wet-face moment play out as I thought it must be there for a reason.
*Keeps shaking his Booty, but when I say booty I mainly mean my legs with the rest of me following along*
I've so far only had one big tearful moment where I found myself deeply saddened for the aggressor in a certain war and I let that wet-face moment play out as I thought it must be there for a reason.
*Keeps shaking his Booty, but when I say booty I mainly mean my legs with the rest of me following along*
Not proud but also not shy about my session tonight. I had some family issues at the house and I ended up going outside and really just went looking for god. I went for 4 hours beating my chest and getting closer to my true self. Now my head hurts and its 3 am and I dont feel tired I feel mentally drained but not ready for bed. changa then freebase, GVG then CYLO and that was on repeat. still parachuting back in, more to come.
Y
Getting a light snack on board and reading my Bhagavad Gita.
Y
Getting a light snack on board and reading my Bhagavad Gita.
I have something to share regarding this topic, but I am not sure what it is or how to say it. This reflects an ongoing issue with brainfog, that while I can mitigate and ameliorate some, it still compounds over time and makes my expression feel messy.
Someone gave me advice to "soften" around my medicine sessions and experience. This stands out to me because "hardness" and/or "toughness" and important qualities for me to hold onto. Bearing in mind my mental health struggles, I see the world in a hostile way generally and fundamentally at the unconscious and subconscious levels (abusive childhood, bullied, and my general wide awareness of the world inform this sense and view). I work with my conscious mind to shift the status quo of these lower levels that inform the upper level of my conscious mind. That said, and as many of you are aware, I am a very anxious person.
Softening around myself and my experiences is foreign to me because I feel that that's not allowed for me (though it is). More specifically, it's not allowed from me to me... It's an overpreparation for what I fear and expect from the world predicated on past experience and circumstance.
This mandate for hardness and toughness has been a limiting factor of my progress and journey. It plainly reflects and perpetuates an affect and stance that leads me to continue to be hard on myself. I often have higher expectations on myself relative to what I feel, how intensely I feel it, and how I operate relative to it. With DMT, my anxiety spikes hard, and I already have anxiety disorders, but because it's that much harder to do things in spite of my anxiety, there is some judgment placed upon me. That judgment is unreasonable and unnecessary.
Where is the grace? Where is the understanding for myself? I have tried so hard to provide it to others... what about me...?
What happens to also be on my mind, linked to all of this is:
My question to myself is how do I shift this?
Regarding my flagellating "hardness" (we have to bear in mind, while these traits are preferred, I don't feel "tough" or "hard" and don't see myself in these ways, but quite the contrary), it's not that reflections of such can't be seen. I am scared of this medicine and keep doing it afterall. But softening has proved to be beneficial. I take my time with intaking the medicine, going as far as I feel comfortable in the moment, and have withdrawn the need to finish every dose. Paradoxically, I have been finishing most of the doses. There are hypothetical conversations in my mind where I feel I have to explain and justify why it's hard for me to someone else who it isn't hard for. "What's wrong with you?" "It's not that hard." "Stop being a baby and just do it." I really don't know how to engage people that think it such simple Simon ways (without becoming indignant and pointed...maybe I should let this out...), but I feel like it's out there in the world and I have to engage it. Deeper, I need to give a shit more what my well-honed, incisive, and discerning mind feels and thinks, and not the simple Simons that I mention (through awareness, I concede in so many instances that I might be wrong or limited). Obviously, I have been negatively impacted in a way that makes this a algorithm and parameter of my mind. The DMT and changa vapors help me to cleanse it away.
One love
Someone gave me advice to "soften" around my medicine sessions and experience. This stands out to me because "hardness" and/or "toughness" and important qualities for me to hold onto. Bearing in mind my mental health struggles, I see the world in a hostile way generally and fundamentally at the unconscious and subconscious levels (abusive childhood, bullied, and my general wide awareness of the world inform this sense and view). I work with my conscious mind to shift the status quo of these lower levels that inform the upper level of my conscious mind. That said, and as many of you are aware, I am a very anxious person.
Softening around myself and my experiences is foreign to me because I feel that that's not allowed for me (though it is). More specifically, it's not allowed from me to me... It's an overpreparation for what I fear and expect from the world predicated on past experience and circumstance.
This mandate for hardness and toughness has been a limiting factor of my progress and journey. It plainly reflects and perpetuates an affect and stance that leads me to continue to be hard on myself. I often have higher expectations on myself relative to what I feel, how intensely I feel it, and how I operate relative to it. With DMT, my anxiety spikes hard, and I already have anxiety disorders, but because it's that much harder to do things in spite of my anxiety, there is some judgment placed upon me. That judgment is unreasonable and unnecessary.
Where is the grace? Where is the understanding for myself? I have tried so hard to provide it to others... what about me...?
What happens to also be on my mind, linked to all of this is:
Like WTF, Void?!?! You want long experiences like this... so why don't you? Why have intimately long sessions with yourself not been more of a priority? Habits of conditioning and worry, worries that make no sense, but are created and gripped by my anxiety. While I feel I have a lot to do (which is also just anxiety) and feel I have to be responsible, those aren't reasons anymore, but instead excuses. I let the my judgment of my natural response to the consideration of partaking in this medicine curb my approach and attempt and duration.
My question to myself is how do I shift this?
Regarding my flagellating "hardness" (we have to bear in mind, while these traits are preferred, I don't feel "tough" or "hard" and don't see myself in these ways, but quite the contrary), it's not that reflections of such can't be seen. I am scared of this medicine and keep doing it afterall. But softening has proved to be beneficial. I take my time with intaking the medicine, going as far as I feel comfortable in the moment, and have withdrawn the need to finish every dose. Paradoxically, I have been finishing most of the doses. There are hypothetical conversations in my mind where I feel I have to explain and justify why it's hard for me to someone else who it isn't hard for. "What's wrong with you?" "It's not that hard." "Stop being a baby and just do it." I really don't know how to engage people that think it such simple Simon ways (without becoming indignant and pointed...maybe I should let this out...), but I feel like it's out there in the world and I have to engage it. Deeper, I need to give a shit more what my well-honed, incisive, and discerning mind feels and thinks, and not the simple Simons that I mention (through awareness, I concede in so many instances that I might be wrong or limited). Obviously, I have been negatively impacted in a way that makes this a algorithm and parameter of my mind. The DMT and changa vapors help me to cleanse it away.
One love
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