I'm a complex being with many psychological issues. For years, I tried to find meaning in psychedelics or wisdom traditions. Looking back, it was just a coping mechanism to reach sanity and a life that could be lived. Only troubled souls start to honestly question themselves or the world. When life is good, I simply do not care. In Eastern traditions, they praise suffering because it leads you away from your identity toward the unknown. Most of my deep dives into philosophy were attempts to integrate what I saw in my sessions. Some minds are not creative enough to express it through art and seek meaning another way. Honestly, most of us need conventional psychotherapy instead of spirituality. A spiritual quest is not about yourself, but what makes yourself possible. It points at the underlying reality of this world. I'd not separate a true quest for wisdom and spirituality. They are one and the same. Without bhakti (love), there is no jnana (wisdom), and vice versa. Tibetans say that a bird needs two wings to fly (compassion and wisdom).
What am I trying to say here? I do not know, as always. It is just one more outpouring from a troubled mind. I'd say all the paths and philosophies are fake, because the one treading them is fake. When you see beyond the illusion of self, it all magically becomes authentic and real, even if the path is new, unorthodox, and of your own creation. "Go where there is no path and leave no trail," as Ken McLeod writes in one of his books. We go into the unknown and, through the process, lose ourselves in what is. There is no path left - only the direction where we went. And it is the same direction for everyone, even if paths are different. Some try to make themselves a better human being, others surrender to Ram or Allah, and a few decipher what the mind is and dissolve in the process. So what is the direction then? We know nothing about the direction, because it is outside ourselves. The unknown mystery of life is the direction, and we simply have a gut feeling about it. Something inside drives us to see beyond, but there is no real conceptual underpinning. If we put a name or form on it, it is just a pointer. Only letting it all be and listening leads anywhere. In the end, there is no one who goes and nowhere to go.
How do you find meaning in a meaningless life? I think every identity creates its own meaning, but there is no meaning beyond it. Reality just is. It is already everything and you are it, so any notion of meaning is transcended. People would consider you a good and moral human being, but from your perspective, there is only love. Some days I can almost touch it, and others I am just wallowing in my own misery. Ego is an energetic tightness, like a knot. When it gets somewhat loose, love and ease just flow, seemingly from nowhere. For me, it points to the fact that our original nature is already complete. Any attempt to reach a good life is just one more resistance to it. Life is, and when you are living from that reference point, all questions drop. Medicine is quite similar that way - when you let it flow, no matter what you experience, it rebalances itself and leads to an organic outcome. There is no need for any real direction from you. I am not saying it is easy to hold such a perspective, but it is a possibility.
Some days my mind feels sane and healthy, but then it all crumbles and I am fighting for my life. My gut feeling is to let it all burn, yet I am not mature enough to leave it to its own devices. Somehow that idea that I need to govern it sits deep, and I fight. Recently, it became apparent that the fight itself leaves me stuck. Then comes a medicine session with a simple message to relax. Relax your grip man, open your hand, and let it flow. Sanity is not simple, especially when we struggle to get it. It is like holding water in your hand - the more you struggle, the less remains. What to do then? You do not need to do anything, yet that answer is unsatisfactory. So I am battling against myself once again. My enemy is me, my friend is me, the stage is me. Yeah, maybe it is time to get that welfare money for disability? I am not able to be myself because I try too much.
Any mad thoughts to keep mine company?
What am I trying to say here? I do not know, as always. It is just one more outpouring from a troubled mind. I'd say all the paths and philosophies are fake, because the one treading them is fake. When you see beyond the illusion of self, it all magically becomes authentic and real, even if the path is new, unorthodox, and of your own creation. "Go where there is no path and leave no trail," as Ken McLeod writes in one of his books. We go into the unknown and, through the process, lose ourselves in what is. There is no path left - only the direction where we went. And it is the same direction for everyone, even if paths are different. Some try to make themselves a better human being, others surrender to Ram or Allah, and a few decipher what the mind is and dissolve in the process. So what is the direction then? We know nothing about the direction, because it is outside ourselves. The unknown mystery of life is the direction, and we simply have a gut feeling about it. Something inside drives us to see beyond, but there is no real conceptual underpinning. If we put a name or form on it, it is just a pointer. Only letting it all be and listening leads anywhere. In the end, there is no one who goes and nowhere to go.
How do you find meaning in a meaningless life? I think every identity creates its own meaning, but there is no meaning beyond it. Reality just is. It is already everything and you are it, so any notion of meaning is transcended. People would consider you a good and moral human being, but from your perspective, there is only love. Some days I can almost touch it, and others I am just wallowing in my own misery. Ego is an energetic tightness, like a knot. When it gets somewhat loose, love and ease just flow, seemingly from nowhere. For me, it points to the fact that our original nature is already complete. Any attempt to reach a good life is just one more resistance to it. Life is, and when you are living from that reference point, all questions drop. Medicine is quite similar that way - when you let it flow, no matter what you experience, it rebalances itself and leads to an organic outcome. There is no need for any real direction from you. I am not saying it is easy to hold such a perspective, but it is a possibility.
Some days my mind feels sane and healthy, but then it all crumbles and I am fighting for my life. My gut feeling is to let it all burn, yet I am not mature enough to leave it to its own devices. Somehow that idea that I need to govern it sits deep, and I fight. Recently, it became apparent that the fight itself leaves me stuck. Then comes a medicine session with a simple message to relax. Relax your grip man, open your hand, and let it flow. Sanity is not simple, especially when we struggle to get it. It is like holding water in your hand - the more you struggle, the less remains. What to do then? You do not need to do anything, yet that answer is unsatisfactory. So I am battling against myself once again. My enemy is me, my friend is me, the stage is me. Yeah, maybe it is time to get that welfare money for disability? I am not able to be myself because I try too much.
Any mad thoughts to keep mine company?
. 
ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـ
