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Deep in the Abyss

L

LuxObscura

Titanium Teammate
If my inevitable, inescapable, unavoidable, ever-repeating failure is a necessity for the world to become a slightly better place,
and if I must resist it with all my strength, even if it breaks me, then so be it.
I will not bow just to support a defective system that merely pretends to be benevolent.
All the hate and envy.
It is absurd that one doesn’t fit in simply because one refuses to hate and therefore does not hate.
Must one truly hate, like everyone else, in order not to be hated and envied oneself?
 
LuxObscura said:
If my inevitable, inescapable, unavoidable, ever-repeating failure is a necessity for the world to become a slightly better place,
and if I must resist it with all my strength, even if it breaks me, then so be it.
I will not bow just to support a defective system that merely pretends to be benevolent.
All the hate and envy.
It is absurd that one doesn’t fit in simply because one refuses to hate and therefore does not hate.
Must one truly hate, like everyone else, in order not to be hated and envied oneself?
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The answer is always love, no matter what anyone says. It just feels so right inside and is the only choice that provides inner balance.
Why adapt to a sick culture, when you can play your role and be true to yourself inside?
Strength of character will always be met with resistance, but that resistance only sharpens it even more. Being at peace with yourself is a higher necessity than social conformity.
Many people make the mistake of trying to change the world, when you just need to find your place in it. However, that place may not even be a social one.
I'd say, be hated! Let them hate you to the bone. You just love them back instead. It may be difficult at first, but it is the best way forward for a healthy psyche to form.
Hate is constriction & tightness, while love is total openness to the world and all it contains. Just open all the doors and dance; no one really dies here. Why be afraid, then?
❤️
 
I hear you Lux. Wont it be such a great achievement, to reach the finish line without succumbing to playing their game? Even if hated by many, who cares?

At this stage in my life, I would be throwing away so many years of stubborn refusal if I joined the game now.

No! Stay strong, reach the finish line on your own terms. Being hated is easier. It frees us from any responsibility. If the whole world loved us our lives would be a constant battle not to destroy that illusion.
 
Thank you very much.

I think I understand what you mean.
People probably see me as strong, simply because I follow my own path, but in truth, I feel very weak.
Weak because I lack the energy to act like everyone else just to fit into a broken picture.
They perceive me as strong because following one’s own line would require effort on their part, but for me, there’s no other option.

While they envy and hate, I long ago made a personal rule not to act that way, because I had to learn firsthand what it feels like.
And even as I struggle under the hate and envy of others, I am already suffocating on my own.

Some people wish they had certain qualities in others.
They’re willing to go to great lengths, even act destructively, just to feel better about themselves,
because they realize some things can only be gained through experience, and they’re unwilling to pay that price.
Meanwhile, as I sink in quicksand, they pour more on top.

In every system I’ve been in, love has been met only with hate.
I don’t give up, but not because I see an easy path forward.
You give everything you have, and all you get in return is hate.
How onesided and bitterly unfair that is.
 
If I may be so bold, perhaps what you feel as weakness is actually exhaustion? It takes everything we have to stay on our own path. Swimming against the flow of the river.

Through this great effort you are indeed strong as people perceive, but also intensely tired.

Swim sideways for a bit and rest on the river bank. Watch them flowing further downstream. While you are there, look for another soul resting on the bank.

That is the person who will not punish you for your love.
 
LuxObscura said:
In every system I’ve been in, love has been met only with hate.
I don’t give up, but not because I see an easy path forward.
You give everything you have, and all you get in return is hate.
How onesided and bitterly unfair that is.
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That is mostly my experience, too. Maybe not necessarily hate, but indifference for sure. I cannot operate on that level, though.
Some people receive from me a reflection of what they put in, but mostly I just do not engage at all. It led to me becoming quite a recluse and lonely person.
I feel this society is very sick, and we are on the verge of collapse or transition. Most people are just children in adult bodies, who never cared to develop themselves.
Capitalism does not need an aware, thinking adult, either. It requires cogs for the system to continue the same doomed cycle. What to do? I have no answer.
I try to be fully human, connect to reality beyond culture, embrace nature, and the mystery of existence. In an open space of awareness, this whole play loses its weight, and I can breathe a bit. Nowadays, I see that I have very little say in where my life goes. The higher order takes precedence, but I still lack the strength to fully accept it and surrender.
 
I have found little hate in the cultures I have lived in. Maybe I'm good at avoiding specific demographics.

What I see is contempt for love and kindness. Its seems that most people react positively to love and kindness if they have known me for a longer period.

But for strangers it's 50-50. Particularly in a new environment, a new work place is a great example. Here some people will start with a contemptuous reaction to openness and positive engagement.

I think it's usually a defence mechanism in human society. To be suspicious of someone new that doesn't behave normally.

If the new environment continues for a number of years, vast majority of people seem to return the kindness in their own way. Once they know you are genuine.

It's all because one dude once decided he could smile and behave loving to screw people over. Now everyone has to have a gaurd up.
 
northape said:
I'm kind of afraid to ask what dmt helps with 🫣
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Why afraid?
Maybe it is different for everyone or depends on the situation?
Maybe it helps with all of them at the same time, but not always the same way?
Maybe it sometimes tears open an abyss expressing beauty and misery at once?

How does dmt help you with?
Or how is your experience with the substance regarding this aspects?
 
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