Difficult experiences?

[Al-Wasi]

So generally when I hear people discuss there difficult, or as some prefer to call them , bad trips I find it generally has to do with people saying they were forced to confront and deal with old issues , tramuas, or things about themselves they disklike or aren't ready to deal with. Another thing I read a lot is people having to face all the bad behavior or things they've done in their lives.

I'm wondering if I can get a discussion started here for people to post what there difficult trips detailed as I've found none of the above things to be true for myself. The few difficult trips I've had in my life always centered around the same thing. I always felt a presence that was mocking me and getting off on its ability to Invoke terror in me and to make me feel as ii f I was losing my mind.

This presence was generallyIn the form of just a felt presence or faces looming demonic menacing etc. At times I often felt I had broke my brain and that'd I'd never come back to normal reality .

Although I have heard others describe there difficult trips in a similar manner as my experience s I find much more often I read of people having to deal with issues, events , etc from the past or things about themselves.

I'm hoping through this thread we can get a good idea of what is most common.

If you could relate your experiences by starting off by mentioning what substance you took and at what dose that would be great.

My experience I spoke of was on one tab of lsd, unsure of dose, assuming around 150-200ug. That was the one and only true difficult trip I've ever had. I've had a few others on lsd as well were I felt I was going to go back into that same head space but never did and learned to just accept it and it prevented it from being truly difficult.

I can say that one lsd experience has left a mark upon all my future psychedelic use. I've been more cautious and respectful since. And oddly enough my relationship with cannabis has ceased I think due to this trip. Although I didn't immediately stop using cannabis after that trip I've noticed that since I began using psychedelics I started to dislike the effects of cannabis more and more until I just stopped using it.

Mind you this was almost 20 years ago and I always regret using cannabis when I do no matter how long it's been. I digress though.

I'd love to hear your experiences.

 

[Jees]

Sorry I don't share mine immediately as you ask, but something just came to my attention about your statement:

So generally when I hear people discuss there difficult, or as some prefer to call them , bad trips I find it generally has to do with people saying they were forced to confront and deal with old issues , tramuas, or things about themselves they disklike or aren't ready to deal with. Another thing I read a lot is people having to face all the bad behavior or things they've done in their lives.

I'm wondering if I can get a discussion started here for people to post what there difficult trips detailed as I've found none of the above things to be true for myself. The few difficult trips I've had in my life always centered around the same thing. I always felt a presence that was mocking me and getting off on its ability to Invoke terror in me and to make me feel as ii f I was losing my mind...

Why could "being mocked" and "terror-like played with" not be a very well covered up trauma? I don't say a trauma that has been brought upon you necessarily by others or life events. It could as well be brought upon you, by yourself, by fear of such event, and the experience making it addressable. Like the manifestation of a traumatic size of fear. I do not consider myself free of such possibility.

This kind of trauma is possibly not one of the past reflecting in the now-experience, but possible a trauma of fear that lives today actually. Maybe therefore the word trauma is not the best choice. However to call it, my main point is: that it comes from within, here and now, and gets blasted in the face. No need for a past event or a sentient entity with bad behavior.

Just probing possibilities, that's all.

 

[Al-Wasi]

Yea while I see what you mean I never thought of anything like that. And as I said in original lost I mostly hear of people dealing with things there not ready for havejnf to face there bad behavior etc and this is what makes it a difficult trio to them.

The only sunstance that had caused me to deal with such thing is mdma , though in no way was it negative or difficult , and cannabis.

As far as psychedelcs go both dmt and lsd have brought about this seeming presence that is mocking me tryig to mess with my mind and instill fear upon me. To me that is the only type of bad trip I've had and I see no way in which it can be beneficial. As they say often difficult truos are the most beneficial. And while this trip was beneficial, highly, only as it allowed me to perceive reality in a new way.

I don't see any lessons learned other then respecting these drugs. In no way do I see it as a way to overcome anything from my past or daily life.

However I'd like to know what did any of your difficult trips entail

 

[double_peter]

Hmm....I can't say I've ever (knock on wood) had a "bad trip".

I've yet to experience DMT, but have plenty of experience with LSD, mescaline, fungus and MDMA in both small and large doses.

I've had anxiety on the come up and I've had to look at parts of myself and my past I didn't like, and they would make me sad or I would feel regret, but it always felt like I was being shown things about myself in a different light to give me a better and deeper understanding of myself and my motives. Often times, especially on MDMA, when looking at myself or my past, I was able to see these things in a strangely neutral way, as if I was really looking at another person and with very much empathy.

The harder trips didn't make for a euphoric experience, but they always felt like lessons and the trips felt worth while.

Perhaps DMT would change that, I don't know, but I hope to find out in the near future.

I tried nutmeg once and that was a nightmare, but that was mostly physical, the waking dreams I experienced were very pleasant and interesting and not really related to me or my past. It was the physical part that was so tough. I felt awful for many days afterward.

 

[Jees]

...However I'd like to know what did any of your difficult trips entail

To keep it short I'll not detail about how my hardships look like, but I've 2 kind of them that tend to return sometimes, I believe it's the returning ones you refer at especially?

Just like you Al-Wasi, I feel it's just me and the experience, and no connection to trauma and stuff.

I lack the questionable luxury of having a real trauma to blame things on (as far I can see), this both in the plant-experiences but also in regular life when having a disturbing feeling, I can’t point to a mega excuse of the past (nor present).

Concerning this I wonder if many trauma’s are in some cases not fed and kept alive by people just for this reason, to be able to say: “It’s not me, it’s that thing I had in the past.” Yeah right, could be, but maybe not so at all!

For people with sad trauma's it might be hard to know for sure if an occurring bad time does or does not really relate to it? Could they ever have a bad time and not connect it to the trauma? And even if they doubt someone taps on their shoulder and say "Hey that's normal after what you have been trough".

Suggestion of the day: dump trauma's where they belong, in oblivion, it's a fit place for them there.

 

[tango]

My trips are always mostly physical, regardless of the dose. Some time ago, I would feel a void inside me, somewhere in the abdominal/pelvic area, and that was difficult to deal with.

Once that issue somewhat resolved itself (with time, and attention), I experienced a phase where my face would twist into strange expressions and I would go through a lot of silent screaming and downright demonic grimaces. Horror movie, no joke. However, those experiences actually felt good once i managed to let them unfold without being to disturbed by what was going on (no witnesses, thankfully).

 

[Jees]

Thanks for sharing Tango, mine are real physical ding dong too, it's quite something.
Please take some snapshots for us next time, this is serious study material you know.

 

[TimeGearingBlocks]

I can't say I've had a "bad trip" either. I guess if it were someone else experiencing what I did, that person might call it a bad trip. One weekend morning I was at home alone and had the entire day to myself. I decided to take a tab of LSD. I didn't eat anything prior to that which I probably should have done but I'm not one to eat breakfast so I ignored my own advice in this case and more than happily paid the price. The first feeling I had was nausea, of course and got this really bad taste in my mouth. Then I started shivering. The shivering was at its worse for some reason when my cat entered the room. I had this incredible rush of fear come over me when she came into the room. I knew better though because why should I be afraid of my cat :?: so I didn't worry or panic. I felt no emotional fear. Only physical. I didn't even really feel my heart racing. My nerves were most on edge and when my cat entered the room, I felt this prickly vibe about it. Suddenly the room filled with white noise and strands of black and white thin lines stretched across the room folding in on each other and crunching up like the way sound waves crunch when a high pitched noise is represented. Another good example is seismographs. The lines looked a lot like the lines on a seismograph and was surrounded by a lot of nervous tension. I couldn't stop shaking. It made me not want to pet the cat for some reason but I kept petting her anyway because something in me told me to just push through it. I could hear her purring and that was comforting. I knew I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning so I was just having a body reaction. Then after about an hour of shivering, I felt the nausea again and this time it was so strong that I just dry heaved for about 10-15 minutes. This happened several times in the course of two to three hours. The shaking finally ended about three or four hours into the trip. I became one with it. It was a part of me. I imagine if I had Parkinson's Disease, I only had to experience it for a few hours. Imagine a lifetime feeling like that. This is what I like about tripping, it forces me to experience things that I need to be more empathetic to. And it doesn't really force me. I'm really allowing it. I'm the one who decided to take LSD right? I decided to do it on an empty stomach. So I did it on my time and when I was ready and accepted any consequence of any of my choices therein. That makes it much easier to deal with mentally. After the shaking stopped I left my comfort zone (the bedroom) and went into the living room where I put on some music and danced around with my big horn sheep skull. I love listening to music when I am on any hallucinogen because it makes me feel like I'm connecting to the artists which in turn makes me feel like I am connecting to the whole universe. We are all people here. When I connect to the artists, I can connect better with my friends around me and I can connect better to myself and who I am and my being and existence. We also listen to a lot of the same kinds of music but not exactly so there is that blank space of mystery still there to be explored among friends and family and the universe.

I can certainly see how people can have "bad trips". I can see how having a heightened sense of yourself and your body can get scary. But I have to look at it this way... there are people in the world that love to upset people and hurt people and make them angry. This makes them happy to see someone else hurt. Since those people exist, I cannot deny that there is some psychological influence to that with bad trips. We are aware people want to hurt us and we believe it when we are tripping. Sure, someone may want to hurt you... but where is that person? Are they there with you on your trip? No. So they cannot hurt you. In this case, you can only hurt yourself. So my best advice for bad trips is to stay calm and look for something that you know could help you switch focus. Like with my music. If you have an object in the house that makes you feel safe, grab it and use it. It amazing how much impact it will have on your psyche when you are tripping. I've had one moment when I was tripping on mushrooms with my boyfriend where I felt emotionally cold. I hated everything and everyone and didn't want to interact with anyone or anything. I told myself in my head the moment it happened that it was the little people playing with my emotions in my head and for some reason. I felt this sense of needing to do something, things needed to be accomplished but what and I felt helpless because I couldn't come up with a solution right then and there as to how to save the world! Then I realized...this was obviously something deep down that I needed to work out. You can't just save people, some people don't want to be saved. That doesn't mean they don't need to be. I just want to work out a way to help those kinds of people and that mushroom trip really pushed that feeling so hard that it sent me into this... "I can't do it, I won't be able to, what am I here for, why am I here, I can't do it fast enough, why am I sitting here, do something!" head space. So I told myself right then and there... it's Saturday. You don't need to be anywhere... you are already doing that by helping yourself. Save yourself, set an example and you might help others want to save themselves. A solution had come to me right after that moment of reality. I was still on planet earth people! It was only a day out of the week. I had plenty of more days to figure new solutions out. Relax...It pulled me RIGHT out of my depression phase. I suddenly wanted to interact with my boyfriend soon after and we had a fun romantic time that involved absolutely no intercourse. Neither one of us wanted to. We were much more into snuggling and staring at each other. The rest of the trip we enjoyed walking around and staring at the sky and the trees on the back porch or listening to him play his guitar. That was a fun day. Anyway, so if you consider any of that a bad experience, that is how I dealt with it. Hope this can be of any help to anyone needing it.

 

[fluidfocus]

I've had a couple really dark trips on strong drugs. Once I tripped for three days on LSD (unintended) and towards the end really had to constantly battle to keep my mind focused, otherwise it could feel it start to be overrun by some really twisted visions of gore and brutality. It was quite challenging to maintain focus, calmness, control while the trip felt like it was just never going to end. I don't think I was working through any trauma per se, but definitely mentally battling something very dark.

There's been one similar experience when combining a bunch of different psychedelics and tripping super hard. Walking through a crowded campsite in the darkness I could start to sense this really dark energy in my periphery. Like, if I chose to focus on it or let it take over it could result in some dark and murderous type stuff. I was fully in control, but I could sense it there.

I've also had some strong LSD experiences that had really ominous undertones. People seemed evil, selfish, debased.

Definitely those types of experiences are the extreme exception though. Beyond that, I had an incredibly powerful DMT trip which blew my world right the fuck open and years later I'm still not really over it. I don't know if it was bad. Definitely it was very unenjoyable at the time. In retrospect though I think I am grateful for the experience.