Hey guys, I'm going to attempt to recall my experience this past week with this ludicrous molecule dmt. I'm looking for other perspectives as I am unable to integrate anything from my first breakthrough dose.
Let's start off with my first encounter on the 29th Nov. This is the day I finshed reading C.G Jung's autobiography book where his last chapter touched upon the subject of the unknowable infinite unconscious, the ego, and the waking reality. I dosed 30mg outside in my backyard during day time whilst sitting on a chair. The weather was a perfect day for the beach with the nice open sun and breeze. I felt a clean vibrant euphoria which lasted around 2 minutes after exhaling. Opened eye visuals were the typically described geometric fractals and the plants and sky were literally brimming with white light. When I closed my eyes, the visuals consisted of black and white zebra type hatching patterns and came at me from weird angles. Needless to say it was a new realm of experience but ultimately it felt underwhelming as I expected to be 'changed' or feel different, nor did I encounter any machine elves. This was a great indulgence in to the psyche world but nothing game changing occurred to me nor my mentality which I guess was what I was chasing. Retrospectively, my sandwhich method was way off as I did not cherry the blend slowly but instead just blazed the come without letting go of the flame, most likely wasting a lot of the dmt.
So after a couple of days of life and routine, I decided re-dose again yesterday. This time I configured The Machine after some quick shopping and loaded ~70mg. I was on my chair in my room in darkness along with a candle lit burning softly as my only source of light. I turned off my chill hip-hop beats as people do recall doing it in silence, thereafter I couraged up and decided it was time to abolish myself and pulled slowly on the straw. As I hit my second count my reality rapidly deteriorated and all I could think of was 'well then fuck here we go'. Then came the thought of what TMcKenna says in his DMT explanation video, as well as the PsychedSubstances youtube video and another guys tutorial on remembering not to stop now but to take that 3rd and final hit, and so I did.
My memory after here is somewhat fuzzy, immediately after breathing out the plasticy smoke my body started convulsing and I was having a pretty intense body reaction. I could not lie in peace on my chair and decided I needed to hit the bed in front of me which was one step away (half a meter?). This was the most harrowing and frightening step I have ever taken, I remember how much of an effort and drag it was to plunge myself in to the bed believing I would be okay after I lie flat down. My only thought was 'get to the f****** bed, just get to the f****** bed now and everything will be okay'. (Apologies for language) But I was wrong. After securing my spot on my bed I remember trying to calm myself down and grasping on to the bed sheets on the side with my arms. I was hyperventilating and performed deep breathing techniques and tried to 'let go'. My head was flooded with unintelligible flashing psychedelic images accompanied by a very uncomfortable back and forth sharp eery electric static like noise which seemed to last forever. I could not tell whether my eyes were opened or closed, both views were identical and equally overwhelming. My first thought was, 'I want this experience to end, this is insanity'. I began to question what I was doing, am I ever going to return to normal? Am I going to OD here? Why did I embark on this journey again? Simultaneously as these thoughts occured, my intelligible self jumped to my info bank reserve and I dug up some crucial facts, that my source was a trustworthy smart person and that it is impossible to OD on dmt, and that it will be over in 15 minutes and that I would regain myself again. After this point I accepted that I would have to suck it up and just live through the rest of this queasy experience.
The intense hallucinations eventually died down and I was able to familiarise myself with my room again, I assumed 5-10 minutes or so would have passed but I am not sure. I stared at my lilo and stitch + mickey mouse toys across the room and they were giving me a funny devilish look in the dark golden hue of the candle light. I sat up in cross legged position and my body felt unlike mine, and as sarte says I felt like I was confronting an alien reality. I was able to get up and decided to play some ambient music thinking that it'd change the trip in to a positive one. So I chucked on some Bob Marley and instead of marley's voice permeating the room and changing the setting as it does on a LSD/Shroom trip. My mind instead warped the song in to what I can only describe as an artificial robotic unorganised sporadic tune. Interestingly enough I found this fascinating and was quite shocked at what had happened, never in my life have I heard 'music' like this. This definitely was not a human sort of sound and I came to the conclusion that even music is a human construction. As the dmt wore off, I was able to regain my self by dancing (this is usually how I anchor myself) and focusing on the beat. And like that my experience eventually came to an end. I was glad I was back and told my self I'd never do that high a dose for a while. I'll take it step by step this time until I feel comfortable enough to get that high again.
After a hour of googling and reading others reports later I went on again to toke on 20mg (after the tolerance is due to reset). This time I had the lights on and music playing before hand. My trip was vastly different from the previous one and can be explained in this thread Cartoon world - First steps in Hyperspace - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus. This sentence describes it perfectly 'Pastel clay shifting carved plastic ancient futuristic cartoony weird alien super pink skin pointy ears in a different octave of reality...'. Everything seemed legoish like I had just been transported in to a lego world. There were no curves in sight, everything was drawn in sharp perfect plastic rectangular shapes and colours were very vibrant and cartoonish. Again, the music warped in to something alien. This time I had nujabes playing in the background and the dimmy consciousness turned it in to some random unharmonistic melody which did not appeal to my ears but again was some what intriguing. I also despised the taste of the dmt so I ventured in to the kitchen to drink some fruit juice and the instant it hit my stomach my world and senses lit up. From there on it was smooth sailing and the trip ended controllably and nicely.
So there describes my 3 trips. I am having trouble understanding what happened on my 70mg toke. I didn't get any revelations or introspective thoughts as I have heard, no elves or extraterrestrials were there to teach me or show me the way. It was just me ghasting for life momentarily, rationalising to myself that I would be okay, then just sticking through the thick. I'm postulating that perhaps I did not manage to let go of my self/ego properly? I am utterly confused as to what I got out of that experience. I feel the exact same, think the exact same, I am the same person as I was before, except now I am aware of the fact of this whole entire universe which seems independent of ours.
At the moment, my plan of attack is to finish of the residue in the machine the intention of utilising the state to dance. I guesstimate that there's some 2-10mg left of residue in there?
Overall I'm left confused. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Thanks for reading.
Let's start off with my first encounter on the 29th Nov. This is the day I finshed reading C.G Jung's autobiography book where his last chapter touched upon the subject of the unknowable infinite unconscious, the ego, and the waking reality. I dosed 30mg outside in my backyard during day time whilst sitting on a chair. The weather was a perfect day for the beach with the nice open sun and breeze. I felt a clean vibrant euphoria which lasted around 2 minutes after exhaling. Opened eye visuals were the typically described geometric fractals and the plants and sky were literally brimming with white light. When I closed my eyes, the visuals consisted of black and white zebra type hatching patterns and came at me from weird angles. Needless to say it was a new realm of experience but ultimately it felt underwhelming as I expected to be 'changed' or feel different, nor did I encounter any machine elves. This was a great indulgence in to the psyche world but nothing game changing occurred to me nor my mentality which I guess was what I was chasing. Retrospectively, my sandwhich method was way off as I did not cherry the blend slowly but instead just blazed the come without letting go of the flame, most likely wasting a lot of the dmt.
So after a couple of days of life and routine, I decided re-dose again yesterday. This time I configured The Machine after some quick shopping and loaded ~70mg. I was on my chair in my room in darkness along with a candle lit burning softly as my only source of light. I turned off my chill hip-hop beats as people do recall doing it in silence, thereafter I couraged up and decided it was time to abolish myself and pulled slowly on the straw. As I hit my second count my reality rapidly deteriorated and all I could think of was 'well then fuck here we go'. Then came the thought of what TMcKenna says in his DMT explanation video, as well as the PsychedSubstances youtube video and another guys tutorial on remembering not to stop now but to take that 3rd and final hit, and so I did.
My memory after here is somewhat fuzzy, immediately after breathing out the plasticy smoke my body started convulsing and I was having a pretty intense body reaction. I could not lie in peace on my chair and decided I needed to hit the bed in front of me which was one step away (half a meter?). This was the most harrowing and frightening step I have ever taken, I remember how much of an effort and drag it was to plunge myself in to the bed believing I would be okay after I lie flat down. My only thought was 'get to the f****** bed, just get to the f****** bed now and everything will be okay'. (Apologies for language) But I was wrong. After securing my spot on my bed I remember trying to calm myself down and grasping on to the bed sheets on the side with my arms. I was hyperventilating and performed deep breathing techniques and tried to 'let go'. My head was flooded with unintelligible flashing psychedelic images accompanied by a very uncomfortable back and forth sharp eery electric static like noise which seemed to last forever. I could not tell whether my eyes were opened or closed, both views were identical and equally overwhelming. My first thought was, 'I want this experience to end, this is insanity'. I began to question what I was doing, am I ever going to return to normal? Am I going to OD here? Why did I embark on this journey again? Simultaneously as these thoughts occured, my intelligible self jumped to my info bank reserve and I dug up some crucial facts, that my source was a trustworthy smart person and that it is impossible to OD on dmt, and that it will be over in 15 minutes and that I would regain myself again. After this point I accepted that I would have to suck it up and just live through the rest of this queasy experience.
The intense hallucinations eventually died down and I was able to familiarise myself with my room again, I assumed 5-10 minutes or so would have passed but I am not sure. I stared at my lilo and stitch + mickey mouse toys across the room and they were giving me a funny devilish look in the dark golden hue of the candle light. I sat up in cross legged position and my body felt unlike mine, and as sarte says I felt like I was confronting an alien reality. I was able to get up and decided to play some ambient music thinking that it'd change the trip in to a positive one. So I chucked on some Bob Marley and instead of marley's voice permeating the room and changing the setting as it does on a LSD/Shroom trip. My mind instead warped the song in to what I can only describe as an artificial robotic unorganised sporadic tune. Interestingly enough I found this fascinating and was quite shocked at what had happened, never in my life have I heard 'music' like this. This definitely was not a human sort of sound and I came to the conclusion that even music is a human construction. As the dmt wore off, I was able to regain my self by dancing (this is usually how I anchor myself) and focusing on the beat. And like that my experience eventually came to an end. I was glad I was back and told my self I'd never do that high a dose for a while. I'll take it step by step this time until I feel comfortable enough to get that high again.
After a hour of googling and reading others reports later I went on again to toke on 20mg (after the tolerance is due to reset). This time I had the lights on and music playing before hand. My trip was vastly different from the previous one and can be explained in this thread Cartoon world - First steps in Hyperspace - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus. This sentence describes it perfectly 'Pastel clay shifting carved plastic ancient futuristic cartoony weird alien super pink skin pointy ears in a different octave of reality...'. Everything seemed legoish like I had just been transported in to a lego world. There were no curves in sight, everything was drawn in sharp perfect plastic rectangular shapes and colours were very vibrant and cartoonish. Again, the music warped in to something alien. This time I had nujabes playing in the background and the dimmy consciousness turned it in to some random unharmonistic melody which did not appeal to my ears but again was some what intriguing. I also despised the taste of the dmt so I ventured in to the kitchen to drink some fruit juice and the instant it hit my stomach my world and senses lit up. From there on it was smooth sailing and the trip ended controllably and nicely.
So there describes my 3 trips. I am having trouble understanding what happened on my 70mg toke. I didn't get any revelations or introspective thoughts as I have heard, no elves or extraterrestrials were there to teach me or show me the way. It was just me ghasting for life momentarily, rationalising to myself that I would be okay, then just sticking through the thick. I'm postulating that perhaps I did not manage to let go of my self/ego properly? I am utterly confused as to what I got out of that experience. I feel the exact same, think the exact same, I am the same person as I was before, except now I am aware of the fact of this whole entire universe which seems independent of ours.
At the moment, my plan of attack is to finish of the residue in the machine the intention of utilising the state to dance. I guesstimate that there's some 2-10mg left of residue in there?
Overall I'm left confused. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Thanks for reading.
