Impulse Experiences: Ongoing Compilation

[Voidmatrix]

Another one I am sharing for my own benefit, engage or don't, all good either way.

Much of my whining is a layer peeling process of self-acceptance and radical acceptance for my current state. Understanding lends itself to acceptance. Reflecting, my difficulties, particularly in recent years with psychedelics, haven't always been this way. So here, we name the frustration and we grieve what was lost. Then we name various impacts to similar systems that are involved in letting go into these spaces, so for me LC, burnout, overtraining, layered on top of depression and C-PTSD. That said, all three layers impact things like the amygdala, lending itself to more anxiety and fear/trauma responses.

Literally just working the process to understand myself better. That's all.

Hope you all are well, and Happy Nexus Day!

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Two hits of changa followed by >8mg.

Very mindful. Very intentional. I took my first hit knowing the bowl was almost spent. I got into child's pose and then stayed with the mild onset for a while. I wanted to be deeper, so I took another hit, and did a little yoga flow. I didn't think about it or get in my own way or let anything else get in the way of just making the choice and following through.

I still wanted to be at least a little deeper. The vape was on the altar with a little more than 8mg in it. I took my time taking it in, stepping in, taking 3 second inhales until it was all gone, really staying with the nervous feeling that makes ya wanna stop. Watching it. Trusting myself, the medicine and the process, makes things so much easier. A slow and subtle onset to the extent that I felt I couldn't feel the change as abruptly. An iridescent green drop on a strand unfolded into a technicolor tapestry that I could only see the from the bottom edge. There was some other stuff, but this was the main things I remember (except for one trickster face towards the end; turned into a goblin), but this stands out because of how colorful it was. I did notice that it was hard to get the experience to stabilize, so while it was chill, it was also wild, but I was within my frame of equanimity and it was just something to enjoy.

One love