Exp. Report Oh my Gosh!

[Caminante]

Back from the "beyond" . A journey of an hour and a quarter. I nearly mess my pants (literally) upon finding myself exposed—even just grazed—by that tremendous POWER. My God!!! I asked myself why I do these things. The POWER is terrifying, almost humanly unbearable. Colors, shapes, and beings beyond all comprehension and imagination. Almost no messages this time; just the usual "scanning" of the mind: the beings came and opened my mind (literally), like brain surgery while I was fully conscious. The only thing I recognize as a message was: "don't seek duration, seek intensity." Exquisite realms of shapes and colors—so beautiful that they gave the sensation that such beauty is deadly, that such beauty can kill. One catches mere glimpses (yet remains aware of both the "mere" and the "glimpsing") of impossible mysteries manifesting right before one's eyes. My God!!!—partly ecstatic, partly terrified—that was all my mind could stammer in those moments . I am using words where I know full well they don't apply, but it is the only way I know to convey even a faint idea of it. Amen. The sacred is beautiful and terrifying.

 

[Caminante]

It has been a long time—at least a year and a half—since I attempted such a profound journey, due to health reasons (COVID?). What leaves me somewhat perplexed is that it always feels familiar at the start—with what I understand is called the "chrysanthemum" here (which, in my case, is always a blue-green color)—and then gives way to more intense, colorful visions that are also familiar to me (though I don't know how to describe them; they look like a sort of "mosaic" of impossible colors and shapes). Finally, I arrive at a "space" that also features shapes and colors, but with "softer" forms; at this point, I’m always surprised because they are never the same—they are unimaginable and distinct from the previous two stages.
It also always happens that, at the beginning, I feel an "energy" passing through and taking over me—like a kind of "electricity" that doesn't shock me but invariably scares me to death due to its tremendous intensity. Thank God, it subsides significantly after that.
Another thing that happens is that I sometimes hear voices talking to each other about the reason for my presence there, as if they want to figure out why I’ve appeared and for what purpose. I invariably feel as though they are "scanning" or "opening" my mind to find out. It is at this point that the strangest entities tend to appear, and I realize they are the ones asking the questions. On some occasions, I even receive a brief indication regarding the journey itself or my life.
So, I’d like to ask experienced travelers if they go through this sort of "sequence" or "stages" in their journeys, if they experience that terrifyingly powerful "energy," and how they manage to deal with it.
I always begin these journeys with—if not panic, then something very close to it—because I know that energy is somewhat inevitable. Thank God, I eventually calm down (a little). I’m grateful in advance to anyone who takes the trouble to answer my questions. Feel free to comment however you wish. Many thanks!!!

 

[brettsta]

Hi , although DMT effects us all different ways there is without doubt a similarity between many of our experiences , one is that electricity you talk about , all consuming electric? energy waves . I'm familiar with that especially with eyes open , I sit bolt upright arms in the air , total engulfing and yes it's extremely intense and emotional.

 

[brettsta]

. The POWER is terrifying, almost humanly unbearable. Colors, shapes, and beings beyond all comprehension and imagination.

And yes love those words , that's DMT it's pure WOW

 

[Caminante]

And yes love those words , that's DMT it's pure WOW

Thank you so much for answering my questions.

 

[brettsta]

Thank you so much for answering my questions.

A pleasure my friend, "don't seek duration, seek intensity.". Yes I'm with that , sometimes I'm happy to not be there too long !! if I want to go for more than 10 min I'll use multiple vapes , I can flow in and out of the breakthrough like a sine wave .
But I am about to try it with Rue , so looking forward to that .

 

[Caminante]

A pleasure my friend, "don't seek duration, seek intensity.". Yes I'm with that , sometimes I'm happy to not be there too long !! if I want to go for more than 10 min I'll use multiple vapes , I can flow in and out of the breakthrough like a sine wave .
But I am about to try it with Rue , so looking forward to that .

Have a great trip then! Vaporhuasca is my next stop too! I've got everything ready!

 

[AlpineXplorer]

So, I’d like to ask experienced travelers if they go through this sort of "sequence" or "stages" in their journeys, if they experience that terrifyingly powerful "energy," and how they manage to deal with it.

Thank you for sharing. Describing a consistent sequence to how my journeys begin is difficult for me. It happens very fast and intensely, almost like a dissolution of this world and its replacement by something else.

Usually I’m maybe transitioning from open eyes to closed eyes? That’s a maybe. I’m not even sure that part matters.

The one overwhelming feeling I do seem to have every time is something like: “Lol, oh my God, I had forgotten. THIS IS IT.”

And then I’ve lost control, and I may even become amnesic to much of the process.

As for managing the intensity, I’m not sure I really do. Once it begins, it feels more like surrender than management.

I have had one experience where the energy turned distinctly negative. I was shown something I can only describe as “doom and gloom,” and it seemed aimed directly at me. I remember responding to it very clearly: “That’s not true. I don’t believe that.” I had this conviction that either I, the world, or something larger contained more light than what I was being shown.

When the energy became darker, I breathed through it. I don’t doubt that there are more intense negative experiences in that space that I may encounter someday. If that happens, I’ll have to trust that I have enough tools in my toolbox to meet them when they come.

Before my first experience, I didn’t understand that this would be a part of it. I honestly thought I could have the experience, have my world rocked, and then go on with my life. I’ve realized that, for me, it doesn’t really work that way. If I’m going to continue with this, and I am, then I also need to re-engage with the Inner Work I had let slide.

For me, that includes journaling, sharing, listening, becoming more aware of my thoughts and behavior, reading about consciousness, re-engaging with science I had lost interest in, reading the Tao, practicing nonjudgment with others, and staying connected with the natural world.

One recurring part of my experiences that stands out happens near the end. As the experience is beginning to fade, “it” seems to know that we’re parting ways and, pardon my failing human words here, it gets almost “pouty” about it. It can feel like it’s rubbing the separation in my face: “Why are you leaving?”

That feeling is quite different from the main body of my experiences, which has overwhelmingly been one of love. The ending almost feels like a bratty kid saying, “Don’t go. Why does the ride have to be over?” but with a little bit of blame directed at me.

By that point I’m usually beginning to process what just happened and regaining enough ordinary awareness that I can open my eyes again.

 

[Caminante]

Today, it was time for a DMT journey—50 minutes spent in those indescribable realms. For several trips now, the "beings" have said nothing to me. My mind seems to "unfold" or split: one part—the logical side—appears to "short-circuit," spewing out words and concepts that, not coincidentally, are the very things that keep me awake at night in this plane of existence; they simply repeat over and over, like a broken record.
Another part of my mind merely observes this short-circuiting.

Yet another part—the most striking one—observes visions that take on physical form, appearing in layers, each one more real than the last. Translucent "entities"—resembling gigantic insects—emerged, giving me the distinct impression that they were "feeding" on my mind. There was no malice, no intent; they were simply eating. It is impossible to put these visions into words; to speak of them is to lie—to distort the truth. At one level, beings appeared—initially in brilliant colors, then taking on the appearance of a bleeding, plastic-like substance, as if they were made of articulated, bleeding, synthetic flesh.

I return from this journey with an understanding of my minor troubles—a realization of the utter futility of everything, especially my own petty concerns and small-scale plans. What is witnessed and experienced there exists prior to language; words only serve to falsify it. I always reach a level where everything—due to its intense solidity—appears to be made of plastic (the only word I can find, however inadequate, to describe it). I need to go further. I will attempt to do so in future journeys. But first, there is much to be done—and much to leave undone—on this plane of reality, a plane already distorted by language.

 

[Caminante]

Thank you for sharing. Describing a consistent sequence to how my journeys begin is difficult for me. It happens very fast and intensely, almost like a dissolution of this world and its replacement by something else.

Usually I’m maybe transitioning from open eyes to closed eyes? That’s a maybe. I’m not even sure that part matters.

The one overwhelming feeling I do seem to have every time is something like: “Lol, oh my God, I had forgotten. THIS IS IT.”

And then I’ve lost control, and I may even become amnesic to much of the process.

As for managing the intensity, I’m not sure I really do. Once it begins, it feels more like surrender than management.

I have had one experience where the energy turned distinctly negative. I was shown something I can only describe as “doom and gloom,” and it seemed aimed directly at me. I remember responding to it very clearly: “That’s not true. I don’t believe that.” I had this conviction that either I, the world, or something larger contained more light than what I was being shown.

When the energy became darker, I breathed through it. I don’t doubt that there are more intense negative experiences in that space that I may encounter someday. If that happens, I’ll have to trust that I have enough tools in my toolbox to meet them when they come.

Before my first experience, I didn’t understand that this would be a part of it. I honestly thought I could have the experience, have my world rocked, and then go on with my life. I’ve realized that, for me, it doesn’t really work that way. If I’m going to continue with this, and I am, then I also need to re-engage with the Inner Work I had let slide.

For me, that includes journaling, sharing, listening, becoming more aware of my thoughts and behavior, reading about consciousness, re-engaging with science I had lost interest in, reading the Tao, practicing nonjudgment with others, and staying connected with the natural world.

One recurring part of my experiences that stands out happens near the end. As the experience is beginning to fade, “it” seems to know that we’re parting ways and, pardon my failing human words here, it gets almost “pouty” about it. It can feel like it’s rubbing the separation in my face: “Why are you leaving?”

That feeling is quite different from the main body of my experiences, which has overwhelmingly been one of love. The ending almost feels like a bratty kid saying, “Don’t go. Why does the ride have to be over?” but with a little bit of blame directed at me.

By that point I’m usually beginning to process what just happened and regaining enough ordinary awareness that I can open my eyes again.

Thanks for responding! I love reading about your experience. It resonates deeply with me.

 

[Caminante]

I felt very alone on this journey. It led me to understand and experience the solitude of the mind on a new level. It is a kind of new realization—the understanding that "human bonds" are something extremely meager, tenuous, almost illusory. More fantasy than reality; more a matter of living within the imagination of a bond than of grasping the reality of it in itself.

 

[AlpineXplorer]

Thanks for responding! I love reading about your experience. It resonates deeply with me.

You're welcome The experiences are so beautiful I feel compelled to try to describe them... and I fail gloriously every time. Lol.

I had another outdoor experience yesterday. To even try to describe the main body of the experience would do it an injustice... I was too far away, in a space beyond words or time or thought. So I'm just going to continue to sit with beauty and awe.

I can only say that as it all wore off, the ancient towering trees surrounding me told me to pay attention because I would only be able to hear them for a little bit longer. They told me to look up and that their branches were raised for me. They were rooting me on. They always had been, and they always would.

They told me it's why I have a natural inclination toward the outdoors. It's why I just made a late-in-life career change to put me in a job that is outside. It's why I feel completely comfortable walking into the woods and falling asleep alone. More so than in my apartment.

And they told me it's the reason why my mom sent me outside as a kid all those long days, end on end. It wasn't because of her depression or inattention. It was because something about motherly instinct told her I was supposed to be with the plants and trees. They are my family. And one day I will be with them in the dirt. As it has always been slated to be, and as it should be. We will be together.

But for now, they wanted me to know their branches are my everyday reminder that I have so much life rooting for me, even on the days I struggle the most.

And then, as the DMT completely wore off... the voices quietly receded, and I was left grateful and aware. I sent my mom a simple text: "Thank you for sending us outside to play so much as kids."

Thank you for sharing as well, friend.

 

[AlpineXplorer]

new realization—the understanding that "human bonds" are something extremely meager, tenuous, almost illusory. More fantasy than reality; more a matter of living within the imagination of a bond than of grasping the reality of it in itself.

*Sitting at my desk right now, considering my interpersonal relationships and whether they're illusory or real. It's a sad thought. Sometimes the saddest things are the most beautiful, though.

 

[northape]

I felt very alone on this journey. It led me to understand and experience the solitude of the mind on a new level. It is a kind of new realization—the understanding that "human bonds" are something extremely meager, tenuous, almost illusory. More fantasy than reality; more a matter of living within the imagination of a bond than of grasping the reality of it in itself.

"The end of accumulation is dispersion.
The end of building is ruin.
The end of meeting is parting.
The end of birth is death.

Give up your life. Give it all up. Do not base your life on what can be taken away from you — wealth, possessions, health, family, friends, fame, respect, even your own life. If you have the good fortune to have family, friends, wealth or respect, savor them, knowing that they all must come to an end, sooner or later. But do not base your life on holding on to them. Instead, do what life calls for in each moment, and do so without any gaining idea, any thought that you will ever see or enjoy the results of your actions. Do it because your life calls for it — nothing more."

- Reflections on Silver River by Ken McLeod

There is a notion of two truths in Buddhism: absolute and relative. Even if you saw a glimpse of the higher truth, you're still living in a relative reality and should act accordingly. Meditative experiences come and go the same way a dmt flash does. Only something that changes your energy so completely that it becomes your new reality has value. You don't even need to think about it, so deep it goes.

All these grand ideas and new outlooks may feel exciting, but would they stand the test of time and real-life application? That's why grounding and integration are so important. Use it all to grow and mature without being stuck on some idea. The ultimate practice is being open and relaxed. That kind of approach can hold everything and not be bound by it.

 

[AlpineXplorer]

"Give up your life. Give it all up."

- Reflections on Silver River by Ken McLeod

I love that simple bit right there It reminds me of this idea from D. H. Lawrence

"Are you willing to be sponged out, erased, cancelled,
made nothing?
Are you willing to be made nothing?
dipped into oblivion?

If not, you will never really change.

Integration. That's the heart of it.

 

[brettsta]

eating. It is impossible to put these visions into words; to speak of them is to lie—to distort the truth. e.

Thank you I enjoyed reading your experience, well wrote.
It really is impossible to describe that place through language and words ,
I feel the same as you , trying to put it into words risks distorting the truth .
Everytime I return to that impossible world , I'm always immediately hit with the realization that I or any of us have absolutely no idea ,!!!

I like to keep it simple and just use single words that spring to mind on multiple occasions.
Plastic is definitely one , so is playdough, elasticated , the sound of twisting a balloon, nothingness, ......

Your not alone on this quest , us true psychonauts walk a lonely path
Maybe see you in there one day ? Now that would be a thing

 

[northape]

From a Hindu perspective, these ideas are well represented by the archetype of Kali - a wild, transformative energy that kills you in order to give birth to the real you. Periods of anguish and hardship are the most transformative. If we just stop holding on to our old identity and let ourselves disappear, something new will be born. Don't fear annihilation - you can't cut space