post one liner jokes

[DmnStr8]

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

[ETERNAL]

David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, "I love it when balls are in my face."

 

[Oskar]

A nurse pulls a thermometer from her pocket & says "Some arsehole's got my pen".

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I was recently inspired to write some Shakespearean verse after being overcome by fumes emitted from a
current-sensing liquid which could be applied using a ballpoint-pen. High on Bic paint ammeter.

 

[Nydex]

Don't know what the source of this is, but:

It's all fun and games until someone loses an "I".

 

[dragonrider]

I don't know if this qualifies as a joke, but i think alex jones is going to be president of the united states one day. To american standards he's acting pretty "presidential".

 

[FranLover]

I met a guy at the bus stop today that told me that if I'd suck his dick he'd give me this watch

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I met a guy at the bus stop today that told me that if I'd suck his dick he'd give me this watch

That's a nice watch, would you like some shoes to go with it?

 

[FranLover]

I met a guy at the bus stop today that told me that if I'd suck his dick he'd give me this watch

That's a nice watch, would you like some shoes to go with it?

Thanks for the offer, but I have no feet!

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

I got some feet... today, only, I'll make an offer you wouldn't want to refuse...





Oh, no.... my dick is fine. I want that watch!

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I was disappointed to find out that Instagram has nothing to do with ordering drug deliveries online (AFAIK).

 

[metta-morpheus]

David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, "I love it when balls are in my face."

I love that movie!

 

[hug46]

My child doesn't want to eat meat. With what can i replace it? ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''A dog. A dog loves meat.

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I found out today why they had to replace the set on "The Wizard of Oz". There was some wear over the rainbow.

 

[RhythmSpring]

I was meditating the other day, and I *finally* arrived at the present moment!!!

Glad I don't have to do THAT again!

 

[Jagube]

I wanted to post a joke about sodium, but I was like Na, people won't understand.

 

[Loveall]

Did you hear about the Chameleon that couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I recently tried reacting thiazyl fluoride with tungsten - but let me warn you, the product is NSFW...

 

[pauldebronx]

Hey everyone! Thought I'd drop in with a few puns to keep the laughs rolling. Here goes:

Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!

Hope these brought a smile to your face! Keep the humor coming, folks!

 

[Transform]

How do you make tomato soup taste like chicken? Use two cans.