*were not*
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Void's Journey Into Silence
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
- Start date
Also maybe time to take a week away from working and instead kava binge and rest?
I would say that the situation in Europe is not much better, especially if you see it from an immigrant's viewpoint.
Everyone is pushed to work in elderly care where I live. However, they pay a similar amount to welfare benefits, with 12-hour work shifts. You can guess why many just sit at home.
On the other hand, I had friends that were frankly criminals, and they work in politics right now. It shows very well who sits at the wheel. After years of struggle, I got the message that if you live by the book, you will work more and get less. The whole system is rigged towards the accumulation of wealth through any means possible.
I saw inside the welfare system through some other friends. It is not there to help, but to put you down in your place. This is true, at least psychologically.
Working for yourself is usually available only for natives with good pedigree. This is just my experience; maybe someone saw a better side of things.
Everyone is pushed to work in elderly care where I live. However, they pay a similar amount to welfare benefits, with 12-hour work shifts. You can guess why many just sit at home.
On the other hand, I had friends that were frankly criminals, and they work in politics right now. It shows very well who sits at the wheel. After years of struggle, I got the message that if you live by the book, you will work more and get less. The whole system is rigged towards the accumulation of wealth through any means possible.
I saw inside the welfare system through some other friends. It is not there to help, but to put you down in your place. This is true, at least psychologically.
Working for yourself is usually available only for natives with good pedigree. This is just my experience; maybe someone saw a better side of things.
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Lately... i may have mentioned it lately, but it's a life-long specter in my life
But you're right, it needs to be better.
It makes me self-conscious like people will think I'm unintelligent, or slow, or any other negative way that can limit you down the road.Once, I forgot my card's pin code after a mushroom trip. It was a fun few days
Maybe 15 years ago, I enjoyed a tablespoon of piracetam in a glass of water, followed by a cup of strong espresso.
My memory was very on point, but mania got to me in the end. It was an awesome pre-workout supplement, though
Sometimes when writing responses, I pause and stare at the screen, unsure of what to say.
Thank you. That last part is a work in progress.
One love
I may have to do this soon. There's a lot of burnout coming back up to the ssurface.
One love
Thank God for cactus and that I am so sensitive to it. It is such a fucntional microdose that helps me to think. It helps me keep a hold of things in my mind. I'm so tired right now and am feeling all sorts of sludgy and prickly. I keep forgetting what day it is, erring on Tuesday rather than celebrating it's Friday. Probably because I have to work for a few hours guiding DMT tomorrow, and have to integrate and then work an event for the center on Sunday. Monday is going to be my first day off in a couple weeks. I am also getting confused by time, repeatedly thinking that it is much earlier than it is.
The cactus is helping me thinking passed the pain I'm feeling too, as my whole body aches in this moment. I'm going to behave myself and skip the gym today.
As tired as I am, I'm still going to get after this 15mg that I packed before heading up to the center. I have an eye appointment and then will take my journey and make take a little nap after.
Blah.
One love
The cactus is helping me thinking passed the pain I'm feeling too, as my whole body aches in this moment. I'm going to behave myself and skip the gym today.
As tired as I am, I'm still going to get after this 15mg that I packed before heading up to the center. I have an eye appointment and then will take my journey and make take a little nap after.
Blah.
One love
ommani
Titanium Teammate
Great to hear the cactus is feeling supportive for you, on multiple levels!
To backtrack a little bit, it sounds like the dismissive attitude of your former boss was a reflection of his insecurity, presumably leading him to feel threatened by you.
I think it can take a while to recover from burnout and chronically challenging situations. Case in point, up until around two years ago, I was working overnights (though not exclusively) at a residential, mental health facility. While I was technically allowed to sleep, sleep didn't come easily in that setting, and I lost a lot of it - often waking up at around 2-3am and again in the early morning, which carried over to how I slept at home. Suffice it to say, it has taken around two years of no longer working there for my sleep to return to normal. In other words, given the length of time you worked at that labor job, it may take a little while to fully recover.
Jamie01 said:
no wonder everyone feels the doom
Did someone say doom?!
To backtrack a little bit, it sounds like the dismissive attitude of your former boss was a reflection of his insecurity, presumably leading him to feel threatened by you.
I think it can take a while to recover from burnout and chronically challenging situations. Case in point, up until around two years ago, I was working overnights (though not exclusively) at a residential, mental health facility. While I was technically allowed to sleep, sleep didn't come easily in that setting, and I lost a lot of it - often waking up at around 2-3am and again in the early morning, which carried over to how I slept at home. Suffice it to say, it has taken around two years of no longer working there for my sleep to return to normal. In other words, given the length of time you worked at that labor job, it may take a little while to fully recover.
Jamie01 said:
no wonder everyone feels the doom
Did someone say doom?!
Truly a gift... a precarious gift...
I'm taking a little break from changa and DMT as I mentioned in another thread somewhere
Today I decided to run a little experiment based on an idea I have to aid my recovery from burnout... simply, tryptamines. Have them in my system more often On days that I microdose, but especially noticeable on days that I accidentally threshold dose, a lot of what irritates me the most about burnout is mitigated. The cognitive effects.
I took around .75mg of psilocin this morning around 7am. I came home around 1530 and took two capsules of Golden Teacher microdoses, which is about 250mg of dried fruits encapsulated...
[Well, here's a turn: Trying to be accurate about the dosage, I looked at the bottle again. Then I looked at the serving size and realized that I've also taken double the dose...doh]
So, I guess it's actually 500mg of dried fruit in my system... that explains a bit more... But the overall potency is apparently 6.2mg/g... not that potent.
However, as I am writing this I'm pretty much tripping. This is over the threshold. It's harder to type and things are getting progressively more wiggly.
I also took 50mg of Theacrine at the same time.
Things started to get weird after the second cannabis bowl though... some potentiation is needed. No surprises there.
I'm still kinda scratching my head though, as I wanted to get a lot of work done and don't think I'll get quite as much as anticipated... But the psychedelic door seems to be very open, and for that I am grateful.
There are so many layers that we could talk about this kind of experience on, because this sensitivity and longevity is absurd. But I'll take it.
I realized I'm kinda writing this to help level myself out. Thank you for supporting me.
While there is likely some pharmacological explanation for this, it's hard not to lean towards ideas of a more mystical nature as well. Because this happens often. I'm wondering if there was still some activation from my morning microdose outside of pure placebo that was occurring when I redosed. My last few mushroom trips lasted longer than normal as well, with the big one last around 10 hours with only one redose an hour after the initial.
I'm just out here exploring.
One love
I'm taking a little break from changa and DMT as I mentioned in another thread somewhere
Today I decided to run a little experiment based on an idea I have to aid my recovery from burnout... simply, tryptamines. Have them in my system more often
On days that I microdose, but especially noticeable on days that I accidentally threshold dose, a lot of what irritates me the most about burnout is mitigated. The cognitive effects.I took around .75mg of psilocin this morning around 7am. I came home around 1530 and took two capsules of Golden Teacher microdoses, which is about 250mg of dried fruits encapsulated...
[Well, here's a turn: Trying to be accurate about the dosage, I looked at the bottle again. Then I looked at the serving size and realized that I've also taken double the dose...doh]
So, I guess it's actually 500mg of dried fruit in my system... that explains a bit more... But the overall potency is apparently 6.2mg/g... not that potent.
However, as I am writing this I'm pretty much tripping. This is over the threshold. It's harder to type and things are getting progressively more wiggly.
I also took 50mg of Theacrine at the same time.
Things started to get weird after the second cannabis bowl though... some potentiation is needed. No surprises there.
I'm still kinda scratching my head though, as I wanted to get a lot of work done and don't think I'll get quite as much as anticipated... But the psychedelic door seems to be very open, and for that I am grateful.
There are so many layers that we could talk about this kind of experience on, because this sensitivity and longevity is absurd. But I'll take it.
I realized I'm kinda writing this to help level myself out. Thank you for supporting me.
While there is likely some pharmacological explanation for this, it's hard not to lean towards ideas of a more mystical nature as well. Because this happens often. I'm wondering if there was still some activation from my morning microdose outside of pure placebo that was occurring when I redosed. My last few mushroom trips lasted longer than normal as well, with the big one last around 10 hours with only one redose an hour after the initial.
I'm just out here exploring.
One love
Hey Void just was working my way back through the thread and found this. I am inspired by this.
For years now I have been using youtube as a crutch. Playing some games: put a youtube video on in the background. Doing some work: put a youtube video in the background...etc. In the short term it elevates my my mood and makes me feel some sort of connection with the world. Recently though I have realized that this way of being is only promoting surface level awareness and a unfocused albeit pacified brain. Most of the youtube videos are just noise anyway just a passing interest that got a click out of me. I am going cold turkey on it now. I have tried other approaches to tone down the amount but as long as there is a thread there is something for me to abuse.
Its only been a few days and the impulse is real and present
, but the amount of focus that I have had relative to before is stunning.Best wishes
Keep on keepin on man. It can be tough, and the root of all this is a combination of greed and the real need for people to make money and make a living. It's insidious.Hey Void just was working my way back through the thread and found this. I am inspired by this.
For years now I have been using youtube as a crutch. Playing some games: put a youtube video on in the background. Doing some work: put a youtube video in the background...etc. In the short term it elevates my my mood and makes me feel some sort of connection with the world. Recently though I have realized that this way of being is only promoting surface level awareness and a unfocused albeit pacified brain. Most of the youtube videos are just noise anyway just a passing interest that got a click out of me. I am going cold turkey on it now. I have tried other approaches to tone down the amount but as long as there is a thread there is something for me to abuse.
Its only been a few days and the impulse is real and present
Best wishes
One love
I'm allowing more stimulation, more engagement, and more input. I am however being very picky about it.
In revisiting myself, part of the effort of remembering, I've noticed that I've been pretty stable philosophically, having retained the heart of many ideas for many many years. This is poignant to me because I tend to feel and side with the idea that I didn't do anything of value or "impressive" as I was young and that doesn't seem to add up to ways in which I'm viewed. I came up with what I consider to be a very on point and specific while broad philosophic system that focuses on the subfields of philosophy of mind, epistemology and ontology mainly and elucidates a framework that is centered on skepticism and paradox, so much so that I want to develop new terms around some of these things. I've just never delineated it because I didn't have the confidence.
While it's something I want to share, I have to remind myself, with posts like this, that I have to do it for myself. I have to get it out of my head...
I also have a hang up around doing things if it's already been done before. Just a cue to center in.
The age thing only matters because I didn't have a gage for certain standards snd subconsciously picked up this one from society that loves to highlight and center in on youth, effectively causing people like myself to have the issue of find present value when having not appealed to the societal expectation.
Microdose is hitting hard today so wanted to process some stuff.
One love
Edit: I do want to thank everyone who has participated in getting me to this point, amd relative to the philosophical aspect, thank you to @Varallo and @blindgoat
In revisiting myself, part of the effort of remembering, I've noticed that I've been pretty stable philosophically, having retained the heart of many ideas for many many years. This is poignant to me because I tend to feel and side with the idea that I didn't do anything of value or "impressive" as I was young and that doesn't seem to add up to ways in which I'm viewed. I came up with what I consider to be a very on point and specific while broad philosophic system that focuses on the subfields of philosophy of mind, epistemology and ontology mainly and elucidates a framework that is centered on skepticism and paradox, so much so that I want to develop new terms around some of these things. I've just never delineated it because I didn't have the confidence.
While it's something I want to share, I have to remind myself, with posts like this, that I have to do it for myself. I have to get it out of my head...
I also have a hang up around doing things if it's already been done before. Just a cue to center in.
The age thing only matters because I didn't have a gage for certain standards snd subconsciously picked up this one from society that loves to highlight and center in on youth, effectively causing people like myself to have the issue of find present value when having not appealed to the societal expectation.
Microdose is hitting hard today so wanted to process some stuff.
One love
Edit: I do want to thank everyone who has participated in getting me to this point, amd relative to the philosophical aspect, thank you to @Varallo and @blindgoat
First and foremost, I love you.
A lot has shifted for me over the years here and I don't feel I come off as nice and as kind anymore. Does that mean I was faking it and being disingenuous before? No. Do I feel bad about it? Sorta. Why only sorta? Because it's a reflection of something deeper for me.
I talk a lot about this long road to burnout recovery that I am on, among the other paths that I traverse. I notice that the ways in which I would speak and interact before would actually drain me, as I put a lot of energy not only into speaking my mind in a kind way (because I kinda disagree with a lot, and find it inauthentic not to highlight it otherwise whomever I may be interacting with may get the wrong idea, and allowing people to have the wrong idea is poor communication and leads to misunderstandings down the road. If we look at it as two people following a path with blindfolds on and are in constant contact but something that seems agreed upon isn't addressed, one ends up in a valley, while the other on top of a mountain), but also tailoring my rhetoric and speech so that it is as appropriate as possible for the given audience.
Because I am mentally fatigued as well, it's hard to go as in depth or keep up. That's why so many of my responses are so short nowadays. I feel like it seems less of my heart is in it.
At the same time, it's a reflection of over-extending myself, and so I'm trying to be more aligned with myself in my interactions.
So, sorry not sorry that my more philosophical and critical side is front and center in a way that it hasn't been before. I disagree with lots of stuff and I like poking holes in certainty. It may drive people mad, but it's actually service... trickster service... enigma service.
And I'm mad, as in a hatter, though I am cranky today.
I'm a different breed and I am trying to own it, regardless of anyone else, but not without consideration, just no more of this depleting blind consideration.
One love
A lot has shifted for me over the years here and I don't feel I come off as nice and as kind anymore. Does that mean I was faking it and being disingenuous before? No. Do I feel bad about it? Sorta. Why only sorta? Because it's a reflection of something deeper for me.
I talk a lot about this long road to burnout recovery that I am on, among the other paths that I traverse. I notice that the ways in which I would speak and interact before would actually drain me, as I put a lot of energy not only into speaking my mind in a kind way (because I kinda disagree with a lot, and find it inauthentic not to highlight it otherwise whomever I may be interacting with may get the wrong idea, and allowing people to have the wrong idea is poor communication and leads to misunderstandings down the road. If we look at it as two people following a path with blindfolds on and are in constant contact but something that seems agreed upon isn't addressed, one ends up in a valley, while the other on top of a mountain), but also tailoring my rhetoric and speech so that it is as appropriate as possible for the given audience.
Because I am mentally fatigued as well, it's hard to go as in depth or keep up. That's why so many of my responses are so short nowadays. I feel like it seems less of my heart is in it.
At the same time, it's a reflection of over-extending myself, and so I'm trying to be more aligned with myself in my interactions.
So, sorry not sorry that my more philosophical and critical side is front and center in a way that it hasn't been before. I disagree with lots of stuff and I like poking holes in certainty. It may drive people mad, but it's actually service... trickster service... enigma service.
And I'm mad, as in a hatter, though I am cranky today.
I'm a different breed and I am trying to own it, regardless of anyone else, but not without consideration, just no more of this depleting blind consideration.
One love
In this long train of healing, as I continue to embed myself in myself, in alignment and centering, I seem to keep getting slapped in the face. Developing further understanding of the anvil I carry that I ignore.
I wasn't even trying that hard, and I've overtrrained... partly due to poor diet and recovery, and I learned yesterday that post workout blues is a phenomenon one may experience. It's a psychological response to systemic fatigue.
What did the five fingers say to the face?!?! SLAAAPP!
I reread many of my posts in some select threads about a week ago, seeing that I've done a lot of work and made many of the right decisions to move forward. But I don't feel that way and don't know how to feel that way, so coming to this realization was kind of a slap as well.
I guess I go hard, even though I've never thought so...
Continuing to slow down...
One love
I wasn't even trying that hard, and I've overtrrained... partly due to poor diet and recovery, and I learned yesterday that post workout blues is a phenomenon one may experience. It's a psychological response to systemic fatigue.
What did the five fingers say to the face?!?! SLAAAPP!
I reread many of my posts in some select threads about a week ago, seeing that I've done a lot of work and made many of the right decisions to move forward. But I don't feel that way and don't know how to feel that way, so coming to this realization was kind of a slap as well.
I guess I go hard, even though I've never thought so...
Continuing to slow down...
One love
Oh, now I get it. Yeah, it's real if you overtrain. I even made long pauses in my workout regimen because of it a few times. Better train enjoying your body and not overdo it.
It becomes even more important as we age. As they say in yoga, you need to be present and at ease in the body; straining it usually leads to disbalance. Workout is a celebration, not a race. One can do lots of stuff with modern medicine and testosterone therapy, but for simple folk, it's beyond the reach. Better follow old school advice.
Slow down, breathe, and stay present
That's the thing... in my mind it all happened by accident. I wasn't trying to go that hard...Oh, now I get it. Yeah, it's real if you overtrain. I even made long pauses in my workout regimen because of it a few times. Better train enjoying your body and not overdo it.
It becomes even more important as we age. As they say in yoga, you need to be present and at ease in the body; straining it usually leads to disbalance. Workout is a celebration, not a race. One can do lots of stuff with modern medicine and testosterone therapy, but for simple folk, it's beyond the reach. Better follow old school advice.
Slow down, breathe, and stay present
I'm paying a lot of attention right now.
One love
That's how we humans are. My mom worked hard until her back gave up. Better learn fast than wait for the next life.
Chill the f### out. I thought MJ was legal over there?
I'm trying... but maybe that's issue. Like Jerry said on Rick and Morty, "have you ever tried to relax, you can't, it's a paradooooox."That's how we humans are. My mom worked hard until her back gave up. Better learn fast than wait for the next life.
Chill the f### out. I thought MJ was legal over there?
One love
That's a hard one, for sure. You can't make yourself fall asleep; you need to allow it to happen. So, what do you need to allow in order to relax?