No need to answer me at all. Just look inside and see how it works. Be kind to yourself. Love towards others starts with self-love. See God living in your Heart and Love it to Death.
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Void's Journey Into Silence
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
- Start date
Also, it speaks volumes considering how much cannabis I've smoked 
One love
One love
Then I'm an anomaly because I've shown and given a lot without doing the same for myself.No need to answer me at all. Just look inside and see how it works. Be kind to yourself. Love towards others starts with self-love. See God living in your Heart and Love it to Death.
One love
I'm of the martyr kind too, but everything needs balance. Love could be fierce, as you well know.
A vicious balance...
I listened to the song during my first dab of the day. I was going to try and be "productive" today, but I just need to be, whatever that looks like.
In my process of slowing down, I'm noticing that it's slowing down like some hyper-train would, taking quite a while decelerate...
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There are
You can try just expanding your awareness of what's happening, accepting everything, and working from the position of presence all the time.
It's a hard project, but maybe you're up for it. Anyhow, time for bed. All the best, and hold the fort while us Europeans are dead asleep
I think I smell what you're steppin in...There aretwothree meanings there
I wanna make jokes about you guys being asleep when I have nothing to do very often, so it's funny you mention that.All the best, and hold the fort while us Europeans are dead asleep
Rest well, my friend.
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I decided to develop a 12 week plan to help me recover from burnout and overtraining and get back to basics.
There was a weird moment where ChatGPT decided to share with me that I "have a rare level of metacognitive insight." I'll take it I guess.
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There was a weird moment where ChatGPT decided to share with me that I "have a rare level of metacognitive insight."
I'll take it I guess.One love
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Another spastic one, first thing in the morning, as I heat my back.
I am really glad that I have engaged this undertaking. It's been of tremendous benefit.
At an inflection point, a new stage, I've mentioned before how I have a new understanding that stories of my past have been apocryphal, riddled with mistakes and errors of judgment and faulty comparisons. I'm shifting the story of my past to something more accurate.
A decade and a half ago, a doctor in a mental hospital told me I was too smart for my own good... presently, my boss, who meets a lot of unique people, says I'm really out there...
Well ya know what, it's never been that I've been dumb or inept, nope. Rather, with a priority on an every expanding awareness, I've just been overwhelmed in life for who knows how long.
I'm not inept or immature, but overwhelmed, by data, stimulation, consideration, that I've never been able to pick and stick to a direction. To be fair I can be a little flighty with interests as well, where I can be extremely engaged in something until either my focus falters or my interest is piqued for something else and I forget about the initial thing.
And what's more and an area of compassion is that in many ways I am prone to being overwhelmed, and as such realize that, while not meaning to, I've pushed myself in ways I didn't have to.
I experience a lot of action paralysis, a symptom of being overwhelmed. I'm recovering from burnout, a symptom of systemic overwhelm...
One love
I am really glad that I have engaged this undertaking. It's been of tremendous benefit.
At an inflection point, a new stage, I've mentioned before how I have a new understanding that stories of my past have been apocryphal, riddled with mistakes and errors of judgment and faulty comparisons. I'm shifting the story of my past to something more accurate.
A decade and a half ago, a doctor in a mental hospital told me I was too smart for my own good... presently, my boss, who meets a lot of unique people, says I'm really out there...
Well ya know what, it's never been that I've been dumb or inept, nope. Rather, with a priority on an every expanding awareness, I've just been overwhelmed in life for who knows how long.
I'm not inept or immature, but overwhelmed, by data, stimulation, consideration, that I've never been able to pick and stick to a direction. To be fair I can be a little flighty with interests as well, where I can be extremely engaged in something until either my focus falters or my interest is piqued for something else and I forget about the initial thing.
And what's more and an area of compassion is that in many ways I am prone to being overwhelmed, and as such realize that, while not meaning to, I've pushed myself in ways I didn't have to.
I experience a lot of action paralysis, a symptom of being overwhelmed. I'm recovering from burnout, a symptom of systemic overwhelm...
One love
I forgive you, Void.
A regret I currently have is my avoidance of self. I likely wouldn't have certain subjectively personal issues if I used the metrics of my own journals and writings as guages for myself and my progress. And it wasn't so much me actively trying to avoid myself, but that I felt some sort of conceit in being that "self absorbed," an erroneous worry on optics because I don't think that, rather, it's an act of self awareness.
Engaging the space at levels that are more comfortable for me, for example, are much easier when I've read old trip reports and certain other posts and journal entries. It instantiates and reaffirms with conviction what is laying within as resources.
"With this this act, I free myself, cutting the binds that inhibit me."
"Medicine, I receive you as you receive me."
One love
A regret I currently have is my avoidance of self. I likely wouldn't have certain subjectively personal issues if I used the metrics of my own journals and writings as guages for myself and my progress. And it wasn't so much me actively trying to avoid myself, but that I felt some sort of conceit in being that "self absorbed," an erroneous worry on optics because I don't think that, rather, it's an act of self awareness.
Engaging the space at levels that are more comfortable for me, for example, are much easier when I've read old trip reports and certain other posts and journal entries. It instantiates and reaffirms with conviction what is laying within as resources.
"With this this act, I free myself, cutting the binds that inhibit me."
"Medicine, I receive you as you receive me."
One love
In my perpetually accelerating transformation, I find myself at an inflection point... again... oh, soon?
Something that keeps coming up from others in a vein of assistance and help is the idea that I need "to see myself more objectively..." I'm not sure if people really grasp what that means and entails. It reminds me of a time a woman I worked with told me that I was objectively attractive... thank you, thank you very very much, but no.
Even if every human being in the world thought that "x" was true, doesn't mean x is objective or objectively true. What can be objective in this scenario is that "every human being in the world thinks x."
That said, the people trying to help me in this way leave me in a confused position. I hashed it out a bit with my therapist by pushing back a little bit on some of his ideas. I asked him, if I were a client that came in and said I spend a lot of time on social media and that based on what I see my life is shit compared to others, he would likely lead me down the road of not comparing myself to others. From there I highlighted that for me to see what he and others think I need to see, I have to compare myself to others, or at least, that's what they are doing. For example, just before this part of the conversation, he told me that I am able to express and delineate things in a clear way that most people can't... that's not an objective observation, it's relative. It is relative to his experience and awareness of how other people communicate...
I'm not sure where I am going with this. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my system.
One love
Something that keeps coming up from others in a vein of assistance and help is the idea that I need "to see myself more objectively..." I'm not sure if people really grasp what that means and entails. It reminds me of a time a woman I worked with told me that I was objectively attractive... thank you, thank you very very much, but no.
Even if every human being in the world thought that "x" was true, doesn't mean x is objective or objectively true. What can be objective in this scenario is that "every human being in the world thinks x."
That said, the people trying to help me in this way leave me in a confused position. I hashed it out a bit with my therapist by pushing back a little bit on some of his ideas. I asked him, if I were a client that came in and said I spend a lot of time on social media and that based on what I see my life is shit compared to others, he would likely lead me down the road of not comparing myself to others. From there I highlighted that for me to see what he and others think I need to see, I have to compare myself to others, or at least, that's what they are doing. For example, just before this part of the conversation, he told me that I am able to express and delineate things in a clear way that most people can't... that's not an objective observation, it's relative. It is relative to his experience and awareness of how other people communicate...
I'm not sure where I am going with this. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my system.
One love
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Who is the therapist there? It sounds like you bring a lot to the table, and your therapist's skill set and experience are going to grow exponentially. Maybe it is a good time to ask for a discount? Black Friday and everything, you know
I don't believe in objectivity, honestly. It is all quite subjective in the end: we come here alone and go away alone. It looks like there are some other souls here, but it only looks so to me. I try not to think too deeply about it all. Love is my only interest nowadays. May all be well.
Hahaha, I appreciate that!Who is the therapist there? It sounds like you bring a lot to the table, and your therapist's skill set and experience are going to grow exponentially. Maybe it is a good time to ask for a discount? Black Friday and everything, you know
I can't help myself.
There was a supreme court justice that said something to the effect of "you can chase after the truth like hell and never touch it's coattails, but in doing so will free yourself." Swap "truth" for objectivity:" it's an attempt, we never actually get there, but, boy, do we sure like to convince ourselves we do...
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I'm sharing this ironically because I am dealing with action paralysis in this moment and need something to do, since I can't seem to settle in to figure out something else. This is one of the most pitiful things that I deal with. Harsh? Probably. I am also sharing this in spite of the feeling that I shouldn't, that it's gotten old... I know that's probably not true. The amount of internal correction I have to put myself through...
So, I am stopping, here, to just type until it dawns on me what next I ought, or even better, want to do. I feel like this is a weird thing to deal with. I know some of it is connected to my burnt out state, since thinking is hard. I know some of it comes from being too hard on myself with a lot of internal criticism. That said, I have been despising my father for most of the day, understanding more of his effects that I still navigate and try to fix as I turn 37 tomorrow. Some of it is also part and parcel for my body aches and pains which usurp cognitive function.
Maybe I just need to rest and be and not worry about doing anything... though I want to take more action.
Guess I'll tidy my room and pack my bag for the night, in silence.
One love
So, I am stopping, here, to just type until it dawns on me what next I ought, or even better, want to do. I feel like this is a weird thing to deal with. I know some of it is connected to my burnt out state, since thinking is hard. I know some of it comes from being too hard on myself with a lot of internal criticism. That said, I have been despising my father for most of the day, understanding more of his effects that I still navigate and try to fix as I turn 37 tomorrow. Some of it is also part and parcel for my body aches and pains which usurp cognitive function.
Maybe I just need to rest and be and not worry about doing anything... though I want to take more action.
Guess I'll tidy my room and pack my bag for the night, in silence.
One love
I was brought up on Brazilian soap operas. Any new episode is always welcome
Hurrah! Congrats on 37 years living on this rock, flying through space and making stories to kill some time
I slipped, but it's okay.
In the past couple weeks I've had several days, at least two this week, where I've gone over my alotted screen time. While my system and being notices the influx of stimulation and data and feels subsequently drained by it, I am giving myself grace because at the same time I am in the throes of a depressive wave.
And I have crippling treatment resistant depressive disorders.
It's catalyzed by a very hard situation that is spaghettifying me, creating a great deal of confusion. I've spent a lot the day in my bed, sleeping or crying.
However, I need to turn inward (thanks for the chat, @blig-blug) and leave the situation alone and find my center and alignment despite everything else.
Being here is helpful, so I'll remain, but after smoalking a little changa and allowing the flood gates to open fully, allowing catharsis, I want to grab the jar and keep it near, grab my journal and just start jotting...
Be well everyone.
One love
In the past couple weeks I've had several days, at least two this week, where I've gone over my alotted screen time. While my system and being notices the influx of stimulation and data and feels subsequently drained by it, I am giving myself grace because at the same time I am in the throes of a depressive wave.
And I have crippling treatment resistant depressive disorders.
It's catalyzed by a very hard situation that is spaghettifying me, creating a great deal of confusion. I've spent a lot the day in my bed, sleeping or crying.
However, I need to turn inward (thanks for the chat, @blig-blug) and leave the situation alone and find my center and alignment despite everything else.
Being here is helpful, so I'll remain, but after smoalking a little changa and allowing the flood gates to open fully, allowing catharsis, I want to grab the jar and keep it near, grab my journal and just start jotting...
Be well everyone.
One love
Much love to you man! 
We are here for you whenever you need us Void. There's a lot of people here that may not know you personally but do appreciate you
Thank you brother! Extremely thankful for our connection.Much love to you man!
One love