There are very good reasons for my madness with DMT.
It's a full moon and the Hunter's moon today, so not only am I going to clean my malas, but I also continued with the work.
It was a long day and I got a lot done (pointing and laughing at the part of me that worries about "overdoing" it). Upon arriving home, I took my time unloading my stuff and cleaning my room and prepping the space, even responding to a few threads in the process.
Visited the porcelain throne.
Then I weighed my first 10mg dose. Added it into the small amount that was in the bowl from yesterday and then sprinkled a little bit of the same cannabis strain from yesterday as well.
Feeling very calm, very relaxed, I opened the space and lit some Paolo Santo. Shaking the rue rattle, speaking the invocation, commencing the ceremony. Taking one long strong pull, the bowl was almost toasted by the end. I lit it one more time for good measure, only leaving a slight amount of flower on the edges of the pipe (not even enough for a hit, just a slight amount of green). I set the pipe down and laid my head on my zafu and relaxed. While the experience was somatic on the onset with my system resetting itself and reaching homeostasis through shaking, it was mainly mental, with some very slight visual fluctuations. There's not too much to say as, it was just a space to do the work on myself and to connect with this rare and beautiful day, celebrating the full moon. Center, align, celebrate.
As part of this practice of re-introducing myself to the space and moving deeper, I made it mandatory to redose, reminding myself that "10mg is easy," something I had said to myself a few times throughout the day while reflecting. "10mg is easy."
Part of me is scared of the visual aspect of these experiences because well... even on low doses I've seen some shit.
I packed the bowl again with another 10mg.
I got all of it in one hit this time and was very please with that.
This whole time, I was calm, even if scared. I was calm.
This dose was absolutely nothing like the first one!
While subdued in ways and devoid of color, the space made a cool little room for me to hang out in... I could feel another mind there and we just hung out. I'm not always trying to interact necessarily and there is work for me to do is this space I feel. I was very pleased with the calm stoic entry and navigation of this experience even though it was a total surprise. Since starting this project, this one has been the most visual.
This had many somatic hallmarks to me as well. There was an energy, like a thread, or a snake, or eel, moving though, exploring and opening up my body, while also this general wave and rush. A vibration that broke me down and dissolved me physically. I spent a while in this room (the room in hyperspace is what I mean, though my bedroom counts too) and spent a while in this dissolved state, allowing it and wanting more of it.
It's funny to have been dissolved because alchemically I feel I'm at a stage of coagulation. It could be a prelude to another process beginning.
I know what I said above, but at the same time I do wanna see stuff...
Another piece I'd like to name is that this was in silence.
When I'm centered in self and well-aligned, I don't find a need to justify my disembarkation. The hypothetical heathens that plague me in my mind go away. A part of me is always ready to try and explain and justify my actions, even the ones that I shouldn't have to... well, at least, a part of me used to be that way...
And yet another is that I am pleased with myself with the slow flow of the overall process. DMT scares me, and makes me anxious, and I usually have to be so much more conscientious about my pace and how quickly I get into the space. I was like water. Even when the experience was moar than I expected.
I've slowed down so much that I actually wrote this in a rough draft kind of way and then went back and tidied it up and added more content (but I wrote this before actually doing that).
I don't think that I'll actually take a break from changa after all because shortly after these experiences I found myself missing harmalas. They are pure magic too. So, I'm just gonna do both!
These experiences are reminders. These experiences help me remember.
One love
