I've put it in a basket somewhere for another time, I have a short backlog of reading material at the moment which I mean to get through first. Thanks
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Why DMT Scares Me
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
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- dmt
I wish I could share this class video I am in with you where my boss guides me. It's a psychedelic cannabis breathwork session and I shake the whole time. Really hard.
My only point is you don't have to worry or fear it. It's part of a medicine experience. It's what healing can look like.
One love
My only point is you don't have to worry or fear it. It's part of a medicine experience. It's what healing can look like.
One love
I'm not knowingly fearing it as far as I can tell, it feels more of an inconvenience that happens before I can get to the main event. I have been letting it happen for the simple fact that it seems to need to. I think I've been experimenting with DMT since October last year, and this is something that has slowly developed, and honestly during that time my personal apprehension towards a session has eased off loads.
I've so far only had one big tearful moment where I found myself deeply saddened for the aggressor in a certain war and I let that wet-face moment play out as I thought it must be there for a reason.
*Keeps shaking his Booty, but when I say booty I mainly mean my legs with the rest of me following along*
I've so far only had one big tearful moment where I found myself deeply saddened for the aggressor in a certain war and I let that wet-face moment play out as I thought it must be there for a reason.
*Keeps shaking his Booty, but when I say booty I mainly mean my legs with the rest of me following along*
Not proud but also not shy about my session tonight. I had some family issues at the house and I ended up going outside and really just went looking for god. I went for 4 hours beating my chest and getting closer to my true self. Now my head hurts and its 3 am and I dont feel tired I feel mentally drained but not ready for bed. changa then freebase, GVG then CYLO and that was on repeat. still parachuting back in, more to come.
Y
Getting a light snack on board and reading my Bhagavad Gita.
Y
Getting a light snack on board and reading my Bhagavad Gita.
I have something to share regarding this topic, but I am not sure what it is or how to say it. This reflects an ongoing issue with brainfog, that while I can mitigate and ameliorate some, it still compounds over time and makes my expression feel messy.
Someone gave me advice to "soften" around my medicine sessions and experience. This stands out to me because "hardness" and/or "toughness" and important qualities for me to hold onto. Bearing in mind my mental health struggles, I see the world in a hostile way generally and fundamentally at the unconscious and subconscious levels (abusive childhood, bullied, and my general wide awareness of the world inform this sense and view). I work with my conscious mind to shift the status quo of these lower levels that inform the upper level of my conscious mind. That said, and as many of you are aware, I am a very anxious person.
Softening around myself and my experiences is foreign to me because I feel that that's not allowed for me (though it is). More specifically, it's not allowed from me to me... It's an overpreparation for what I fear and expect from the world predicated on past experience and circumstance.
This mandate for hardness and toughness has been a limiting factor of my progress and journey. It plainly reflects and perpetuates an affect and stance that leads me to continue to be hard on myself. I often have higher expectations on myself relative to what I feel, how intensely I feel it, and how I operate relative to it. With DMT, my anxiety spikes hard, and I already have anxiety disorders, but because it's that much harder to do things in spite of my anxiety, there is some judgment placed upon me. That judgment is unreasonable and unnecessary.
Where is the grace? Where is the understanding for myself? I have tried so hard to provide it to others... what about me...?
What happens to also be on my mind, linked to all of this is:
My question to myself is how do I shift this?
Regarding my flagellating "hardness" (we have to bear in mind, while these traits are preferred, I don't feel "tough" or "hard" and don't see myself in these ways, but quite the contrary), it's not that reflections of such can't be seen. I am scared of this medicine and keep doing it afterall. But softening has proved to be beneficial. I take my time with intaking the medicine, going as far as I feel comfortable in the moment, and have withdrawn the need to finish every dose. Paradoxically, I have been finishing most of the doses. There are hypothetical conversations in my mind where I feel I have to explain and justify why it's hard for me to someone else who it isn't hard for. "What's wrong with you?" "It's not that hard." "Stop being a baby and just do it." I really don't know how to engage people that think it such simple Simon ways (without becoming indignant and pointed...maybe I should let this out...), but I feel like it's out there in the world and I have to engage it. Deeper, I need to give a shit more what my well-honed, incisive, and discerning mind feels and thinks, and not the simple Simons that I mention (through awareness, I concede in so many instances that I might be wrong or limited). Obviously, I have been negatively impacted in a way that makes this a algorithm and parameter of my mind. The DMT and changa vapors help me to cleanse it away.
One love
Someone gave me advice to "soften" around my medicine sessions and experience. This stands out to me because "hardness" and/or "toughness" and important qualities for me to hold onto. Bearing in mind my mental health struggles, I see the world in a hostile way generally and fundamentally at the unconscious and subconscious levels (abusive childhood, bullied, and my general wide awareness of the world inform this sense and view). I work with my conscious mind to shift the status quo of these lower levels that inform the upper level of my conscious mind. That said, and as many of you are aware, I am a very anxious person.
Softening around myself and my experiences is foreign to me because I feel that that's not allowed for me (though it is). More specifically, it's not allowed from me to me... It's an overpreparation for what I fear and expect from the world predicated on past experience and circumstance.
This mandate for hardness and toughness has been a limiting factor of my progress and journey. It plainly reflects and perpetuates an affect and stance that leads me to continue to be hard on myself. I often have higher expectations on myself relative to what I feel, how intensely I feel it, and how I operate relative to it. With DMT, my anxiety spikes hard, and I already have anxiety disorders, but because it's that much harder to do things in spite of my anxiety, there is some judgment placed upon me. That judgment is unreasonable and unnecessary.
Where is the grace? Where is the understanding for myself? I have tried so hard to provide it to others... what about me...?
What happens to also be on my mind, linked to all of this is:
Like WTF, Void?!?! You want long experiences like this... so why don't you? Why have intimately long sessions with yourself not been more of a priority? Habits of conditioning and worry, worries that make no sense, but are created and gripped by my anxiety. While I feel I have a lot to do (which is also just anxiety) and feel I have to be responsible, those aren't reasons anymore, but instead excuses. I let the my judgment of my natural response to the consideration of partaking in this medicine curb my approach and attempt and duration.
My question to myself is how do I shift this?
Regarding my flagellating "hardness" (we have to bear in mind, while these traits are preferred, I don't feel "tough" or "hard" and don't see myself in these ways, but quite the contrary), it's not that reflections of such can't be seen. I am scared of this medicine and keep doing it afterall. But softening has proved to be beneficial. I take my time with intaking the medicine, going as far as I feel comfortable in the moment, and have withdrawn the need to finish every dose. Paradoxically, I have been finishing most of the doses. There are hypothetical conversations in my mind where I feel I have to explain and justify why it's hard for me to someone else who it isn't hard for. "What's wrong with you?" "It's not that hard." "Stop being a baby and just do it." I really don't know how to engage people that think it such simple Simon ways (without becoming indignant and pointed...maybe I should let this out...), but I feel like it's out there in the world and I have to engage it. Deeper, I need to give a shit more what my well-honed, incisive, and discerning mind feels and thinks, and not the simple Simons that I mention (through awareness, I concede in so many instances that I might be wrong or limited). Obviously, I have been negatively impacted in a way that makes this a algorithm and parameter of my mind. The DMT and changa vapors help me to cleanse it away.
One love
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If I am being totally honest I started the session out of anger/frustration I had been looking forward to one all month but between my duties in my house and current events it felt rushed so I let the anxiety and fear of what could be ...what might happen prevent me from partaking. Well last night I got frustrated with my seemingly lack of control of my own life and just went for the whole thing, ready for anything good/bad it didn't matter it was going to at least be on my terms.
I am not recommending this approach this felt a little unhinged.
There are some gaps in my recollection of the evening, I just so badly wanted to have a profound experience and feel Alive and grit my teeth and pound my chest and connect to that place that feels so subdued in my day to day life. In that aspect the mission was a success today is essentially a loss its 230 pm and I just had a cup of coffee.
@Voidmatrix for me the shift occurred in a moment of frustration when all the small thoughts of fear and what if's were overtaken by frustration and became irrelevant. I hope you take a different road but get to the same place.
Y
My frustration has been mounting for a long time. I grabbing the bigger pipe. After walking my dog, I am going to sit with it with no expectation on depth, just an aim to keep smoking, and try to do so until I am satisfied instead of defaulting to, "I did it a lil."
One love
Frustration pays off it you let it... temperance and mindfulness is key, otherwise we pop off when we shouldn't.
I wasn't trying to go as deep as I'd like to in my mind. But I was very much in it. Because so many hits were taken, my system was not only saturated by DMT, but also harmalas, and the overall feeling brought me back to DMTx sensations and feelings.
I shot for an hour. Task complete. There's plenty to unpack. I am learning that there's an internal capacity to increase the intensity of the experience without adding more medicine. That or, there are ways to orient oneself that other "blocks" disappear and a landscape that was already there is shown.
Definitely plenty of scary moments, but they all ended up being good when I didn't give into the fear.
While I didn't finish the bowl, this was Ionger than usually "allowed." I HAVE to take note of this, otherwise it'll fade like a dream and I'll default to the native inhibitory state that blocks this access with the divine.
One love
Sounds Awesome!
I shot for an hour. Task complete.
There are a few things I'd like to state and address because they are important and tend to fall by the wayside in favor of the heavier aspects of this discussion.
I can breakthrough, it's not that it's impossible for me to do so, but it's hard to push myself that far and allow myself. If the goal was purely just getting myself in that space, I could've sat with others that would've held space for me as I explore doses and find my sweetspot. But I am doing deeper work than that and I want to acknowledge it. I am doing depth work instead of journey work. The way I have been bitchin doesn't acknowledge this. There's a method to the madness. I have just been working on things that are right in front of my face instead of using higher doses to blow right past them. There is a plan in place, but adhering to the plan and the work it dredges up is painful, but necessary. The work I am doing on myself right now with this medicine wouldn't get done with higher doses. The method also entails a type of training for deeper experiences more often without losing my balance and center in the pragmatic world and life.
This doesn't contradict some of the things I've already stated in this thread, but is just another part that doesn't get acknowledged enough, and if I do, I find myself at more peace with my work and my path.
One love
I can breakthrough, it's not that it's impossible for me to do so, but it's hard to push myself that far and allow myself. If the goal was purely just getting myself in that space, I could've sat with others that would've held space for me as I explore doses and find my sweetspot. But I am doing deeper work than that and I want to acknowledge it. I am doing depth work instead of journey work. The way I have been bitchin doesn't acknowledge this. There's a method to the madness. I have just been working on things that are right in front of my face instead of using higher doses to blow right past them. There is a plan in place, but adhering to the plan and the work it dredges up is painful, but necessary. The work I am doing on myself right now with this medicine wouldn't get done with higher doses. The method also entails a type of training for deeper experiences more often without losing my balance and center in the pragmatic world and life.
This doesn't contradict some of the things I've already stated in this thread, but is just another part that doesn't get acknowledged enough, and if I do, I find myself at more peace with my work and my path.
One love
There are some very therapeutic places in low repeated doses and moreso with Harmalas in the mix..
On a side note, I shook the shakes in my session today - Cold start yesterday / Hot finish today! and I was the opposite of cold, so hot in fact it stopped me relaxing into the experience.
On a side note, I shook the shakes in my session today - Cold start yesterday / Hot finish today! and I was the opposite of cold, so hot in fact it stopped me relaxing into the experience.
Exactly, I am doing something more therapeutic, and that's because that's where I am right now, and where I've been, and that's okay.
Did the shakes treat you well? I have had to shake while being hot before also, and it can be very intense.
One love
I didn't shake at all, a low and slow 50-60 mins followed by the big hit for 10 mins of hyper colourful chaos, I almost didn't dive in to my final hit after the hour of relaxing small hits, I could feel the merit in small hits and felt that would be / could be a good place to stop.
I did have a couple of tiny hits last night and shook a bit then, though that was after a small amount of beer and a bit of weed.
Hopefully I can plan a Sublingual Harmalas followed by vaped DMT for next weekend.
Void the doses you take are just not shamanic enough. Just kidding in reality it’s probly closer to how tryptamines are used in a traditional shamanic context.
I really appreciate that man. I feel like one ought to explore all the realms and depths for a variety of purposes. I'd be remiss not to admit the benefits I receive with what I have been doing, my desires for something else aside.
One love
speaking of the shakes, i get them in the mornings frequently with nothing on board lol. im not exactly feeling cold to shiver, its more like extreme whole body tensing as i adjust to the waking world. as long as i shake myself out real good, its over in about 5 mins.
I think I just desire tripping..even if it’s 7mg of DMT monthly I feel at a loss without it.
@Jamie01 is that 7mg once a month for you, or split across multiple doses?
I’ve had a lifelong obsession with DMT and would have absolutely gone to town around 7+ years ago, but either didn’t have any, or only had a little bit. Now I have multiple grams of both DMT and changa, but rarely touch it. I struggle with episodes of depression and all that entails, but even when not depressed, my mood/confidence etc isn’t always the greatest, and I know from experience that DMT can help. I’d like to smoalk moar haha and am thinking that lowering the bar on frequency could possibly help me to get into a rhythm with it. Also, just gotta say that it’s kinda funny to talk about wanting to use more of a mind-altering substance, yet being challenged to do so lol .
At once. It was just an example. Sometimes maybe I’m vaping 15-20 mg but I don’t really go beyond that these days as I am gone already at 15. I eat mushrooms or pharma just not often. I have phases with microdosing. Nothing is planned it just seems to happen every 4 weeks or so at the moment. What I prefer is to do currently is sublingual harmalas, after a microdose of mushroom tea. Then vape a low dose of DMT once I’m feeling it. Or…like some kind of pharma / vape combo. I just want to titrate into the space so I can relax.
Issue for me is time too…so most often I’m vaping DMT without anything else. If I dose harmalas or microdose first I need more time and I have other stuff I want to do.
