Ape's struggle for Sanity

[TheGreenPhantom]

I once moved from the countryside to the downtown of a metroplex with a population of over 2 million. I thought it would cure my loneliness at the time. Ha. Not even. I remember nights lying on my mattress, unable to comprehend how I was literally surrounded by thousands of people in a single block. Some of them were lying on their own mattresses just like me, and just as lonely, yet we might as well have been galaxies apart. I never could comprehend that.

I once spoke to a lady from a small village in western Africa about this... she said, "You know – where I'm from, everyone knows their neighbors, everyone keeps their doors open, even at night (because it's so hot), and you can drop in on anyone at any time to say hello and have a chat. Here in the city, you're surrounded by people but know no one. You go home, close and lock the door – it's like being in prison. Everyone has their own little jail cell...."

 

[Voidmatrix]

I once moved from the countryside to the downtown of a metroplex with a population of over 2 million. I thought it would cure my loneliness at the time. Ha. Not even. I remember nights lying on my mattress, unable to comprehend how I was literally surrounded by thousands of people in a single block. Some of them were lying on their own mattresses just like me, and just as lonely, yet we might as well have been galaxies apart. I never could comprehend that.

I don't know where you live, but in my country, everyone is so focused on themselves they don't know how to hold the differences of others making connections harder to sustain.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

I once spoke to a lady from a small village in western Africa about this... she said, "You know – where I'm from, everyone knows their neighbors, everyone keeps their doors open, even at night (because it's so hot), and you can drop in on anyone at any time to say hello and have a chat. Here in the city, you're surrounded by people but know no one. You go home, close and lock the door – it's like being in prison. Everyone has their own little jail cell...."

I can only think of Dunbar's number...


One love

 

[TheGreenPhantom]

I can only think of Dunbar's number...


One love

Funny, I once watched a documentary about dairy farming in the UK, and one of the farmers said that once the heard size surpassed 150 cows, it became unmanageable for a single dairy farmer to handle. (First time I'm hearing about Dunbar's number, BTW.)

 

[brettsta]

Yeah Dunbar's number ? 150 friends or associates ,
there was a day I was extremely socially active .
Nowadays the less humans in my life the better , I find most of them extremely Irritating, . But I do like cows

 

[TheGreenPhantom]

Yeah Dunbar's number ? 150 friends or associates ,
there was a day I was extremely socially active .
Nowadays the less humans in my life the better , I find most of them extremely Irritating, . But I do like cows

Dogs are much better people... much more straight-forward and honest. Cows are OK. I'm much more interested in what grows on their poop....

 

[brettsta]

Dogs are much better people... much more straight-forward and honest. Cows are OK. I'm much more interested in what grows on their poop....

Yes they are people without the narcissist, cruelty, arrogance, anger , etc etc
Cows are the original psychedelic stoners man , DMT is in grass MAO probably everywhere. Just look at there faces , that's how I look on a good breakthrough. And there poo is magic man . Cows are great

 

[northape]

I once moved from the countryside to the downtown of a metroplex with a population of over 2 million. I thought it would cure my loneliness at the time. Ha. Not even. I remember nights lying on my mattress, unable to comprehend how I was literally surrounded by thousands of people in a single block. Some of them were lying on their own mattresses just like me, and just as lonely, yet we might as well have been galaxies apart. I never could comprehend that.

I once spoke to a lady from a small village in western Africa about this... she said, "You know – where I'm from, everyone knows their neighbors, everyone keeps their doors open, even at night (because it's so hot), and you can drop in on anyone at any time to say hello and have a chat. Here in the city, you're surrounded by people but know no one. You go home, close and lock the door – it's like being in prison. Everyone has their own little jail cell...."

I don't know where you live, but in my country, everyone is so focused on themselves they don't know how to hold the differences of others making connections harder to sustain.

Scandinavian people are individualistic to the extreme, and you can live your whole life without knowing anything about your neighbors. I've never seen a warm gesture or any genuine interest from them, either. It's not discrimination, because they relate to everyone that way

It's comical that countries in the top five for personal isolation and antidepressant use are rated as the best places to live with the happiest populations. I'd say that these reviews are conducted by local universities and that people here lie about how they really feel. Many times, people have asked me what I think about the country, and when they do not see a clear fascination with their culture, it's like a blow to the head. Locals will fight you if you don't see the North as heaven on earth and will give you free money if you say you do. Once again, it's simply comical. It'd be nice if I were just exaggerating, but I'm not. Cultural propaganda runs deep here, and people are indoctrinated from kindergarten. I'm not one to judge, though. It's just my view on things

 

[ommani]

Scandinavian people are individualistic to the extreme, and you can live your whole life without knowing anything about your neighbors. I've never seen a warm gesture or any genuine interest from them, either. It's not discrimination, because they relate to everyone that way

It's comical that countries in the top five for personal isolation and antidepressant use are rated as the best places to live with the happiest populations. I'd say that these reviews are conducted by local universities and that people here lie about how they really feel. Many times, people have asked me what I think about the country, and when they do not see a clear fascination with their culture, it's like a blow to the head. Locals will fight you if you don't see the North as heaven on earth and will give you free money if you say you do. Once again, it's simply comical. It'd be nice if I were just exaggerating, but I'm not. Cultural propaganda runs deep here, and people are indoctrinated from kindergarten. I'm not one to judge, though. It's just my view on things

It’s interesting to get your perspective on living in Scandinavia… the music genre of Scandinavian Black Metal comes to mind, and makes me think that it would be unlikely for that kind of music to arise from an area that is quite as idyllic, as it can seem from the outside…

 

[northape]

It’s interesting to get your perspective on living in Scandinavia… the music genre of Scandinavian Black Metal comes to mind, and makes me think that it would be unlikely for that kind of music to arise from an area that is quite as idyllic, as it can seem from the outside…

Sure. The most popular genre of books is detective. Most of the movies they make are about crime. People mirror their environment, and you cannot expect cheerful warm folk in this cold rainy darkness. Swedes would make an enemy of you for such rhetoric. They will not fight you directly, but they will put a knife in your back at the first chance they get

As an immigrant, I saw all sides of this society: from crime scenes at the bottom to university professors and elites at the top. The image Sweden has created is simply false. Although I cannot hold them accountable either, these people are children who have never had the opportunity to develop independent thinking. It's a conformist society to the core. Somehow my karma led me here, and I see why for the most part. A big part of it is actually about independent thinking - being your own moral compass and living your truth. So, at this point, I'm done with this culture, yet the karmic momentum remains, and I'm still here. Believe me, it's better to be poor but in a good social environment. People need company, and what I see here is mostly mental illness

 

[northape]

It's a hard topic for me actually and I fully understand that's just my own outlook on things here. Some people like the place, although recently I started to question if it's not just a coping mechanism of sorts for them. Still, no one is at fault here. My reactions are understandable too and based on lived experience.

The biggest struggle is feelings of isolation and hostility towards locals that form by themselves. It goes against my position in life and creates inner distress. I try to be loving and actually do a good job on a personal level, but I dislike the culture and cannot help it. Honestly, it will take years away from here to heal some of the traumas. I get that very few people in the world can relate and it makes me feel even lonelier.

Lots of work has been done and I'm at least past the angry and hostile phase. Yes, some days I still get triggered and would curse at life here, but I know what's up and just let it vent. Humans are strange animals and my basic expectations are just too high, honestly. However, one needs real life situations to fix it, at least for me. I hope this clarifies my last two posts somewhat.

 

[ABe©eDarian]

Fear may show u what matters.

Anger may show u where a boundary was crossed.

Anxiety may show u your mind is living in the future.

Motivation may fade.

Habits may change your life.

Your past chapter may not be your whole story.

Triggers may show u what still needs healing.

Control may be an illusion.

Thoughts may shape you.

Habits may build you.

Choices may define you.


--


Trauma is from relationship boundaries crossed.

(Relationship with self and/or others.)

Healing comes from better relations.

 

[northape]

When I came here as a youth, I desperately tried to fit in, and only about a decade later did I realize how futile it was. This place is not the US, and immigration is a new thing for them. They do not want to know you either - it's just a civilized mask to feel good about themselves. Sure, the picture would be quite different from the inside out. Cultural bias is the hardest thing to shake. Actually, spending 5 to 10 years abroad in a foreign culture hits as strongly as first doses of psychedelics and is just as mind-altering. You cannot unsee what you saw or get back to the old you either.

For instance, I repeated the math program three times here (from the ground up to high school) because locals think you are stupid for being a foreigner. Years later, when I learned the language somewhat, a simple translation of the high school certificate from my home country put me ahead of the locals in the rating. So my education was right from the beginning, and if someone had pointed out to me how to deal with the system, it would have saved me years of frustration. Locals would never help you, though.

Another example is from when I worked in elderly care. We had a change of personnel late in the evening and I was working for an hour with the next shift - two women in their 30s. I guess they thought that my language skills were poor enough for them to gossip around me. I was making some coffee for everyone and listening to how one of them was venting to the other - mundane boyfriend problems and so on. Then her companion joked and subtly pointed at me as husband material. That was the first time I saw disgust and discrimination based on my nationality and social status. It was not even well thought out - just some cultural bias about immigrants.

Examples are endless. It's not like someone physically harmed me here, but mental suffering simply accumulated over the years.
I'd guess only living among open, warm people could fix it. I see no other possibility right now.

 

[TransistorBass]

I'd guess only living among open, warm people could fix it. I see no other possibility right now.

This might be a side note:
You get people professing to disengage with the current systems of living, live in a communal shared area like some 'hippie' commune (Yes I could use better words) but what if, roughly like myself and my wife we don't actually want to have communal people around us?
The idea of living off the land and removing ourselves from society is quite appealing, just not with a load of other people.

 

[ommani]

As an immigrant, I saw all sides of this society: from crime scenes at the bottom to university professors and elites at the top. The image Sweden has created is simply false. Although I cannot hold them accountable either, these people are children who have never had the opportunity to develop independent thinking. It's a conformist society to the core. Somehow my karma led me here, and I see why for the most part. A big part of it is actually about independent thinking - being your own moral compass and living your truth. So, at this point, I'm done with this culture, yet the karmic momentum remains, and I'm still here. Believe me, it's better to be poor but in a good social environment. People need company, and what I see here is mostly mental illness

And that doesn’t even include the pagan death cults!

If I was to live in Europe, I think I would probably want to live in Switzerland. As the birthplace of C.G. Jung and Albert Hoffman, along with the home of the Swiss Alps and those giant rescue dogs with the little keg of liquor attached to their collar, I’d say it’s good enough for me.

 

[RitualOpossum]

Northape, have you explored SE Asia/India or South America enough to decide which is fit for your desired change of scenery? I can't wait for you to make the move - i really hope it makes you happier buddy

 

[northape]

Northape, have you explored SE Asia/India or South America enough to decide which is fit for your desired change of scenery? I can't wait for you to make the move - i really hope it makes you happier buddy

It's going to be South America for sure. After years here, it's close to impossible to handle large masses of people like in Asia.
Sad, but I'm waiting for my mum to die. That's the only chain left binding me to this place. We openly talk about it, but it does not make it any easier. Even if I get out as an old man, I will still do it. That's the only true intent I have left for this life - freedom. If anything, I'll just disappear somewhere in the Bolivian altiplano. Yet I hope that I have enough health and energy left to build a simple life in say Peru.
We'll see what life brings. I know all are suffering, but at this point my own struggle is too painful and in my face

 

[northape]

If I was to live in Europe, I think I would probably want to live in Switzerland. As the birthplace of C.G. Jung and Albert Hoffman, along with the home of the Swiss Alps and those giant rescue dogs with the little keg of liquor attached to their collar, I’d say it’s good enough for me.

Some friends moved away from here (right after university) to Switzerland. They are pretty satisfied and enjoying life. I asked once about moving back and the answer was "no way." Karma is a in my case. Maybe it's all for the best in the end. I try to see it that way

 

[northape]

The idea of living off the land and removing ourselves from society is quite appealing, just not with a load of other people.

Same here, but I need people to heal in my case. Nature is the next best thing, though. I may end up a hermit

 

[northape]