Bad conscience and DMT

[Lucinate]

Hi,

I'm going to try to be very open to you people.
If that's not appreciated or appropriate for this site I'll remove the thread.
But I hope you can help.
I've been through hard times in my life.
These times I've thought things I'm not so proud of.
Jealousy and hate for instance.
There were also (even) more warped times when I was in a psychotic depression, when very intrusive thoughts of death and destruction would enter my mind. I know I am not a bad person and have never acted upon these thoughts, apart from harming myself in some ways. My environment always tells me how nice of a person I am, and I try to trust them.
Still I have a strong feeling of guilt about these thoughts, and its hazy if that's realistic.

I have never done DMT, but I did do LSA a couple of days ago with my brother and the experience told me I was way too hard on myself in my life. I cried about how much shit I give myself on a daily basis. We also had some wicked cool insights about our relation as brothers. How we are alike and different. How we complement each other.

I wonder, how would a history like mine translate to DMT.
How does a DMT trip judge people?
For instance, could you still have a positive DMT experience if you are what is considered a 'bad person'? Will DMT judge you for the person you are? Is there any way of measuring you are intrinsically 'good'? By society's standards it's pretty straight forward, but a universal answer... Good and bad seem very relative concepts. I do believe in the universal power of love, though.

One of the many reasons I want to try DMT is for healing. But maybe my past negativity and memories of that will dictate the trip. What do you think?

Also, have you been confronted with things you've done you're not so proud of in your trip?

Greetings,

Lucinate

 

[pitubo]

There is such a thing as too much worries. Just don't worry too much about that.

If you can take lsa, you can probably also take dmt. Smoked dmt is too short and too intense to get stuck too much in a self-judgment thought loop. Oral dmt (with harmalas) might do that though, like mushrooms, lsd or lsa could. But given that you can take lsa and apparently can keep yourself reasonably together through an episode of mental and emotional ups and downs and that you can reflect on it to boot, gives me a lot of confidence that you can deal with these substances and experiences in a mature and responsible manner.

In my experience, smoked dmt has at times given me an emotional reset. I'd say that that can be useful for some purposes of healing. I would not say that it is a silver bullet in itself.

Maybe putting some effort in investigating the somatic aspects of your problems can help you too, both while tripping and while not tripping. What I mean with that is the ways you chronically maintain tensions in various parts of your body, even without being aware of it (the tensions and or even the parts of your body) anymore. Exploring the body can sometimes uncover the roots of mental and emotional issues that are otherwise hard to find or address.

 

[Lucinate]

There is such a thing as too much worries. Just don't worry too much about that.

Maybe putting some effort in investigating the somatic aspects of your problems can help you too, both while tripping and while not tripping. What I mean with that is the ways you chronically maintain tensions in various parts of your body, even without being aware of it (the tensions and or even the parts of your body) anymore. Exploring the body can sometimes uncover the roots of mental and emotional issues that are otherwise hard to find or address.

I was doing relaxation exercises and meditation today.

I was in the yogic pose shavasana, the simplest pose but according to the writer of the book I'm reading also one of the hardest to master, because you have to be able to let your body totally relax. It's basically lying on the ground.
I felt my body relaxing and I fell into a light meditation.

The writer also told it's likely during shavasana your awareness will reach another deeper level, where deep-seated angers and prejudice are stored. If that happens, don't be afraid to deal with them.

I'm not quite there yet but i hope i can reach that state soon.

 

[Glossolalia]

For instance, could you still have a positive DMT experience if you are what is considered a 'bad person'? Will DMT judge you for the person you are?

OK, this has to be a multi-part answer. I can answer your question directly but first I have to make something clear: the position from which you are asking the question is one of naivety and confusion.

You ought not enter a DMT experience with the expectation of having a "good trip" or a "bad trip." You should not perceive this as some kind of fabulous carnival ride which may be beautiful or may be spooky depending which carriage you happen to get in.

The reasons for this are a little difficult to put into words, but understand that a heavy DMT experience will strip you of your ego and possibly attachments to your gender, even your humanity. Your ego is driving you to seek this out, for whatever reason, but when you do it you're ego will be partially or completely removed from the picture.

Now to finally answer your question: in a word, "no." I do not find that DMT judges me. It looks upon me like I am a caveman, vastly inferior. I am like a little curious pet to them —whether I am regarded as a horrible person or I'm the president of the United States means nothing to them, I am *only* a human. So no, DMT won't judge you for your earthly actions. That's been my experience.

Having said all that, whether you want to continue down this path or not is not up to me to say. Just remember, it's not about you collecting experience with it for the gratification of your ego. Maybe that kind of thinking leads you to take the first hit, but suddenly the whole game changes.

Best wishes,
Glossy

 

[pitubo]

Personally, I'm kind of weary of stuff like yoga. The reason is that it is so polluted with concepts and that very aspect tends to turn it into more of a mental exercise than an untainted bodily experience, which is where the true bounty lies.

In my opinion, doing such things as yawning freely and fully whenever it arises spontaneously is more real yoga than anything any system, book, teacher or guru has to offer. It is also free, spontaneous and part of who you are. It is a free gift given to you at birth.

Note that this only works if it is done in a self-directed flow, when it arises spontaneously from the body, as opposed to how a method describes it and when the ego decides it must be done.

Did you ever see a cat or a dog get up and stretch and yawn? All of its body and presence participates in that movement.

Another point:

It is good to be able to trust others, but it is better to be able to trust oneself. In fact, there cannot be any real trust in others before there is real trust in oneself. If self trust fails, so-called trust in others is an empty substitute. It will make you neurotic and dependent upon ever more external authorities, that will in turn never give you real self-trust.

For a healthy self-trust, a healthy relation between the body and the self is indispensable. A healthy relationship is characterized by listening rather than making demands.

 

[inviktus]

DMT will give you what you need. It's very good at that.
Sometimes its ever so gentle and tender, loving.
Sometimes it is blunt and to the point.
You can trust DMT, the only thing I would advise is to go in with an open mind.
If you go in with a fixed mindset, that if you do A, B will occur, then you may be in for
a rude shock and a bit of a hyper slap.

If you feel driven to do DMT, then do it. Do not be afraid, there is nothing to fear in there.

 

[anne halonium]

show some humor on all of this.

when its time to trip its time to trip.
its not the time to solve all your issues.
your not gonna solve all past moments of question in a bolt flash epiphany.
dont try.
instead,
live in now, and show some grace, humility, humor and forgiveness to all,
and ,get a sitter.

then youll be fine.

actually you are pry in better shape than ya think merely feeling the way ya do.
im as awful as they come, i trip with total zen serenity. you can too.

 

[daspaismusflo]

Just remember, it's not about you collecting experience with it for the gratification of your ego.

What else is there?

 

[daspaismusflo]

In my opinion, doing such things as yawning freely and fully whenever it arises spontaneously is more real yoga than anything any system, book, teacher or guru has to offer. It is also free, spontaneous and part of who you are. It is a free gift given to you at birth.

Great point, I can never do yoga in a directional manner and only get over the burden of laziness when I spontaneously feel like stretching... normally stems from being in an ASC as spontenaity is easier to achieve while operating like that.

 

[daspaismusflo]

If you feel driven to do DMT, then do it. Do not be afraid, there is nothing to fear in there.

Thanks but easier said than done. I constantly keep thinking how I am going to lose my shit and never return to sanity and end up getting so anxious I void the trip with an induced vomit.

Somebody hold my hand? I want my mummy

 

[Koornut]

If you feel driven to do DMT, then do it. Do not be afraid, there is nothing to fear in there.

Thanks but easier said than done. I constantly keep thinking how I am going to lose my shit and never return to sanity and end up getting so anxious I void the trip with an induced vomit.

Somebody hold my hand? I want my mummy

If every DMT trip came with a big Ol automatic hug from mum afterward; Our species is doomed.

@Lucinate
The mere fact that you are aware of your past transgressions means you are actively seeking the steps to change your circumstance, try not to beat yourself up over things gone by and let the teacher teach you into the future you want. There are lessons around every corner, DMT might very well throw a few hundred in your face at the same time; I'd advise to learn as many as you can at your own pace before that happens .

@pitubo
Sneezes also

 

[null24]

Just remember, it's not about you collecting experience with it for the gratification of your ego.

What else is there?

Whew! I'm actually going to leave that alone, an answer to that should be apparent. Smoalk moar!

However OP- dude, you're a human being. I do not understand why you consider yourself a bad person. Frankly, I don't think there's an individual on this planet whose brain is not capable of producing the most vile and fell thoughts fathomable. The shame and guilt you feel or that arises over these thoughts, set you apart from the category of bad on an moral level. It is your actions, your ethics, that dictate whether or not you are truly good.

And that definition, a good, arises from your culture, your society, or as you said, your environment. Stated that your environment supports the idea that you're a nice person. The LSA experience you had in which you cried, grieving over the heavy hand with which you yourself, is an experience I think you should remember and the delve deeply into. Recall those feelings. Feel that feeling again outside of the psychedelic. Cannabis helps me with post trip recall in meditation, maybe you can find use in it as well.

I cannot and will not give you advice on how to continue your journey using psychedelics, but I will suggest that you work on integrating your LSA experience before you take another step.
Peace to you my friend, all good things in all good time. You have begun your practice, and you are on your way.:thumb_up:

 

[Lemonade]

Hi Lucinate

I appreciate you being so open!

And can relate to what you’re saying, I try very hard to be a good person but I sometimes have a wicked short fuse and lose my temper at really petty things. Then I feel guilty and it sucks.

The answer though, in my experience, is that yes, DMT can be very therapeutic! And also full of wonderment! There is always the chance of a bad trip, but there ways to help minimize the chances.

Helpful tips

1. Start with smaller doses

2. Before dosing, check in with family and friends (I am a worrier, so it’s great for my peace of mind to know that everyone I care about is “okay”) Now if any of your friends are really negative, maybe skip that step!

3. Have something really visually beautiful to focus on in case you get scared during your trip. Nature never disappoints! I like to stare at the trees or clouds outside my window.

DMT helped me immeasurably and opened myself up to more wonder that I could ever have imagined.

I think because your previous psychedelic trips helped you realize that you were being too hard on yourself, that’s a good sign that you can handle what DMT has to show you. And thankfully if it is smoked DMT, then it’ll be a very short experience, so in case it does get scary, it’ll be over fast!

When I start my DMT trips, I try to go in with an attitude of humbleness and gratitude for the experience and then just try to stick with that mindset. Sometimes DMT has a mind of its own and will give you the trip that “you need” rather than want…but…that’s sometimes really helpful too!

And it sounds like your brother is a cool guy as well, maybe try it with him or with someone you feel really comfortable with. Make sure the setting is right!